I really want to come out, but I don't feel ready.

Well its always a tough decision, there are some people who counter act this by coming out as not straight, or gay with exceptions, but sometimes you want a more common label. Getting it wrong was one of my big concerns and stumbling blocks before I came out but I got to the point where I thought I could wait forever and still maybe not be sure, especially as its easier to date once you are out. I think you have to get to the point where you think whats the worst that can happen if you come out as gay and then fall in love with a girl. Sure a few people might make comments but it will all soon be forgotten and as long as you are happy.

 

Give it some time, I just came out to a few friends. At first it was one person, and I wanted to tell more people, but didn't feel ready. I waited, and I got the feeling a few days later. The next day I came out to a third... That's as far I have gotten, even though I want to tell more people. Congratulations on telling your mom; I'm too chicken to tell family yet.

 

since u dont know for certain, u dont need to coem out to anyone. you can come out to yoruself as "open" and just date whoever you feel. once you find a track record of what u like then you can deal with it.

 

Maybe something about the anxiety of coming out is what's causing you to question yourself? It sounds like you're pretty confident about who you are before you come to the point of revealing it.

You might try continuing to come out one person at a time - it went well with your mom (and congrats on that, btw!), so maybe that would be a more comfortable way to do it. I think I've only come out to a whole group once, and it was completely intimidating.

 

I have had similar thoughts run through my mind in the past, so while typing the following text, I realized you actually helped me sort some stuff out for myself. Thanks! That being said:

You have no doubt you like dudes, so either way, you aren't straight. It seems so obvious when stated, but I still catch myself having to reminding myself that sometimes when I wonder if I might possibly be able to fall for a girl. Also, the very fact that you are so unsure weather or not you could be interested in a woman, but so sure you could be interested in a man, says a lot in and of itself. I think it is natural to wonder and be unsure, especially since there are some super cool women out there even if you never find yourself attracted to them "in that way."

And in the end, if you do decide to come out as gay but find yourself interested in a woman, would taking a small step back toward the closet really be so terrible, especially considering that you would have already survived all the hardships of coming out of it in the first place?

 

Sexual orientation labels are descriptive, not prescriptive. I identify as "gay" not because I believe I will always and forever be attracted only to men, but because so far that seems like the most accurate label. Any attraction I have towards women appears to be so minimal as to be irrelevant. However, that doesn't mean that someday I won't wake up, see a woman, and think "OMG!" If that happens, I'll just shrug and start identifying as bi. No biggie. I can explain to my friends as needed.

 

You could always come out as gay/bi/queer, and explain what that means to you. If that means that you are mostly into the same sex, and occasionally interested in the opposite that's fine as far as I know. The label is part of the definition, but your explanation of what it means to you is more important.

 

I have the same problem as you, I want to but I just dont find a way, the thing about maybe liking girls is going away though I guess Im just getting used to the idea that I dont, and that its no likely to change at all. But you have to figure it out for yourself

 

I know how you feel (I'm in the almost exact situation).
My advice is, if you don't feel like you can be straightfoward about it, to slip some hints that you aren't straight. By doing that, you could slowly prepare both yourself and everyone else for when you finally tell them the news!
I hope this helps, and wishing you the best of luck bud! ^^

---------- Post added 18th Mar 2012 at 10:44 PM ----------

I know how you feel (I'm in the almost exact situation).
My advice is, if you don't feel like you can be straightfoward about it, to slip some hints that you aren't straight. By doing that, you could slowly prepare both yourself and everyone else for when you finally tell them the news!
I hope this helps, and wishing you the best of luck bud! ^^

 

Coming out is always tough but you ahve to do it when you are 100% confident in yourself. Once you come out, there's no going back so if you're still ahving doubts, stay in the closet.

 

I disagree. For many people, knowing for sure is not an achievable goal. As I said earlier, sexual orientation ID is a descriptive, not prescriptive. You can always be wrong, but that shouldn't stop you from coming out. And it sounds like you're definitely at least bi, so I wouldn't worry too much.

 

Hello, Welcome to EC.

I don't think you should worry too much about whether you are or not; it is not necessary to receive a label for you to be straight or be gay. If you are not sure, do not label yourself, and just go with being you.

On another note... Do you see yourself in a long-term relationship with a male? Do you see yourself living with a male? Now do you see yourself in the same situation with a female?

 

You don't have to come out as gay.

A good first step is to come out that you're questioning. It sounds like the truth also.

I came out as questioning to my mom and to some extent I still think I am. In a later discussion I prepared her by saying I feel pretty strongly that I'm probably bisexual and may later lean towards gay. I identify to my friends as bisexual because it's easier for me to use that label right now and also allows me the option to go out with women and at the same time feel comfortable about my sexuality.

I don't agree that you have to stay in the closet right now. I think this is the happy medium. I came out to my mom by saying "I'm thinking of joining a coming out group." I came out to my brother by saying "I had a crush on her last year." Those statements were by no means definitive nor were they labels, and more importantly they were also the truth.