I don't know if I'm the only one with this problem, but I seem to only be attracted towards men who have no interest in me (mainly straight guys). Also, I have no interest in guys who like me. In turn, this always ends up with me getting hurt by people who don't requite my love and me hurting others who want me. Does anyone know how to get out of this funk? :/
Oh yes, the dreaded straight crush. Seriously, why must all the cute ones be striaght or taken? XD Anyways, I feel your pain. Though I wish I actually could get over my straight crushes as well. So unfortunately, I really can't offer you any advice. OTL
Not really. About the only advice I would give is to try to befriend gay people, even those you don't (initially) want to date. Chances are decent you might start feeling a connection with one of them. Lex
Ah.... "forbidden fruit". Straight crushes are absolute hell. It just burns so much. I totally know what it feels like. I wish I could offer you a miracle cure. Or at least some decent advice. But I've got squat. Put me on this list of people needing help with this one. :icon_sad:
I'd say it depends on what's going on in your head. It's possible you're intentionally (unconsciously) going after straight guys, and dissing guys who show interest in you, because, at an unconscious level, you're deathly afraid of being close to someone. If that's what's going on, then it makes perfect sense why you'd go after unattainable guys, and avoid the ones who are available and interested... because as long as you're after unattainable guys, you (unconsciously) know you're perfectly safe and don't have to worry about a relationship with closeness developing. One "antidote" for that is to stretch yourself and try going out with someone even if you don't feel 100% attracted to them. If it's a guy with a great personality that you hit it off with as a friend... you might be surprised to see feelings develop after you hang out with him a bit. And even if that doesn't happen, it gets you out there, and interacting, and that both helps you, and, perhaps, puts you in touch with other people that you might like. The "dance of intimacy" as it's sometimes called is a very common problem for gay men (and a lot of straight couples and lesbians as well) and it often goes back to a fear that somehow we're not worthy or good enough to have a good partner. So another step you can take is, as silly as it sounds, start reminding yourself -- saying it out loud, preferably when you're alone -- that you ARE worthy of a handsome, healthy, emotionally available boyfriend and you DO deserve that. As you start to think that more, your outlook starts to change... and you start attracting (and being attracted to) healthier and more available guys.
i come from a different school of thought. i am actually in the same boat but i know many people say you're are being too picky. its not that you are being too picky its just that you like what you like and you can't help that. you also do not like what you do not like, so these other guys can be as nice as they want to be but if you are not attracted to them, you can't make yourself be. now as far as all the guys you are a attracted to are straight...i can relate. i think this occurs when you are not "out". if 10% are gay then the odds are you are mostly going to be attracted to nongays unless you put yourself in environments and surroundings where you can increase the odds in your favor. so if you go to a gay event or gay (whatever) the odds now shift in your favor. 90% will be gay and there could be 10% that are straight or not sure or whatever. see how things look better for you already. i do not believe that you have to go to "gay" things to find and meet gay people but because gays are everywhere. there's a straight looking produce manager at my grocery store that everytime i walk in smiles and make and looks at me with a stare. he is not at a gay club but im pretty sure he is gay. my point is, you have to just go for people that seem to indicate some level of gayness because trying to make a straight guy like you is a waste of time and will only do damage to your own self esteem. my advice would be to do the following: 1. find something gay that you can do (restaurants, meet up groups, bars, clubs, gay sports, etc.) go to them an check them out. when you are around more gays you will see various gays that you may like. i went to a bar once . it was some type of gay party or something. it was so packed. and i felt smothered and like i didn't belong so i sat down and just watched adn waht i noticed was how straight many of the guys looked but they were gay. so if the straight looking gay guy is your thing, he is out there but the only way you will know is if you go to somethign gay. i tend to suggest avoiding crushing on types that are gay and closeted because its very hard to figure them out and by nature of the "closet" there's usually only room in there for one person so you will likely just be a sex toy to someone or if they let you in their closet, you will have to be ok with staying in there yourself. but i dont think just because you are gay you have to settle for people and types that you're not into just because you have limited options and just because they like you. in the long run you are doing a disservice to yourself and eventually to them as well. however, once you date around, you may find that the ideal kinda guy you thought you liked may not be the guy you will like after you have expereinced him. sometimes you have to have the fantasy before you realize "hey this wasn't all that anyway".
I can relate on the liking guys who don't like you back. I'm going through that same situation right now. I like this guy at my school and he's super cute but he's immature and his friends are worse. Still it's hard to give this guy up.
Story of my life...with straight girls and guys with girlfriends =) Who hasn't had a situation where they love the unattainable?! I agree with insidehappy - you don't have to change who you are and settle for something you don't want, but you can expand the pool of opportunities where something can happen, particularly in places where it's obvious everyone's gay.
I'm the same way. Been in love with my straight friend for almost 7 years and still can't get over her. Other than her, I always find myself attracted to straight girls and never lesbians. I had this theory that I was thinking about the other day that the reason why I always want what I can't have is so that I can avoid actually getting it. I've been really hurt in the past and am now terrified of attachment or getting close to anyone or anything for fear of eventually losing them. When I want what I can't have, I know I won't get it; if I can't get it, I can't lose it. That's one way I feel about it. Or maybe I really just am not attracted to any girls that I know who are gay. Maybe you just haven't met the right person yet. Maybe the guys you are attracted to happen to be straight. It's not like you're purposely going after guys you know are straight, right?
Yeah, it sucks. All the girls I want to go out with are usually taken, and the ones that aren't think I'm weird. But I'm still waiting for that perfect girl and I know one day I'll find her.
Thanks for all the advice, guys. It's not like I'm intentionally attracted to straight guys. I'm sure I need to hang around more gay guys, but it's hard when you live in a small town.
