That's right, I came out 462 days ago. It started with two people with me telling several more and encouraging my friends and family spread the news, quickly becoming essentially everyone important in my life within about a month. The stragglers then as I saw them going forward. The bulk of this process was 2011. I did a lot of dating, met a lot of gay people, learned from them, etc. I learned a lot and made some mistakes along the way, although those mistakes have led me to what I am today, what I think was a rapid progression. I still have some big qualms that I hope to see worked out or at least progressed in 2012. I am still single. It just seems like there are a million reasons that mess up any potential relationship I have had. I have actually gone on first-dates of sorts with close to 40 guys in the days I have been out. The vast majority I ended at coffee, with the rest falling apart for any of the recurring reasons. I will say that I think the single worst fear of mine is my sexual insecurity / awkwardness. It sounds weird but I am still figuring things out about myself. I also get turned off real fast when someone pushes too fast. I like a good couple dates before there is any hint of sex thoughts. I keep running through a recurring theme in my mind, "so, what's on your mind?" ... me (thinking): "NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Can't you sit here for five minutes and talk?!" I don't want to sound like I am flattering myself because in no way am I trying to, and these comments were usually brought about through unsavory meeting conditions. I consider myself a semi-virgin. Without going into detail, let's just say that I have met a few guys who were "freaked out to hear that" and already thinking "how this was going to affect their sex life." Which of course led to me thinking um, what sex life. I haven't waited this long to remove any hint of virginity for a loser like you. The most emotionally devastating part of the year was learning when to forget about someone (move on) AND when to aggressively push someone out of my life. Situations where I got led on for weeks while someone was out of town, then leading to nothing...okay, waste of time, should have saw it coming. Or when the oh-so-common (ultra-common) LA-flakeyness leads me to a third or fourth depressed evening when the plans got canceled -- or worse yet, silently canceled. I even got outright stood up one time, waiting at a restaurant. I guess that is to be expected doing so much dating. About 3/4 of it was online dating, the rest were met in person or through friends. I do feel like I have been walked all over several times. Learning to know when to say no has been, and will continue, to be a struggle. I know a lot of people have trouble with this, although I think my nature is to forgive and give people numerous chances. I saw the opposite with me, someone who I upset via chat (after ~25 hours of chatting) that suddenly blocked me entirely. I am learning to have the strength to do this. Clear out the bad who are emotionally devastating and make room for the respectful, beautiful, wonderful people who are out there. I have been wanting to say a few things on here for a while. I know this forum was a big help to me back when I was coming out, it was about 36-hours from when I decided to come out to when I told the first person, which proceeded to everyone very quickly. It now is much less of a concern (obviously) although I still long for that special someone who respects me and who I want to respect, along with all the other automatics of what someone typically looks for in a relationship. I will keep holding strong, being as good of a person as I know how to be. When the right guy comes along, I have no doubt that moving forward with him will be a natural progression. Everyone to date has felt like a disgrace and miserable, forceful move. I am becoming more and more jaded, but it seems everyone who dates does. Except the lucky few who seem to just not really date and then meet someone great. I have gone through a lot of stuff already, only having been officially "capable" of dating for those 462 days. Maybe another rant in another ~462 days, haha. Hopefully I can talk about either how much more I have learned, or how great my relationship is. That would be wonderful to have a satisfying relationship to enjoy. Oh how I long for someone to see day after day and go on fun trips with. There are a lot of places I want to go Thanks for reading. Y'all rock! ---------- Post added 12th Mar 2012 at 09:52 PM ---------- A tiny addition. I was going through my profile on here and saw an unread private message from the forum software, welcoming me to Empty Closets. Sent December 5, 2010. I came out on December 6, 2010. As I said, it was about 36-hours, 0 to 60. The evening of December 4th, 2010, something clicked in my mind
Thanks for posting your story. What I think many of us on this forum do is to try to find stories that either mirror our own or ones that we can readily relate to. I haven't started dating yet since coming out, but I do have much more of a social life than I've ever had. You're right on the 0-60 part. When I finally decided it was time, the huge barriers I put in my life all started coming down. I admitted to myself I like men and that I am gay. I accepted that this was not something that would change, there was no 'right' girl out there worth waiting for, and all I was doing was denying myself a real life. You talked about not wanting to jump into bed with whatever guy you meet and that you're waiting for someone deserving. I commend you for this. I'm currently waging a mental war with one side of me saying to keep waiting for the right person and the other half saying give it up already and just have sex. Get it over with. It's only going to get worse once I actually start dating so it's such a new world for me. However it goes for you, congratulations for keeping strong. The media likes to paint the gay community as a rabid, sex-fueled beast. It's nice to know that's not the case.
Glad to hear your story (so far) and that EC was of some help to you. Keep us posted and stick around to share your experiences with others who are struggling.
