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any Catholics? I want to go to Confession, how can I do so without betraying myself?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Caoimhe Fayre, Mar 20, 2012.

  1. Caoimhe Fayre

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    any Catholics in the crowd who are happy, well adjusted LGBTQs and still go to Confession and practice their faith like anyone else? any suggestions on how I can form my conscience and prepare for confession in such a way that I'm not betraying or hurting myself, but so that I am still participating in Lent and Easter to the full?

    I cannot possibly express how painful it is to think I may not be able to be a good Catholic if I'm LGBTQ, and everyone says I can still do it, I can still be both, but no one has practical suggestions for as to how. I want to be a practicing Catholic, the kind who goes to Confession and Mass regularly, and who reads scripture and is still in love, head over heals in love, with Christ.

    I just want to be able to keep that part of me without having to hate or betray the part of me that persistently crushes on other women and finds 0 interest in even the most attractive and solid of Catholic men.

    any suggestions on good examinations of conscience, or good reading, or good ways to combine both and still be sane?

    most specifically, it's Lent. I want to go to confession. desperately. I think I will probably bawl my eyes out when a priest says the words of absolution over me. but how do I believe that those words are effective when I'm holding something back? why do I still feel ashamed of my sexuality, despite all the encouragement and support? I still feel like it's a black spot on my perfect record. like it changes me from someone worth loving and protecting into someone who deserves to be cast to the edges... and if I don't deserve to be cast to the edges of my faith, then why is that what I feel is happening?

    I honestly still feel a lot of despair here. I don't want to live denying my homosexuality anymore, but I also don't want to live hating or feeling cut off from my Church. how do I find a balance that's worth continuing on for?
     
  2. KneeDragger

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    Re: any Catholics? I want to go to Confession, how can I do so without betraying myse

    I'm Catholic and I understand what you're saying. First, just being gay isn't a sin. Just the act is (but you probably already knew that).

    Here's my thoughts on this and I'm no expert at all. According to the church, masturbation is a sin. As a matter of fact, it's a grave sin that requires confession each and every time. So masturbation and homosexual acts are both grave matters. People who masturbate and people who engage in homosexual sex must confess it. The priest must hear about masturbation a lot. You won't shock him with a homosexual confession.

    The sad thing is that if both are grave acts, then why don't they speak out about masturbation more than they do? I promise that there is a greater percentage of Catholics committing that sin than homosexuality!

    When I go to confession, I mention those types of sins in very generic terms. If the priest really thinks he needs details in order to absolve you, then he will ask. I've never had one ask any follow up questions! Usually I have so many that I'm just giving a bullet list anyway (ok, maybe I should go more often). I walk out feeling good about myself knowing that I gave a full account of my behavior.
     
  3. Zontar

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    Re: any Catholics? I want to go to Confession, how can I do so without betraying myse

    You're much better off leaving the church in the long run.

    Consider carefully the continual Catholic disparagment of gays and their proscription of normal human activities as evil.

    This doesn't mean you have to end your exploration of your faith though.
     
  4. colorful

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    Re: any Catholics? I want to go to Confession, how can I do so without betraying myse

    Alright so I don't actually know what it is that you are confessing. Maybe you could confess to not loving yourself enough and accepting who God has made you. I feel like that's what I would do... God loves you. Just confess for all your regular sins. Would the things you have done be wrong if it was a male? Also have you ever heard of the idea that it does not matter if you confess ALL of your sins God still forgives you for whatever it is. I don't think God actually sees it as a sin to fall in love with a person of the same sex and even to act on that love. God made you perfect-exactly who you are supposed to be. I mean the people Jesus looked for to spread the word were the "unwanted". See there were multiple stages of bible study back then. If you were really good you became a disciple of a particular rabbi and were chosen to perpetuate their teachings. All of the disciples of Jesus were fishermen etc.-they did not get picked but they weee the ones jesus wanted.

    Truly those rules are ridiculous and even the most strict catholic friends I have think so. God does does want you to ever be ashamed of who he has made you to be. People like us who get equality (I think)are the chosen people and we are here to teach others how it is supposed to be. Again, God does not judge you for being a lesbian, I mean he made you that way! Don't be sorry for who you are. Disregardthe fact that you are a lesbian and consider the sins themselves. What have you done or neglected to do that a follower of Christ should have done differently?

    Sorry if that was repetitive. Good luck!

    ---------- Post added 20th Mar 2012 at 11:32 AM ----------

    Alright so I don't actually know what it is that you are confessing. Maybe you could confess to not loving yourself enough and accepting who God has made you. I feel like that's what I would do... God loves you. Just confess for all your regular sins. Would the things you have done be wrong if it was a male? Also have you ever heard of the idea that it does not matter if you confess ALL of your sins God still forgives you for whatever it is. I don't think God actually sees it as a sin to fall in love with a person of the same sex and even to act on that love. God made you perfect-exactly who you are supposed to be. I mean the people Jesus looked for to spread the word were the "unwanted". See there were multiple stages of bible study back then. If you were really good you became a disciple of a particular rabbi and were chosen to perpetuate their teachings. All of the disciples of Jesus were fishermen etc.-they did not get picked but they weee the ones jesus wanted.

    Truly those rules are ridiculous and even the most strict catholic friends I have think so. God does does want you to ever be ashamed of who he has made you to be. People like us who get equality (I think)are the chosen people and we are here to teach others how it is supposed to be. Again, God does not judge you for being a lesbian, I mean he made you that way! Don't be sorry for who you are. Disregardthe fact that you are a lesbian and consider the sins themselves. What have you done or neglected to do that a follower of Christ should have done differently?

    Sorry if that was repetitive. Good luck!
     
  5. Caoimhe Fayre

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    Re: any Catholics? I want to go to Confession, how can I do so without betraying myse

    I'm going in the morning to confession, I hope it goes well... this will be the first confession I'll have gone to since quitting Courage, going to PFLAG, coming out, and ... I will probably not be prepared but hopefully I'll be ok anyway

    I'm sorry for being so negative. it's confusing and difficult and I still have a lot of pain around all of this. I just want to be ok and be fine and be all good, but I'm not yet. getting there, but not there yet.
     
  6. colorful

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    Re: any Catholics? I want to go to Confession, how can I do so without betraying myse

    Some people may not agree with this, but holding strong faith may be able to help you in accepting yourself. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Fiddledeedee

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    Re: any Catholics? I want to go to Confession, how can I do so without betraying myse

    Good luck – I'm Protestant, but I know some of what you mean; it's a lot of the reason I'm not out at church. Remember that there isn't anything sinful about homosexuality. I'm praying that it will go well for you. Nobody is ever really fully prepared for anything, I guess, so we can just do our best and God is with us. Things do take time, and pain, but you yourself recognise that you're getting there.
     
  8. dreamcatcher

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    Re: any Catholics? I want to go to Confession, how can I do so without betraying myse

    Have you ever heard of Dignity USA? Here's a summary of what it is from the website:

    "DignityUSA works for respect and justice for people of all sexual orientations, genders, and gender identities—especially gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons—in the Catholic Church and the world through education, advocacy, and support.

    In local chapters across the United States, we worship openly with other GLBT and supportive Catholics, socialize, share personal and spiritual concerns, and work together on educational and justice issues.

    We believe that God created us, Christ died for us, and the Holy Spirit sanctified us in Baptism. As GLBT Catholics, it is our right, our privilege, and our duty to live the sacramental life of the Church. We believe that we can express our sexuality in a loving, life-affirming manner that is in keeping with Christ's teaching."

    Dignity Canada is the sister organization. They're a lot smaller than in the US but the purpose is still the same. Here's the link for the Canadian one:
    Dignity Canada Dignit
    The US one has a lot more information that you can read up on homosexuality and Catholicism, but the Canada site has emails of the chapter sites where you can go to mass and meet other lgbt Catholics. There are only 4 chapters in Canada though so it might be very far.

    I came across this when I was also trying to reconcile my faith with being gay. I've never gone to any of the meetings so I don't know what it's like but it might be nice for you to go to a church that is accepting of lgbt people and is a part of your faith. Hope this helped :slight_smile: