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No motivation to come out? Or am I just scared?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kaa93, Mar 13, 2012.

  1. kaa93

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi y'all. I'm back. The guy who posted the letter to my dad.

    Still have yet to send it, and I don't really have a good reason why. My urge to come out to him comes in waves. Sometimes I feel really inspired and nervous but set on coming out, I know that its something I have to do and there's no point in waiting.

    Yet, other times (probably most of the time) I have this kinda "eh" feeling towards it. I feel like I can put it off and its not neccessary for my dad to know right now. I have a boyfriend whose easy to see, everyone outside my family knows and is supportive, my dad not knowing doesn't really hold back anything. So do I really need to come out?

    Yet I feel that that's just the excuse I'm making because I'm just nervous about telling him. I don't know. Do you guys ever have waves of bravery? Whenever I came out to people in the past, I'd get caught up in gay pride or something like that, and it would get me all fired up and excited, and that energy would get me to come out. Otherwise, I always get too nervous and chicken out. Does that mean I'm not ready, if i get nervous? Or is that normal, and I should just fight through it and come out anyway?
     
  2. secretguyX

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    I know exactly how you feel. Actually that happened today to me again, I cowarded out of telling someone twice, but randomly after class felt brave enough to, so I did. Anyway, do you want to tell your Dad? It doesn't sound necessary at the moment, but you may want him to know. Is he homophobic or okay with gays? It's really your choice, if you think it'd be best for him to know or not. If you choose to tell him, which you probably want to do, just do it one say when you feel brave enough, and push through the nervousness. It's hard, but well worth it.
     
  3. colorful

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    I definitely know how you feel. I don't have anything to officially come out as, but I have told two people about my questioning. I almost just blurted it right out to my mom this morning, but then I got scared. I would say that it is definately normal to be nervous to tell your parents I mean they did raise you and everything. I personally have no clue my mom's opionion on homosexuality, but do you know your dad's? If you feel ready to tell him at some point use one of those moments of bravery and just do it. If the thought of telling him keeps coming back to you then you obviously WANT to come out to him. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. :slight_smile:
     
  4. Cloudbreaker

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    This seems to describe what I am going through right now almost exactly. I feel ready to come out, and I'm not really too worried about the outcome, but I have that "meh, it can wait" feeling. This time last week I was almost busting at the seems ready to tell my family, but today all my motivation seems to be gone.

    However, just earlier today I think I may have figured out why my own motivation has been waning, so maybe you are in the same boat. I think it is because my thoughts are over saturated with thinking about achieving this one goal. For the past week or two I have been spending most of my time thinking about how/when/who to come out to, trying to keep up my motivation and determination. However, I think my brain has gotten bored of having the same thoughts over and over and over again, and is trying to move on to screensaver mode.

    The solution I am trying (which seems to be helping already in just a few hours) is to distract my brain with other interests for a while and putting all the thoughts about coming out out of my mind. It's kind of like taking a walk after a long car ride. :wink:

    Don't know if this will help you out, but it might be worth a try.