im thinking i dont know what to do i found out a couple of day ago that my boyfriend was sleeping with other guys/girls and i said i was going to leave and that i never wanted to see him again but he told me that if i left him he would kill me then he said noone would want me anyway after that he made me have sex with him i am so sad that i am crying what do i do:tears::tears:
Wow, I don't know what to say to you. It sounds like you should go to the police though, I'm so sorry. *infinite hugs* (&&&)
Well, the first thing you should do is relax, sort out your thoughts. Obviously your boyfriend was not very faithful, so there's no point in staying with him. If you really think he's serious about wanting to kill you, you absolutely need to go to the police. That is a serious threat that should not be taken lightly. Also, you said he made you have sex with him? Did you consent? If not, that's considered rape and is a serious crime. I can understand that this is a very touchy subject and it may be uncomfortable for you to go to the police, but this sounds like a very dangerous situation that you need to get help with. Also, I would suggest going to see a counselor to talk with about these issues, it's extremely helpful to have a professional to talk to about these kinds of things. I hope everything gets better for you, and I'll be here to talk if you need it
you definitely deserve better. I don't know what I'd do in your shoes... but with a death threat... I'd maybe think about going to the police, too.
Based on your side of it, he sounds like a controlling dick, and you ought to walk out right about now. Just turn and quietly leave. Don't worry about his feelings: he might miss his little toy, but he'll forget about you entirely after a good screw and a drink. After my first boyfriend started cheating on me, he came clean over it right away, and he started talking right after that about his doubts about how realistic our relationship actually was. He should have talked to me before he did that, but I have overall fond memories of him. Why? Because he didn't try to fuck with me afterward like your guy is, that's why. As for you, find some nice, tame guy who has a steady job and a gentle disposition. If you know how to watch for the signs, you can't step out your front door without stumbling over some lonely, half-closeted gay bachelor/widower. Once you learn to sniff them out, they're hard to avoid. Just don't get involved with another jerk, please. On the other hand, I'm speaking without knowing his side of the story. When I say all that, I'm counting on you to be perceiving the situation correctly and to be honest in how you portray it. However, it's very rare for me to suggest burning bridges, and I've had people outright insult my intelligence for what I myself would put up with in a relationship. If I have people telling me I'm an idiot for what I would put up with, consider this: based on what you say, I think you are crazy for staying there for one more millisecond more than you have to, okay? A guy has to pretty much take a dump on my eye for me to call it quits, but that's what your guy is doing to you. Overall, it sounds like you're pretty much a textbook case of abuse, and there is a very simple way to handle it: make tracks. Oh, and I second Fayre, here, on calling the cops. Death threats are not cool. That is the rule that must not be broken. You are better off lonely than putting up with that crap. You are better off in a homeless shelter somewhere, and I am seriously not kidding at all.
First of all, Im so sorry to hear that this happened to you. No one should be treated like this, least of all by someone they love or are in a relationship with. Second, if you were forced to haved sex, then you were sexually assaulted/raped. I would very seriously consider reporting the assault, since the assault indicates that he (your partner) is quite capable of carrying thru on any sort of threat of violence against you and doesnt have any reservations abot doing so. As much as you care about this person, you need to do what is right for you to protect yourself. So my advice - drop this guy & call the police, it may be the prudent thing to do, as this very much sounds like it is heading towards an abusive relationship very quickly...
I'm mostly just here to echo what everyone else has said, but I also wanted to add that, in this situation, I realize that going to the police might not be something you are comfortable with doing. If you think you can manage it, I would encourage you to do so, but if not, I would look for support groups for abusive relationship survivors or for sexual assault survivors (if that's what you feel happened to you), or your own counselor if nothing else is available in your area. This is something that you should involve other real-life people in, whether the authorities or people who can give you emotional support. In any case, take him seriously - assuming he didn't mean it will either do nothing or get you in trouble or hurt, but assuming he meant everything he said will either do nothing or keep you from getting hurt. So take the safe route and assume he meant it. (*hug*) I'm very very sorry to hear that this is happening to you. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and wishing only the best for you here. Please keep posting if there's anything you need to talk about (whether for advice or just someone to listen). We're here for you. (&&&)
The first thing that stuck out to me was that you were feeling bad about this whole thing. I want you to make sure that you are in a good place emotionally. Talk to people, or post on here if you are not ready to talk to people face-to-face. This is not your fault. I have to stress that, this is not your fault. Threats of violence and sexual assault need to be taken serious Davidallen. This person is clearly abusive, and in my opinion not someone worth spending your time with. I think that you need to consider talking to someone at a rape support line. I think that it is also important to consider the possibility that you were exposed to an STI. Ask yourself honestly what are the chances that this guy passed something on to you? Did he sleep with someone else? Did he use protection? If you think that there is a high risk consider getting prophylactic anti-retroviral treatment. I know you are going through a lot, and this is the last thing you want to add to your list, but time is important in getting this treatment. If you think that you may have been exposed to an STI, don't freak out, it is not the end of the world, and there are treatments/cures for most, if not all of them.
thank u but he wont get in troble will he because i still love him after all of this i just cant take this anymore
When he's not paying attention, kill him :3 ... no, not really. That would just make matters MUCH worse. First of all, you need a hug. *hug Second, the guy you're dating sounds like a complete dick. If he actually CARED about you, he wouldn't a) cheat on you, b) threaten to kill you if you break up with him, and c) he wouldn't have sexually assulted you. If you feel threatened by him, report him to the police immediately. What he did to you was RAPE, and that is not only immoral, but it is AGAINST THE LAW. His sorry ass would be better off in jail if he thinks he can get away with that. From a psychological standpoint here, the death threat could also be a way for him to scare you from leaving him. You are worth so much, and he doesn't have the right to treat you like crap. His threat could be hollow and used tp scare you, or he could really mean it. Long story short, report his sorry ass to the police. I hope thinks get better! Stay strong bro! ^^
Excellent advice from everyone that's posted. The important thing to remember here is you have to come first. And if he's cheating on you, and telling you, in effect, "Well, you better stick with me because no one else would want you"... then you NEED to get out of that relationship, and fast, because it is very abusive and hurtful to you and your self esteem. As for his threat to kill you if you leave... it's a judgment call. If you think there's any possibility he's serious and not just angry in the moment, or if he has ever been violent with you (or anyone else) in the past, then you should probably make a police report. In most cases, a friendly visit with a police officer will get the message across that he best not mess with you. The advice to call a rape crisis line or domestic violence line is also advisable. If your family is supportive, you might want to discuss what's going on with them as well. Please keep us advised of what's going on, and my thoughts are with you.
Oh man sorry he cheated on you. I'm agreeing with everyone else. Calling the police is the right thing to do.
well thanks for the advice i will try to leave but what if he is right and no one will love me or want me
Why no one would love you or want you, after you leave him? Its not like hes doing you a favor for being with you, he is because he loves (or loved?) you sometime, and you did/do the same for him. Honestly, I think he is just trying to sentimentally control you or something. I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people ready to love someone, and to be loved by someone, and that someone can be you. I'm sure many other guys have seen you and thought "Shame that guy is taken...he is so nice!" There are just too many people in this world to think you will never be loved / again... Good luck (*hug*)
my boyfriend is in jail now but i am scared that he will get out and come after me because i betrade him im so scared
Glad ur getting better! Hope everything turns out okay... do u think ur safe? He sounds scary. Btw ur cute im sure plenty of people will want you.
Kudos to everyone who offered good advice in this thread. All I have to add is that there are many people out there who care about you, and many others who would want you and love you except they haven't met you yet. And probably all of them are nicer than your ex. So don't stress about not being wanted.
Good to hear. Your boyfriend was (as my father would say) an asshole of the first waters, and he is precisely where he needs to be. Now keep working on getting yourself to a better spot. Lex
Hi , having been abusive relationship for almost 10 years..Its hard to leave but once they start the abuse only gets worse over time..And ya deserve so much more..There are DV shelters all over that deal with sexual and physical violence and offer support programs..They are great place to start , cause its hard when its someone ys love and care for so much..And i understand not wanting to get him in trouble.. But if someone can think it, say it, they can follow thought with it ..So please get help and be careful my friend.. If ya ever want someone to talk to please message me..Ive been there my abusive got so bad they relocationed me to another state to get away..
