Last year I was a (closeted) rep for Welcome Week at my school. That year, I also wasn't in the program I am in now. Over the course of this year, my two big things were that I came out, and I'm now studying something I actually really enjoy. I also loved being a rep, so I applied again to be one this upcoming year. I went through the application and interview, and it went mostly well. During the interview, I was a little nervous near the end because in responding to the "What sets you apart?" question, I did explain (impromptu) how coming out was the big change for me, as a rep, between last year and now in connecting with students. I got the results back, and I'm on a waiting list of sorts. It isn't too bad, because many people give up their spots all they way up until the week before Welcome Week, so there's a fair chance I can still get a spot. The thing is, I went through this process very unsure whether or not I should mention my coming out. I mean, given they want a diverse group of people so all the students can relate to someone, I figured explaining I was LGBT (or could be visibly LGBT) wouldn't necessarily hurt my chances. I decided that if I was going to rep again, I was going to do it on my own terms... and for whatever reason, it backfired on me. I'm kinda happy that I'm still being considered, when I presented myself as myself. But still, I'm bummed that for whatever reasons, 'myself' isn't as good as I was last year, when I got a spot from the start. I know they give preference to new reps over returning reps, but I'm not sure how big a role that plays in the decision making. Pretty much I'm at that point now where I'm looking over everything I did, and what might have been 'bad'. I don't know if I'm looking for advice really, I just figured that putting something kinda sad in Chit-Chat didn't fit. So, here it is.
Trying to know whether to come out or not in those situations is really tough. You can never really know exactly why things happened and its futile to try and analyze every single little thing about it. You will drive yourself crazy Concentrate on how you feel about it. You were brave enough to tell her about you and you put yourself out there. That's great. Would you have felt guilty if you had lied and then gotten the position? Maybe. Be happy with what you have accomplished and now get bigger goals Don't be too hard on yourself!
