So every year there is a dance in my area for LGBTQ youth. I really want to go, but I have no idea what it is like and I don't want to go by myself. I met one gay guy and I told him he should come even though he lives sort of far away (the acquaintance I'm out to). I might ask my friend I'm sort of out to as well. The problem is neither one of them have been. Anyway, on to the real question. I was on the website and there were pictures from previous dances and I thought I saw one (from 2009 mind you) with this one girl I know in it. I met her through this internship before the thought of being gay even really came into my head. (I regret not having made better friends with her because I think she could have been a good resource). I really want to ask her if the girl in the picture is her and if so how the dance was and if she is going this year. I mean I just feel bad because I don't want to make assumptions about her, but I know to her own dances she wore a suit and I know what she wore when I worked with her and not that that means anything and I hate to stereotype, but I don't know. Is stereotyping different if I'm using it in this way? Should I ask her? Would you personally be offended?
I don't think she'll be offended. I also don't think you need to ask her if she's gay. My friend and I plan on going to an LGBT party as friends of some of our out friends (both of us are bisexual, so we joke that we're bringing one gay and one straight person haha). I wouldn't deny I'm bisexual, but at the same time people can initially assume we're straight buddies (since a lot of people do that). And then if I want to make a move at the party to either gender I will haha. If she's offended you can always ask her to come as a friend! I've had a bad experience assuming based on website information, but it doesn't seem like the case here. So yea, go for it! Also I am always amused by a comment said in the movie Gray Matters (not that anyone should take advice from movies haha!). It was along the lines of, you can expect the first person you're interested in to love you back, you're going through gay puberty =) Sorry that was a lot of rambling, but I see no loss in this situation.
I mean I don't actually want her to come with me necessarily I just want to ask her like if she has been and what it is like. I wouldn't mind if she wanted to come though because I want someone there that I know. The thing is I don't really talk to her all that much. So would it be weird for someone you don't really talk to to ask you something like that?
Oh okay. Sorry if I misread your first message. Hmm...well it is a little weird to say you saw her photo on the website haha. Maybe you can ask her as a way to bring it up? If she says yes or no you can even ask if she has any friends who are also going so you can go in a group. Or you can just chat and ask her what she's doing this weekend or something and then when she asks you tell her. Or you can start a conversation "how are you" or "what are you up to" you can say you're going off to buy a dress/suit or something for this dance you're going to...or trying to find a date and ask her if she knows any LGBT people that you can go with as a friend. Those were some ideas off the top of my head of ways to bring it up without asking her out.
So I basically just asked if she had ever been to it. She told me all about it and didn't seem mad and suggested that I bring some friends (which I was going to do anyway). So I was texting one of my friends that I thought was cool with me. I mean she may be, but I answered the question she had asked and then I said so if I wanted to go to this dance would you come? Then she texted back and only commented on my answer to her question and completely ignoring the fact that I had asked her about the dance! I texted her back and I was like well thanks for saying you liked the dress, so about the dance? And she never replied. Ugh! what am I supposed to do? Should I just not text her again until she texts me?
Boo! I hate people who do that. That's lame. I would approach her in person about it and have a one on one conversation. If she blows you off it's weird. If she's worried about it being a date you can say you're inviting a bunch of people. Some people are totally comfortable with the theoretical you but if it becomes reality or if they somehow are involved they freak out. That said it may just be something else. Regardless you should ask someone else. You want to have as much fun as possible and not worry what others think, especially at an LGBT dance which is/should be an accepting environment. I'm so glad it worked out with your other friend though! She might also be a good resource for advice on this.
Thanks. You've been so much help on this. Ha. I guess I'll have to tell more people about me now... if I can tell my mom I can tell anyone! Lol.
if you are friends with her or know her in a way that you can contact her, it would be good for you to just reconnect with her and see if you can become friends again or hang out and establish a friendship. you have the internship in common so that's a great place to start. you are not sure that she was the girl in teh picutre so i personally would not ask her. but when you are becomign friends with her you can always ask her things like "hey are there events and stuff that you do that are fun, im looking to expand my network and always down for cool parties and stuff to go to."
TOTALLY. Great advice =) Also, no shame in going alone. As I said before, an LGBT dance is a pretty accepting environment. It may be a little awkward at first, but even if you're not enjoying it you'll be proud of yourself for going.
