I've known I was gay for a long time, sometime around the age of 12/13. The first time it ever came up with my parents, I was 13 and scared out of my mind. They basically got word of some evidence (long story) and sat me down after school to ask me about it. Being scared, I denied it. They took me to see a counsellor affiliated with the local children's hospital, and I denied it to the counsellor and explained things as exploring and curiosity. The subject of my sexuality came up one or two more times during my youth, but I denied it every time, even though I knew inside that I was gay. I've been able to share it with a few close friends over the years, but it hasn't been easy. Essentially living two lives, one with family (denying myself) and another with friends kills me inside. Denying it so much and hiding it has lead me to have poor self esteem and confidence. It's lead me to lose relationship after relationship with some great guys over the years, including one this week. I know I need to end this and be 100% myself all of the time. The starting point is telling my parents. I know they love me and will accept me, but I have such a fear of bringing up the subject. I decided (again) late last night that I would do this today after work. Here I am, and I am so afraid even though I know (logically) that it will all be ok. It will probably be awkward at first getting used to the change, as I've denied it with my family for more than half of my life. I need to do this, why can't I just get it started? I just want to pick up the phone, but my fear is killing me. Argh! I've achieved so many things in 31 years, landed a good job, bought a house, ran a marathon all of which seem so easy compared with being open and honest about myself with my family, the people that love me the most. I want it to get better. I guess it's a question of if that desire is stronger than my fear. ---------- Post added 14th Mar 2012 at 07:37 PM ---------- p.s. My parents live 1200 miles away, so I can't do it in person right away. I just want to get it over with though, so I figured a phone call would do.
I think its great that you decided to tell them I understand that feeling of fear when it comes to telling your parents, Im like that, Im actually still scared about telling my friends . But Im sure everything is going to turn out fine and you will start living you´re life fully, so it will sure get better And thx for sharing, I was kind of planning on living a duoble life, not telling my parents ever, but what you said made me give it some thought
Only you will know when the time is right, but the fear is always going to be there. I have to belive that if there was some evidence as you call it in your youth ans you are a 31 year old single good looking man - your parents already most likey have some idea. Let us know how it goes.
Wow, you're describing my situation here. I'm 33, just now coming out to everyone. I myself lived a double life for 20 years after realizing at age 13 I was gay. Only a few people here and there across those years have known. I created a career out of nothing and without a college diploma managed to land a job that generally requires one, based solely on a stellar performance. And then became one of the only staffers ever to receive fan mail! I also beat cancer (Hodgkin's lymphoma) and survived a very devastating breakup. Telling the family has been so hard that I really don't know how to come up with the strength to tell my friends. I'd prefer to tell each person individually but going through that conversation repeatedly is overwhelming. I've had a zillion chances over the last couple weeks to tell the close friends I'm living with, but I just can't. But I have to! I think the hard part for people like us is that we've spent so much time and energy creating and maintaining the double life that it seems like a huge waste to just toss it aside. Living life as two people is very challenging, and I pulled it off quite well for a long time. That other person, though, was not me. He lied and was afraid and angry. He didn't love himself or trust anybody. He pretended to have the confidence he needed to accomplish things when in reality his fear and anger were his only motivations. I don't like that guy anymore and he needs to go away. I have decided that it's so much easier to NOT maintain the act, the double life, the other persona. In the end I think you will find, like I have and like so many people here describe, that the buildup, the worry, is so much worse than the actual event. No matter what, you're on the right path! And you can do this in your own time, in a way that feels safe. Whatever method is best for YOU is the best method. Hang in there and keep trying. You can do this!
I came out over the phone to my parents at age 34. It can be done! Good luck to you and let us know how it goes.
Hey, Pete! I told my sister several months ago and my brother a week ago. Today I went over to my mom's house and told her...that I wanted a divorce because I was gay! I really wanted to tell my mom because I figured that she would be the person who would know me the best. She told me that I should get everything worked out now because life is too short; at 42 I can really feel how that is true. I did not get the chance to tell my dad because he died when I was 25. Tell your parents now while you still have the chance. Telling my mom is sort of empowering.
This may be one of the most profound things I've ever read. Thank you thank you for writing these words. It puts plain what I find so hard to describe even to myself. I wish I could hug you just so you could know how real I found that! (*hug*) I have tears in my eyes right now! Thank you.
We are, in a sense, our worse fans because we put so much thought into everyone's reactions. I recently started to tell people that yes, I like both but I am currently in love with a man. Those people closets to me know (siblings, co-workers, best friends). My parents don't know, yet- they live 300 miles away. I figure when and if I have a boyfriend or someone serious then I can tell them. For me, I'm just looking for the person that adds joy to my life- loves appreciates and respects me- and that will hopefully be the person I am with. As others have said- it takes a lot to actually go through with it, but once you do- you'll have a sigh of relief and possibly kick yourself for not doing it sooner. They are your parents, and SHOULD love you no matter what- nothing about you is different other than who you sleep with and that doesn't determine who you are! Good luck, keep us posted.
