ok, so I spend a lot of time hanging out at a store with other people. I am a regular (and have been referred to as the "Norm" of the store) recently there was a transgender woman coming in occasionally. She made some bad choices and got herself banned yesterday for basically stealing. After she was gone, many derogatory jokes were being made and I felt just awful, but I am in no way ready yet to be open about who I am so I just let it slide and ignored it, figuring it would pass as she was no longer allowed. so this evening even more jokes were being made and I felt terribly uncomfortable and I just kind of nodded along and didn't really contribute. on my way home all I could think was maybe I should just continue living my lie. I've been unhappy in a lot of ways, never really being true to myself these last 20 years, but certainly I can chug on lonely in the heart but with keeping all of my friends and what is a mostly happy social life? in time maybe I would stop wincing so much? but then it just seems like I don't know if i can do that after my recent epiphany (love that word) and the fear of everything just falling apart around me is mind shattering. how have other people handled this?
Well, I doubt that continuing to hide will make things better. I don't think you would just "stop wincing." A couple thoughts though: since you're hiding, the people at the store didn't realize that someone else was around who would take the jokes that way (insensitive regardless, but there you have it), so it's entirely possible that many of them didn't mean every word they were saying. Along those lines, in the group mentality, some people were probably just following along with it and making the jokes even though they didn't think they were all that funny. I'm not trying to make excuses for them, they were being cruel regardless of who they thought was listening, but I do think that we probably can't assume that everything they said was a 100% accurate representation of their feelings. And as a customer, you could say something if you wanted. You could even fudge the truth and say that your brother or your friend or whoever is transgendered. Or just complain to the management, anonymously even, and make your feelings known that way. Whatever you're comfortable with. In any case, sorry to hear you're dealing with these kinds of comments. Not that it's the first or last time, but still. Just try to remember that there are many of us out here who don't think that way at all. (*hug*)
I'm not saying this is what happened for everyone, but for me at least the fear of not having a happy social life and being ridiculed was outweighed by the thought (and kind of fear) that if I wasn't true to who I am. I would end up alone forever. It was as simple as that. luckily i haven't dealt with any homophobia since I came out and i dealt with very little beforehand. with that said i apologize that you had to deal with any of it, and hope you know that you are not alone and you are loved for who you are. ^^
ugh last night was back at it again...as some people asked about why she had been banned. and then later more gay jokes mostly directed at me, which I deflected with humor...made me wonder If I'm "starting to show" or something, since being a bit more comfortable with who I am inside at least...and coming out here yeah I know that most of them are pretty good people and I'm sure that all but a few would probably not be as insensitive to me, but I think a lot of them would distance themselves from me
Are you going to know these people for the rest of your life? Some people are just jerks and you got to live and move on. I can relate to your situation and when people make gay jokes at my school or work I defended them. I personally couldn't care less about what others think of me. I'm planning on coming out to more people soon, which I'm really nervous but it's the only way I'm truly going to be happy. Best of luck to you.
