So for as long as I can remember, which would be first grade, I've always liked girls. I liked boys too. So I knew I was bisexual for most of my life (didn't actually know the term, I just knew I liked both genders) and didn't know the term for it until I was 15 and in high school. And about 3 years ago I began questioning my sexuality. This is something I would like a little advice on. You see, I like people. I like males and females, I like people for WHO they are, not for their genitals so to speak. But when it comes to relationships, I much prefer women to men. Here's where things get complicated that I need help with. When I have a relationship with a guy, it doesn't feel right to me. Like, sure, I enjoy their company and being around the guy, but I don't like the intimate parts. I can find a guy attractive, but not sexually. With women, I feel attracted to them in every single way. It feels completely natural. So it sounds like I'm a lesbian, right? Simple enough, so what's my problem with figuring it out when it's so obvious, right? Well, it's not so simple because as I mentioned I do find guys attractive, just not sexually. I'm frustrated over this because I am not sure if I'm just at the point in life where I'm going to question my sexuality (as I've heard most people do) or if I'm finally realizing I am a lesbian. I just want some advice about this. I want to say I'm a lesbian because that just seems so right to me, but the fact that I can find myself attracted to guys is what confuses and frustrates me to no end because I am attracted to them but not in every single way and it doesn't quite feel right to me. :/ Can anyone possibly help me sort my crazy thoughts?
Sounds like you are having some trouble distinguishing the difference between attractive and attracted. It is a subtle but important difference. It is the difference between looking at a woman and thinking, "Wow, she's beautiful. I would like to be with her." Then looking at a man and thinking, "Wow, he's beautiful. Hey, look at that painting over there. That's beautiful too!" In this example the person thought both were attractive, but was only attracted to the woman.
See this is where I think that the term biromantic homosexual may apply to you. You find both of the genders romantically stimulating, but sexually only find the same sex. Its all labels anyways. Just follow your heart.
I love the example you used, and what you just said has opened my eyes. You're right, it's a very important difference and thank you so much for helping me see that. It's something I'm going to think about all night. Reading it right now, your example you used is pretty much spot on with the way I feel when I look at a man and then a woman. Thank you so much!! ---------- Post added 16th Mar 2012 at 08:24 PM ---------- I've never heard that term before. lol But that's a very interesting one. Thanks for the input. I will definitely follow my heart, very good advice. Thank you.
I was about to ask basically this exact question, too. Thanks, Marionette! Basically, I'm definitely attracted to girls, and perhaps a little bit attracted to guys - I can't tell. I'm the same as Marionette in that I can find both sexes attractive, but I think I'm attracted to both. I've never had a relationship, so I can't really tell. I also like people for who they are, so I put my orientation as pansexual, but I definitely like women more than men. I think "lesbian" fits me, but I don't want to exclude relationships with men... any advice?
HAHA well said Cloudbreaker! I also try not to worry about the labels and just be with the people I want to be with. I feel the same way a lot. With girls I'm usually attracted first physically and then romantically/personality/dating-wise, and with guys it's usually the opposite. Fewer guys I'm interested, but it's still there occasionally - there's that one guy every now and again where I'm like wow. Girls are usually the ones I check out and am "attracted" to more often then not and usually want to jump on faster haha. Don't really care if that fits into a box.
I agree with greeneyes that it's more important to be happy than to be able to put an accurate label on yourself. If you are more happy in relationships with girls, then seek those. That doesn't mean you are a lesbian, and it doesn't mean you aren't. If at some point you want sex with a man, that's fine too. It doesn't have to mean your sexuality *changed*...it's just another part of your unfolding understanding and experience of you. And there are definition people who find both sexes attractive, but only want sex with one...and people who can fall in love with both, but only want sex with one...and people who want sex with both, but only fall in love with one. If people require clear-cut boxes to put themselves into, then we're gonna need a whole lot more boxes over here! But when you cut it finely enough, we're pretty much each in a box by ourselves...and what's the fun of that?
