out to dad and starting hrt

Okay, so yesterday was my doctor's appointment and I had dinner with my dad to talk about things.

To start the doctor's appointment was kind of bittersweet. He told me that although he has several patient who have continued hrt through him, he has never started a new patient. He prescribed me 50mg/daily spiro and said he wants to wait a month to see if there are any adverse effects and to check my pottasium levels and will have me prescribed on estrogen by April 13th. So, the waiting game continues. At least it's better than nothing.

Interestingly, he didn't even read the letter from my therapist! He just asked me a bunch of questions about my condition and motivation for pursuing transition, etc. Not sure if it's related to the medication, but I had some crazy crazy nightmares all night last night. I think I need to get more regular sleep.

And then there's the visit with my dad. I was kind of dissapointed because I really wanted a chance to kind of sit down in a personal setting with him one-on-one and really talk about things. But when I called him monday night he said he was tired and suggested we go to get something to eat instead. I thought that would be fine. He decided we would go to the restaurant where my sister works as bartender.

I figured we would have a table, but when I got there he was sitting at the bar talking to my sister.

I know he probably wanted to make things more "laid back" or whatever, but honestly we didn't spend more than 5 minutes actually talking about me being transsexual. I told him that I know that my brother has probably told him a lot of stuff and that I would be happy to talk to him about it and explain things. He really didn't feel that way though. He just told me he thinks I should get a different psychologist before doing anything. He said he wants me to be happy but wants to "make sure" I'm doing the right thing. /shrug Nothing offensive or anything, and after that we didn't talk about it at all. I felt really awkward tryignt o continue the conversation because we were in public and I felt kind of squelched. We finished dinner and he took off.

there was one thing that kind of upset me later on though. When we were talking I told him about how my brother has been treating me. Putting me down and being pessimistic and rude. Calling me a tranny and even getting physically violent toward me when he drinks. And my dad just brushed it off and was like, "he's going through a lot and you need to just let it go." At the time I was thinking, yeah I understand he may be having a hard time. But later on I was thinking, if my brother had thrown my sister into a wall, made her feel like a sexual deviant, and harrassed her constantly for her religious beliefs, then my dad would tear his ass a new one. But because it's me, I should just "man up" or whatever. I felt pretty dejected.

On a super positive note, I got my mid-term grade back and got an A+! The class average was a low C

So, I think things will pretty much just stay the same with my dad. Not like we'll be getting any closer, but we havent really ever been that close in the first place. meh

I want to thank you all again for your support. It means a lot to me.