I identify as genderqueer, biologically female. If I were more attracted to girls than guys, would I classify myself as lesbian? In the same way, if I liked guys more, would I be straight? Right now I put my orientation as pansexual because that feels like it fits, but I'm struggling with figuring out whether I'm lesbian or not (I like girls, guys, and other, but girls and other more.) So I was wondering what term I'd have to use. Personally, gender-wise, I often use male pronouns, but since I'm sexually female and not out to most people I use female the vast majority of the time. I'm comfortable with being called both, but I think I like male better. If I say I'm lesbian, most people would assume (correctly) that I prefer girls. If I say straight, most people would assume that I like guys, and I'd have to explain the whole gender thing (which is kind of hazy in itself,) but that may fit better... I don't know. Advice?
Well, remember, don't mix up your gender with your sexuality. They have no bearing on one another! You are what you are, but that has nothing to do with them being them! I have a hard time explaining my gender situation too, I have very little advice to give other than to sort of avoid the subject. Telling people what you think they want to hear isn't the best thing, just sort of say "none of your business, sheesh!" if someone ever asks you about your gender, or sexuality, or both. That's what I do at times, cause it's none of their ding-dong business! If you feel like going an extra mile for someone who you feel deserves to know a little more, don't mention anything about your gender, but do try to explain your chosen sexuality term (again, if they ask). Just mention that you are pansexual/whatever you choose to classify yourself as in the future. I find gender to be a much more personal topic that people don't really understand at times. I would try not to classify yourself as anything, really! You don't have to try to fit a square block into a round hole, if you catch my drift. I wouldn't really fret too much about what sex you're attracted to, because it makes it all a lot less clear and harder to figure out. Just observe yourself, and if you still feel like you need to classify yourself, do it based on those observations. I, personally, am pretty discontent with my biological gender, but this website helped a lot and cleared up all kinds of stuff for me! http://genderqueerid.com/gq-terms Check it out! Good luck!
Well, what I'm saying is not that my gender has bearing on my sexuality, but that my apparent gender + my choice of word for sexuality has a bearing on what people presume my sexuality to be. I know, I care way too much about what people think of me, but oh well. I'm still kind of in the stage of "I'm gay, don't kill me please" so acceptance by others is very important to me. I agree completely about not classifying myself, but doesn't modern society kind of want everyone labeled, nowadays? I'd prefer just being "me," but society seems to say "We want to know exactly what you are!" That website's pretty good, but it seems like I fit the categories for four or five of the terms. The reason I identify myself as genderqueer is that I fit a lot of those categories, but I don't like some of those terms in relation to myself, so I chose the loosest category. Sometimes I feel agender, sometimes I feel third-gendered, sometimes gender-fluid, sometimes almost entirely male, demiguy, demigirl, whatever. So many terms!
I totally get your feelings of wanting to be accepted: Everyone does! It's unnatural for humans to not care about how other view them, which makes a situation like yours hard because presenting yourself is like trying to put together a jigsaw puzzle. Really, really hard. You aren't obligated to tell the world what you are if you don't want it to know! That's the joy of privacy. You don't have to tell everyone if you're not comfortable with it. You are who you are, and you love who you love! That's all that really matters. I tend to identify with androgynous, but leaning towards a very trans-masculine side of things. It's okay if a term doesn't fit you exactly! Using "genderqueer", and letting someone else do their own research is fine.
Yeah, I hardly know what I am myself. A mix of colors; half a rainbow. Something. Well, what I would like is for everyone to know and not have a problem with it. Obviously, that doesn't happen often, but I agree. I am who I am. How did you figure all this out for yourself so well? Yup, usually I let people ask their own questions beyond "genderqueer." Sometimes, words can't explain.
Well, while I don't identify as genderqueer, I figured I'd at least try to give a bit of advice. Have you considered maybe not using the typical labels for orientation? So instead of saying you're lesbian, gay, bi, etc. just say "I like girls," "I like guys" "I like both" or something like that. Just a thought that I hope works for you
BWAHAHAHAHAHA FIGURED OUT YOU BEST BE KIDDING Haha, it's just that I've had a lot of time to think, and a lot of wonderful people to express myself to here at EC that has shooed some of the clouds from my head away. It really helps when you're able to put what you're feeling into coherent, visible thoughts. I wish you nothing but the best, Harlequin!
