I am having the hardest time actually putting all of this into words right now. I love men. I idolize and adore them wholeheartedly, but I am not, and never have been or will be, sexually attracted to them. I love everything about men: the anatomy of their bodies, their ranging tone of voice, their personalities, features and facial structure, dispositions, heights, everything! I even find a talented artist all the more interesting if they are male. I love and adore men, and I really don't know why that is. Now, on to the actual problem: I have become extremely attached to the voices of men: my favorite being Caucasian men with a well-spoken tone of voice. My heart clenches and I can barely stand to hear them talk because I'd want to hear them talk forever. They can talk about anything, sing a song, tell a story, whatever. I am totally infatuated with them. This used to not be a huge problem: I usually stand at a point of admiration with men's voices and the expression they're capable of. But recently, I don't know, it's been depressing me. I literally can barely focus on anything because I am actually too occupied with thinking about how much I love male voices. To just lay in bed on the telephone all day and listen to some long-winded jerk talk about how fantastic he is, that would be amazing. I am literally at a "going to cry about it in the bathroom every so-and-so" point with it because it is so overwhelming. I don't even think I can watch funny spoof videos on Youtube without feeling sick to my stomach with grief and a want of some sort that I can't really pinpoint. I cannot deal with this anymore: I am so sick with a weird bereavement that I just want to lay down and cry all day. I think I may actually want a boyfriend, but I'm also afraid of that I could never possibly find one: What kind of guy is going to want to date a person who barely knows who they are and looks like someone who simply cannot make up their mind? What kind of guy would go after someone knowing he'd never be able to have sex with them? What kind of guy would be okay with any of this? Exactly. I want to just listen to a man talk to me about anything, to just put an arm around me and make his height obvious to me, and to just let me kind of lean in on him. I don't know what's wrong with me and it's really distracting. I start school soon and I CANNOT let this get in the way (I have a lot of catching up to do, I need to be focused). Help! ::::' (
Thanks for actually taking a moment to read my insane post! <::::' ) Heehee, A good idea, but I think something like that would just kill me more right now. This is probably the better bet, now I just have to work on making friends haha. :::: ) Thank you guys.
