"just a phase"

well you can solve one problem by not thinking the worst case scenario, im guessing your bi? anyways the next thing is to stop thinking about how 'gay' you are, causes many problems, makes your paranoid, makes you easier to be controlled by bad people.

for me i wished that it was a phase, but deep down, i was just using any excuse to not be gay, but time goes by and you confront your sexuality, it may be scarey, but it is something that should happen, then you accept, and begin making changes, maybe even learn to stop caring what others think, and oh yes, its very very hard to change, but when its over its quite satisfying, then you go back to living a boring life like the rest of the world.

 

I'm going through the same thing myself. Personally, my own demons like to almost convince me that I'm "normal" and just making it all up for attention, like my parents make me. Sometimes I'm convinced that I'm just a regular girl, that I'm straight, that all this is just wishing or imagination. But it's easy to realize that I do like, or at least appreciate, girls, and I can plainly see that I'm not half as interested in guys (though a bit.) And from there I can hang on, sort of. I'm always thinking about it as well, though mostly the gender thing, because of a lot of not-quite-dysphoria. And when I get home it's awful. But what I can offer is only that if you find someone who likes you for who you are, even just a friend, they offer some solace and some opportunity to forget all these labels and be yourself. For me it's robotics...I can usually geek out among friends, and if even that gets too much I go to the library and lose myself in a book. Nobody cares who or what I am, in books. It works for me, and then I can just come out with a smile and ignore everything. I haven't really confronted myself either, but eh.

Well, yeah, sorry for ranting, but hope I helped.

 

At least you're acknowledging it, and that's a massive step in itself. I'd just keep reminding yourself that you aren't doing yourself any good. Don't focus on whether you're gay or straight or coming out or anything like that; just focus on doing whatever is right for you.

You only live once; you can't let other people dictate your life (no matter how hard that is at times).

 

I feel the exact same way :s

 

I'm married to a guy that loves me and puts up with me not having sex anymore, so I understand the dilemma you're faced with: do I put this person out of their misery and seek a divorce or do I selfishly choose to just "get by", offering them a stunted and passionless life. I've told the most important family members now and see that divorcing is what I must do. Even if I am still uncertain about my sexuality, I am certain that I am not straight and cannot offer any man a meaningful romantic/sexual relationship. Man, it's gonna suck, though.

 

I used to try to convince myself it was just a phase but I couldn't stop hiding from the truth. I'm bisexual and I accept that now though I'm still mostly in the closet.

 

I'm a married male going through some of the same issues. At first when I acknowledged who I am, it seemed to suck up my energy and thoughts. I felt relief and a need to shout out to the world! Now, I'm getting more used to it. It doesn't feel strange any more: it's just the way I am.

And like you, I am wondering how this will affect my wife. I haven't told her on the advice of my therapist and some good friends that I've come out to. But the biggest fear is how it will affect her.

Hang in there. You'll reach stasis pretty soon. And it just may be that you stay with your girlfriend. Just don't jump out or in of a relationship too soon while you're still dealing with yourself.

 

Yep, i had that for a while, when I knew i liked girls, but hadn't experimented with one... Everyone around me was asking, "how can you be bi? You've never kissed a girl!" and it really got me down.

 

Sometimes I think to myself: is this really my life, is this really me? Yes, yes it is and I'm still working on accepting it fully. It still feels surreal sometimes. I actually think my straightness might have been a phase though. :lol: Like others my attraction seemed to swing back and forth between men & women. I even convinced myself I really was straight for a couple of months or so, but I think I was just supressing it. Once I told myself I'd be ok with being a lesbian, and stopped trying to force my attraction for guys, It seemed clearer to me that what I really wanted was to be with a woman. There's times when I worry for a second that I'll feel straight again, but I really don't think that'll happen. The way I feel now, I don't know how I ever thought I was straight. If I tried to be with a man when I'd rather be with a woman, I don't think it'd be fair to either of us. I could have easily ended up in this situation. I'm scared but I try to look forward to all that is possible. I want a chance to be happy and possibly find the woman of my dreams
That's what motivates me.
And if somehow I do end up falling for a guy, well... I dunno. haha
As long as I'm happy I guess.
Sorry this is kind of long!
I wish you the very best! (*hug*)

 

Yes, all the time! Actually, every day I keep on hoping that I'll wake up and all the gay thoughts will have vanished for good. I'll see girls and won't feel a thing. But I know that it's never going to happen :tears:
Unfortunately we can't change who we are. The only thing we can change is our responses to situations. I think it might help to ask yourself "okay, what can I do to make life easier for me? How can I improve things?" if this means talking to a friend, finding a LGBT group, coming out to more people, etc. then that's what you gotta try and do. And why worry about what everybody else thinks? No everybody needs to know your sexual orientation. Share it with the people you care about and if they care enough about you, they'll accept you. No one else needs to know.

 

I have a friend who was pretty bi when I told I was, then like 2 hours later she said "Were going through a stupid phase, we aren't gay." basically it was the most offensive thing she ever told me, and she is really nice. When I first discovered I was bi I told my friend because he said he loved me and I told him.....worst night of my life

 

First of all, it's "your" life, not theirs, do what "you" want and think is right for "you" -- "you" should do "your" affinities because we don't know what lies ahead.


Here's for YOU:
[YOUTUBE]Glee - Cough Syrup (Full Performance) (Official Music Video) - YouTube[/YOUTUBE]

 

I felt that way about being trans. Hell, there are days I still question... And I have been on testosterone since December 2008. It's natural.

 

I am having the same issue, I really want to tell my boyfriend, but I have no idea of what that would do to our relationship.

 

Its a phase .... it only last 60 or 80 years - sometimes 100!!!

Took me a long time to embrace this phase.

 

@ greeneyes, awesome pic ^^^

 

Oh, I wondered if it was just a phase allright... somewhere from age 13 until age 24.

At which point, I decided it was pretty unlikely that it was. I'd spent longer in the "phase" than I ever did outside of it...
At that point, it also really started becoming apparent that I was just stacking lie upon evasion upon lie, which was in the final analysis worse than the questioning.

Because: what is preferable: telling people you're not straight now, dealing with it, and moving on? Or telling them you're not straight in 25 years, at which point you'll also have to confess you spent those 25 years lying, and deeply unhappy because you thought that's what they wanted?

If you come out, you might not be what others expect you to be. But don't see it as being selfish either. See it as approaching the others as an equal, and trying to work on a path forward together, instead of subordinating yourself to what you think they want. Might mean leaving your girlfriend, it might mean sticking together (if only for now) in some way, but it will be better than a relationship based on lies.



On another level, what you're describing isn't too odd either, by the way. I do believe that most people aren't really straight or gay most of the time. I spend most of my time not really being gay or straight, but rather more asexual. When I'm at work, or reading a book, or playing a computer game... it really doesn't matter too much. On very busy moments, I'm pretty much asexual 99% of my time.
However: that doesn't mean my feelings about guys are less real when I do have the time or urge to indulge in them.