I dont have any inentions of coming out to my parents yet, but they´ve asked me if I am many times already, for things like music, and wanting to look good and stuff like that. I have denied it all of those times. But after consulting about it here, I decided that the next time they asked, if they did, I just wouldnt deny it. Well, that time was today... I mentioned something about wanting colored pants, like the ones that everyone is using now a days, well, my mom thinks they look gay, so today someone brought the topic up, and my dad was like "So I want you to answer me honestly, are you gay?" I couldnt believe it, so I just looked away, and was like "why do you ask that?" and then I kind of tried to change the topic, and he asked again, and told me to give him a straight answer, and asked me why I didnt answer yes or no. My sister started to look at me kind of horrified, and disgusted, then my dad said he was going to send me to a psychologist, and I said, well send me to a psychologist, and he said "so are you gay? just answer the question!" And I started to panic, I said no :bang: I literally was trembling. Im still kind of nervouse from what happened. But dont you think that they have to know already?? I mean if I werent gay why would I hesitate so much?? Oh and on top of that my mom started asking me if I wanted to look good for girls, and if I liked girls, obviously I said yes to both, this was after I had said no to being gay. I just feel like with all this, they should know by now, but they didnt talk about it again later, and right now Im scared that they might know, which Im sure they should, but maybe they really dont know....:help:
I think they do suspect but they aren't 100% sure so they're trying to get the truth out of you. To me, I don't like how they're trying to force the answer out of you. As your parents, they should wait until you're comfortable to tell them yourself.
I think they know. Actually, I know they know. If you feel you just can't tell them, feel free to send them a text, or write them a short note. "You asked if I was gay today. I wasn't ready to tell you. Now I am. Yes, I'm gay." Lex
It sounds like they know, but just need to hear it coming from you. Since there is already a huge cloud of awkwardness between you and your parents on this subject, maybe you could flat out ask them how they would take the news of you being gay. You could word it like, "You guys keep asking if I'm gay, so what would you do if I ever said yes when you ask me?" Then, if the outcome doesn't sound so bad, you can admit to what they probably already know. And if they would react badly, then you could keep the cloud of awkwardness right where it is. Either way, it would be very informative and give you a glimpse into what your parents are thinking.
I know how you feel, same thing hapened to me, just not as hectic as yours. My parents have been trying to get me to be more lady-like and get me to wear dresses and stuff, and they told me that when I go out with them they are embarressed by the way i dress. So i told my dad that im just not into girl-clothes and makeup and stuff and he asked me flatout "are you a dyke?" then added "if youre lez its ok just tell me"and i didnt know what to say, i just froze and tried to change the subject. Then my dad was on the phone to my step-mom and told her that i "didnt deny it, so who knows" but in such an insulting way.Ive been wanting to come out to them for a while because my dad said that he doesnt care, but not when they behave like this. So yeah, im here if you need someone to talk to.
I'll second Lex's response. They know. They may not like it, and the sending you to a psychologist is part of the "bargaining" stage ("Well, maybe he is gay, but if we send him to a psychologist, I'm sure they can fix him"), but obviously they care about you and want to know what's going on. So I think the rest of Lex's advice is right on the money as well. If you can't tell them in person, as Lex suggested, a text, an email, a Facebook private message, even a note on the refrigerator will do the trick. No need for something long and drawn out, because it won't be even a mild surprise to them. I know it's hard, but they already know, so all you're doing is confirming what they have already been thinking about and dealing with, so they'll be fine with it. ... just make sure the psychologist you see (if they make you go) is not a Christian one, but a legitimate, non-religious one. One that specializes in LGBT issues would be a bonus, but pretty much anyone competent these days will be equipped to deal with it. And hey, everyone can use some therapy, so if the offer is there... grab it!
Today they acted as if nothing happened they didnt mention a thing, and they acted as they do everyday, they didnt behave differently with me, do you really think they know?? what are they doing?? Im just too scared of telling them!!
I'm guessing you did the same thing as them today and also pretended that nothing happened? They are probably just as inwardly conflicted as you, but want to let you take things at your own pace.
I'm with the general consensus on this topic. It sounds like they know and are trying to open up the conversation. Based on what you typed, it sounds like the therapy is more because they're convinced that you're confused/conflicted and less because you're gay. That's my two cents at least. If it helps, you can always start the conversation with "My sexual orientation is a personal and sometimes confusing thing for me. It's not that I was intending to be deceptive with you. It's something that I had to come to terms with myself before coming to terms with others."
I second everyone else. They seem to be definitely wondering whether or not you're gay, if not, they all ready know. I suggest you'd ought to come out to them soon, explaining as you do that you weren't ready before. At least it won't be much of a surprise to them when you do, which makes the whole situation easier. You also might want to add that you don't want to go to a psychologist. We all know that doesn't help. :3
I don't think they're wondering. I think they know, but are trying to get you to tell them so as not to REALLY force the issue. In short, it's like they're grasping and pulling furiously on the doorknob of the closet door. All you have to do is unlock it
Pretty sure they know. Nobody asks for that long without making it evident they're joking and doesn't have some strong suspicions. I think you've got two real options now (since you know they know): 1) Treat it like they know, and live your life as if everyone knows. Then next time they ask, you can just agree. 2) Properly take them aside and clarify that you were worried last time, and come out to them then.
You may be surprised how many people in your life already "know" you are gay. I'd say 50% or more of people I've come out to said they knew I was gay but never said anything. I probably would never have known unless I'd come out. One of my brothers thought I was bi, my sister was pretty sure I was gay, a former coworker and his wife said they knew, etc. etc. It's kind of comforting that people might already know, which makes coming out to them easier. Instead of hitting them with it "out of the blue" it is merely a chance for you to confirm the truth. And I think that means the most to people, that you are being honest not only with them but with yourself! My mom is asking me to see a psychologist who specializes in gay issues, and she totally accepts that I'm gay. She doesn't feel that I need fixing, just that a professional can hep me best in this journey. I wonder if your parents feel unequipped to deal with it and see a professional as a way to help you when they can't.
