So today i was having a heated discussion with my dad about my lack of "feminine style" and how embaressed my stepmom is about what i wear. Jeans and t-shirts are my thing nd collared shirts when i go out (from the mens section ofcourse) like dresses and frilly tops arent my thing at all, i have a male brain thats for sure. so anyway, i was telling my dad that feminine clothes just dont interest me, and then he replied with "So are a dyke?" and then saying "its okay if youre lesbian, just tell me" and i just froze, i didnt say anything and tried to brush it off and change the subject. He's told me before that he doesnt care if any of his children are gay, and a part of me wants to tell him so that he'll get off my back about the way i am and my style and stuff, and Ive had plenty of opportunity to tell him. But when it comes to admitting it outload to my family, i just freeze and say nothing. After the confrontation and me saying nothing my dad was speaking to my stepmom on the phone and told her that he had asked me and that i "didnt deny it so whos knows" but in a mocking way. My dad and I have the closest relationship, we just get eachother you know, so why cant i just tell him the truth? He says it wouldnt matter, so i know he's cool with it, ut a part of me doesnt want anything to change between us because of it. Im out to my friends and we talk about me flirting with girls and Im so chilled with them, but telling my family is different, I get so nervous and have a panick attack everytime i think about coming out to my mom or dad. So what do i say if he asks again? if i say no, it kills any chance of me coming out later but if i say yes, then its out there and i dont know what will happen next...
Though he might be incredibly accepting and close to you, it may not mean YOU are ready (even if he is). Also I know I'm not good with confrontation. A lot of people on this forum have said that once they have told people the response is 'i thought so' or 'i know.' I didn't have that situation at all, but I did have people who didn't care and were like whatever makes you happy works for me. That said, I knew they were going to respond like that, but I still needed time. I would take a moment to prepare. My friend always says make a flow-chart about the future - what would happen if you told him now, what if didn't, what if he brings it up, and the results of these. What would change? What wouldn't? Also if you really want to tell him, think about how you want to do so. Make a plan. Some people on this forum have written letters. Others have sat people down to talk about this. Others blurt it out. Figure out what's best for you and go from there. ---------- Post added 15th Mar 2012 at 07:41 AM ---------- PS that is by no means the best advice, but I wanted to say don't worry. People frieze all the time, so just take a breather =)
i think i know how you feel, because i've done this many times with my mom. not that she cares what i wear but we have similiar disagreements, like i don't shave under my arms and she makes fun of me for it. she's asked me at least twice if i'm gay, and i've just said it doesn't matter to me. i think it's something that she knows without consciously knowing it. maybe we're worried to say it out loud because what if my mom or your dad think we're different even though we are the same as ever. what if that piece of information changes any part of the relationship between ourselves and our parents? it'd be great if it were to change positively, but it'd be sad if it were to change negatively, and i know i'm not sure if i want to risk that. if it comes up again maybe you could ease into it by saying something like gender doesn't matter to you. when you're ready, it'll be an easy decision.
Thanks for the advice guys, going to think about what will happen if i come out, and make a decision based on that, but easing him into it sounds like a viable option
