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Mum seems accepting, doesn't she?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sayu, Mar 18, 2012.

  1. Sayu

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    So I was thinking a lot about coming out to my mum. She seems quite tolerant, but I am not sure. Here are some situations when she got to speak about gay people.

    1. Once we were having a birthday party (my little sister's B-day) and the conversation went suddenly like this: One person: "What do you think? Isn't that (homosexuality) an illness? It is weird, isn't it?"
    Mum: "Well, we should tolerate them, because no one can ever know when it will be their child."

    2. My mum voted for the political party that wants to make registered partnership of homosexuals legal. Her boyfriend asked her, why, he was like: "Omg, why would you vote for fags?" (I don't know whether he is homophobic, in the end, he voted for them too :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:)
    Mum: "Well, you know, it is hard, what are you going to do when your 18-year-old child comes out to you that they are gay?"
    (I personally think she maybe voted for them because she already intuits that I could be a lesbian).

    But there were also a few unpleasant situations like:

    1. I was hanging around with my teacher (she was very young and we were friends that would go outside together for a walk everytime we could) and mum told me she thought we were spending a way too much time together (now I know she was true) and that she started to think I loved her.

    2. When my mum found out I was chatting a lot with one gay person (she didn't know whether it was a girl or a boy, because she only saw a few conversations that I have saved to my pc (my mum just accidentally saw them)) and said: "You are chatting with a gay person?" I was like: "Eeeerm, yeah." Mum: "Is it a boy or a girl?" Me: "A boy!" (I was lying because if I told her it was a girl she would know I loved the girl...)

    So what do you think? Is my mum okay with gays? Should I come out to her? I mean... I know she won't get at me, she loves me very much (and my siblings as well) and I love her to veeeeeeery much. What do you think? I just need you to encourage me, please :icon_redf
     
    #1 Sayu, Mar 18, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2012
  2. PianoNate

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    **wishing lots of encouragement your way**

    But to me, it sounds like your mom already knows about you ... and is trying to create an open environment for you to be comfortable in. Having said that, don't go running to blab on my account. Wait for some smarter people in here to comment as well.
     
  3. Christiaan

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    I would be worried if your mother were not trying to protect you. This isn't a gay/straight thing. This is a "your mom cares about you and worries about you" thing. That's my assessment, anyway. If you start dating women openly and she doesn't seem to react, then I would start to worry. It is normal and a GOOD THING for a mother to be protective. She loves you, and don't forget that.
     
    #3 Christiaan, Mar 18, 2012
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  4. Sayu

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    Thank you! :slight_smile: I also think she knows or at least intuits... I hope so. But I think everybody who just looks at me must at least intuits. I don't look as a girls at all and I don't even try to and my mum know that for sure...
     
  5. Sayu

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    Thank you. I think she would react if I dated a girl, but I should tell her first, shouldn't I? :confused:
     
  6. silverhalo

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    I think deep down she probably knows, if you feel like you want to tell her then go for it, but if you really dont want to then dont feel like you have to.
     
  7. greeneyes

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    Agreed.

    Also, not to be a slight Debbie Downer, your mom may not actually know. It's one thing to say what if it's your kid and it's another to say wait it's my kid. It sounds like you're mom will be incredibly positive, but I wouldn't necessarily expect her to say "I know." She probably will, but I was in the same situation and my mom was pretty surprised.
     
  8. Carpe Diem

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    I think she already knew and was trying to drop a few hints. I mean, she did say all those things within earshot right? So she was hoping you would catch on to it.

    Did she say this when you were 18? She might have been talking indirectly about you. Or maybe 18's the legal age to marry in your state and she's referring to the blanket age.

    If you feel comfortable with coming out to her, then do it. If you don't, then take your time. There is no rush (though the sooner, the better).
     
  9. caughtbywitness

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    Go for it. The situations against are not really against, it seems she's actually trying to provoke an answer/confirmation to what she may suspect.
     
  10. Sayu

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    She actually did xD It was soon after my 18th birthday. I was in the other room at that time and my face was like: " :eek: :help: " :lol:

    Thank you everybody for your replies, they are very wise and cheerful! :icon_wink
     
  11. Carpe Diem

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    So you were eavesdropping eh? Bad girl, very baaaaaaaaad girl :grin:

    Oh well, do update us if you decide to come out to your mum because this one sounds like it's going to be one with a happy ending. All the best to you! :grin:
     
  12. Sayu

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    :icon_bigg I will update if something happens, but I am a coward when it comes to coming out, so I don't think that will be very soon... :confused:
     
  13. Christiaan

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    Well, you could just try skirting around terms like "gay" or "lesbian," and discuss it in a matter-of-fact kind of way. Personally, I think you communicate a lot more by saying something like, "I admit that I have feelings for boys, but I feel that girls can do something for me that boys can't," than you do by saying, "I'm a lesbian."

    And I can predict her reaction right here: "Have you tried dating a boy? How can you know?" Depending on how candid she is, she might give you a variable amount of input about sex and relationships. If you want to keep her open-minded, you also have to be open-minded. As soon as either of you goes on the defensive, it shuts down the conversation. Listening is the most powerful tool of persuasion there is.

    Good luck to you.
     
  14. Sayu

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    Actually, I have dated some boys, but my longest relationship lasted for not even a month. And I can't say that I enjoyed it, I was just trying to be with a boy. That was the last relationship I have been in and it was when I was 13, so it's been 5 years since I am single with no boys around me. I don't think she would say things like that, because she knows I have tried it. Well, I am still very nervous :confused:
     
  15. Nemo39122

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    It seems like she already knows. Sounds to me like she was very homophobic at one point, maybe still is a little, but is trying to become more open-minded and accept you (if she knows/suspects, that is).
    As far as telling her, there's no rush. Wait until you're ready and you think she's ready. If you're not sure, maybe give it more time. Good luck :slight_smile: