This is somewhere between a rant, a story, and a confession. At school I'm an advocate for gay rights. Though it's a hostile community, I bring LGBT rights in class discussions, I base assignments on it, I even started a gay-straight alliance. Many times when I give a presentation to a classroom, people ask me if I'm gay. I always tell them that my sexual orientation is none of their business but the truth is, I don't know. Lately, I've been noticing things, or rather started refusing to avoid noticing them. When my friends ask me, I tell them I'm straight, flat out. I think I'm lying to them. My mom's asked me if I was a couple of times. I don't know if she sees it, or if it's just for my enthuthiasm for LGBT rights. I've had a couple of failed heterosexual relationships, they never went very far. I thought that my feeling uncomfortable was just because they weren't right for me but if what if it was more than that? There have been some instances when I've felt strongly attracted to a girl friend grabbing my hand than my exboyfriend kissing me... Maybe I'm wrong...Can I be wrong? Ah! I don't know what to think or do, I don't even know what to ask anymore. A little help?
cheddar.........first I want to say THANK YOU for being such a great advocate in your school for gay rights. It's not an easy thing to do and it takes alot of courage! Secondly, why is it important to you to give yourself a label? You are 18 years old. You have your whole life to figure this out. It doesn't have to happen today. If you feel good holding a girls hand then what is so wrong with that? I think I would just trust my own intuition. Its not really important to figure this all out and give yourself a label. Just spend time with the people who make you feel good.
^^ yeah, what Becky said! :icon_bigg Your activism is a wonderful thing to hear about. There's so little of it in the world, especially the straight world and school environments, that it's an inspiration just to see what you're doing. There's no telling how many minds you've changed just by bringing the subject up when it might be unpopular to others around you. I wish I had half the courage you did when I was in school. Heck, I wish there had been (or I had started) a gay-straight alliance then too. As to your orientation, there's no rush on figuring that out. Usually, the simplest way to figure it out is to examine what fantasies have turned you on in the past. The old saying rears it's head again: "the proof is in the porn" :lol: Not that I'm saying you have to watch porn to figure it out. Just that your romantic and sexual desires usually come into better focus if you examine what romantic situations you generally gravitate towards. If a hand-hold with another girl is stronger than a kiss from a boy, you might not be straight. But that's okay. Over time, you'll realize if it was a passing thing or not. Most of us gay folks have an occasional attraction to the opposite sex too (although it's usually more of an aesthetic/beauty attraction in the end).
Heck there's not many people who would identify as straight and still be so helpful towards gay rights. I salute and thank you! And about your orientation, I always tell everyone the same thing when they claim to be confused; Just go with what makes you happy! If the thought of being with a girl is what you want, go for it! If you feel that you want a relationship with a male, then again, just go with it! Just do what makes you happy.
I love it when there are straight people and they defend gay rights It must be annoying always being questioned about your sexuallity if you did this as people always feel you have some ulterior motive -.- Well, whatever you discover you are, be happy! =] I think you just need to experiment into it a little.
I agree with becky don't worry about a label. A label is just there to help straight people to understand at least thats what I think. I hate labels, do what feels right to you there is nothing wrong with how you're feeling.
Even though there is no rush to identify as anything. And it is good to go with your heart and head. I also know that having a label can make you feel like another part of your identity has fallen into place to make your identity feel slightly whole. And I'm sure thats the same for others. However, be patient. Go with your heart and instincts. And don't jump into any rush situations. And if you meet a woman who steals your heart then go for it.
That, I think, is probably the most important part of your post. Many of us have been there. In my case it couldn't have been much more obvious yet I still avoided noticing for several years.... You are now starting to accept all the information and evidence rather than discarding the more awkward stuff, and are on the way to clarifying your sexuality. That is a very positive step. That's the point I was going to make too. A label is not essential. However when you are uncertain about your sexuality and have been for some time, being told that you don't need to define it kind of leaves you floating in limbo. You've been trying to figure it out and now people are saying you don't have to, so you don't feel you're getting anywhere. So defining what you are can be a positive step and is somewhere to move forward from. Sort of like "Right, I now realise that I am gay/lesbian/bisexual/ whatever - what do I do now?" That label and definition are not permanent though. They could change at any time for any reason or no reason. So if at any time the label or definition doesn't seem to be quite right, then just come up with a new one that fits better. Or maybe at that point you will no longer want or need a definition at all.
Admitting to yourself is the first step to enlightenment, Grasshoppa...er, I mean cheddar. I spent years denying my own sexuality to myself before finally facing facts and accepting who I was. Despite having a few girlfriends in the past (a few of those being sexual relationships) I knew inside that I wasn't being "me". I admire you for all the work you put in to the LGBT society and the bridges you are building to bring the two communities together. If I were in your position I would spend some time actually thinking about your identity and getting your feelings into check before making any rash moves. Keep it up
Don't worry about labeling yourself until you find someone special. That's what I'd do if I were in your shoes. Just be open minded.
Well if you really want an answer that applies into the label. You gotta tell us what makes you feel like your straight? Why are you saying your straight? Alot of us gays and lesbians on here have been in the same situation as you. It's hard to admit it, because of all the responsability and things that could go wrong. But it's better then having that aweful feeling in your gut every time you say your straight. ...I should know...I still have to deal with that feeling. And I too have had very unsucessful relationships with the other sex. So maybe tell us at EC what exactly makes you straight since you told us you know why you think your gay. But feel free to ignore my words, I am thinking they could be a bit harsh compared to other responses. -Inarut: The new Jerk of EC hahaha
