I am Chris, 16, from Olympia, WA. I'm looking for some help with some issues I have about my gender, but my parents cannot afford therapy sessions. I've been at least queer ever since I was about eight and it got to the point around when I was eleven to where I thought that I should have been a girl and that being a guy was not who I am. I started having dreams about being a girl and dressing as one. By the time I was like thirteen I really wanted to see what is was like dressing as a girl, but never got an opportunity since my mom's clothes were really big on me so I gave up on that. It was pretty stressful with moving around from place to place and school to school since my dad is in the military and I was pretty alone and shy. I looked at girls almost longingly and really wanted to be one. Everything about my body feels wrong except my weight and my eyes, I hate body hair it's repulsive, I hate how scraggily I look and my physique. I hate my private part more than anything, it's revolting and I hate looking at it. I started taking less and less showers too because I hated looking at my body and I felt so repulsive. Eighth grade came around at a new school again in LA and I remember my friend saying that I would be a really good looking girl if I was born that way and I remember feeling so sad because I wanted to be beautiful and I wanted to be like any other girl in the world, but that I would never be able to. I kept it a secret from my parents until last year and they thought it was just a stage I was going through and they still do because I never bring it to their attention since they push it aside and refuse to help me. I just wonder if these are normal signs or if I really am transgender. I love girls, everything about most girls is perfect. There are exceptions, but I just love how they look, move and act (most of them). Girls are just so beautiful and I just hate the way guys look, being one is even worse, I don't hate guys in general, but I don't really like anything about being a guy. I hate masturbation because I can feel my private getting bigger and I do not want to feel it at ALL! I just need some help on figuring out if I'm transgender and what I should do since I cannot really see a counselor without money or a ride and I'm not 100% sure if I would like to do do this, but it does seem better than being a guy!:help:
I I can't accurately tell you since I'm not a therapist but you do seem like you are probably transgender. Sorry I couldn't be more help but I love to chat so message me if you wanna talk.
Hello Chris, welcome to EC! I'm not an expert on the T part of LGBT, but it sounds very strongly to me that you do fit the bill. Which is fine in itself, though I can only imagine how hard it is to go through personally. I'll let the other guys help you out with the big stuff, but for some reason I wanted to reply. You said everything about your looks feel wrong save your weight and eyes. Eyes are beautiful, they are a passage to the soul. So that's a good start. Maybe you could start with some small things for now, like shaving? You could hide that with regular pants and shirts if you don't want to be open about it I imagine. I would keep researching and reading and lurking about EC and exploring yourself. If you are, in fact, transgendered then you can proceed from there. I do recommend seeing some sort of counselor if you can find a way to do so. Is there anyone you can talk to at your school? Just know that you're beautiful, inside and out. That of course doesn't mean your outside matches the inside, or that you shouldn't change that, but you are beautiful. Good luck to you, I hope you figure things out soon. Feel very free to post here and ask anything you like. <3 By the way, I like your avatar, pretty!
Well, I wouldn't claim to an expert on transpeople, but I'd like to think I know a little bit since my best friend and two other good friends of mine fall under the "T" part of our community. Anyway, I'd feel comfortable saying that you are trans because what you described sounds more or less the same as what my friends have told me. And considering how long you've been feeling this way, I highly doubt it's a phase. Again, I'm not expert but there you are. I'm sure some of the trans members here can help you better than I, but I can let you know what my one friend did/does. She started out by shaving (fair warning, that might be a bit uncomfortable/weird at first because you won't be used to it). That, she said, made a HUGE difference to her because she especially hated the body hair. She also bought some cheap make-up, like dollar store stuff, to experiment with. I don't know what your hair is like, but she also tried putting hers up, since it was always longer. Once she got comfortable and used to that, she moved on to buying clothes. That's about the best I have, since she's okay being physically male at the moment, but I hope it helps some. Good luck, Chris! Edit: Oh jeez, I also forgot to mention that she chose a different name for herself. Not everyone does, of course, but there was just no way to make her name feminine, so she chose a new one.
Thank you both for responding, it is really nice! I just wish I knew for sure, I'm always second guessing myself, but for this I just cannot find anything I have really liked about being a male. For some reason I am still tentative on saying that I am transgender. Probably in the fact that my whole life is going to get more difficult because of the prejudice against transgenders especially since I am Catholic and so this would be like saying God made a mistake. Of course I'm not sure he did, maybe he put this as an obstacle like a disease or something, he tries to test your true love for him in many different ways. I would also like to add that I stumbled across two lesbians kissing and hugging each other and I felt something like that I would enjoy it and that being a lesbian would be a good thing that I could enjoy. I just wish I could be a girl for at least one day to see if I like it or not and my guess is that I will. Another thing that my mother brought up was that I would have to tell my entire family and their reactions and stress could be something that I don't want to cause. My mother told me about twenty times today that it's just a phase and I'll get over it soon, but it's been going on since I was like eight or nine and it's caused me a great deal of stress. My mother also thinks that I do not act very much like a lady would and it's partially true, but there are things that I don't do because I'm a little lazy so I tend to skip shaving sometimes although I cannot feel it if I do not mess with it, but I do get disgusted when looking in the mirror (even though I do anyway); I've tried to hide it from everyone because that would draw unnecessary attention on me and my siblings do not need to know about it now, I usually do things that guys do so that I look like a guy and since I've been doing it for so long it's like a routine and I do not enjoy doing it, but I'm trying to draw less attention. I don't think it's entirely what I do that makes me more female that male, but how I feel and what I would do differently as a woman. I know that it would be more calming and less stressful being in a body that actually fits what I feel, and I know that I would do things differently because I would be happy in my own body and not depressed all the time stuck in my room trying to hide from the world. I'm trying my best to cope with being a guy, but the fact is that it rather sucks, although I just don't know if it's right to change genders even if I feel that way.
Now this I definitely get. Maybe some people are lucky and have an easy time of things, but every LGBT person I know felt apprehension at accepting who they are because to do so makes it seem as if there will be a huge shift in their life. And honestly, you feel face stress and prejudice. It's horrible and I wish it weren't true, but that's not how things are for us. But there's also a lot of joy that comes with it and it's so, so worth it for a lot of people (of course, in some areas/countries being LGBT means death, and there it's worth keeping it more or less to oneself). I would brush off your mom's comments, even if that's easier said than done. You know yourself better than she ever will because, well, you're you. Some people always throw about phrases like "it's a phase" and "maybe you're confused" and it isn't. And as for being ladylike? Gender roles aren't the same as gender. Jeez, there's almost nothing ladylike about me and I'm very happy to be female. I'm not religious, I left the Catholic Church long ago, but I really like what you wrote about God and how you see being transgender.
Hello, I'm trans, female-to-male, though. If you are looking for therapists, I know that sometimes churches (I am not religious but my mother is a member of a church so I got to do this through her) will offer free therapy services. They aren't specially designed (to my knowledge) for sexuality/gender identity issues, but there might definitely be a therapist who could refer you to someone else. It might also be worth your while to see if there are any groups in your area, like Stonewall Youth which is based in Olympia, WA (I searched "transgender support groups in Olympia WA" and got tons of helpful links). You could find therapists in places like that, or even just some helpful adults who have been in your situation.
If you have been feeling thsi way for a long time, then you should do whatever you can to get on some kind of antiandrogyn to prevent male puberty while you are still young. Your body is going to change significantly in the next 5-10 years. Sometimes you can get on spiro without a therpists note, I did. Then when you are eighteen you can start hrt if you still feel like it is the right thing for you.
Now I just want to know what to do, I do not want to just sit around and wait for my parents to help me. I need to try and help myself out or something I hate just wasting the days away knowing that the longer I wait the worse the results will be! Based on what you all said and what I've been thinking I'm like 99% sure that in the long run this will be beneficial for me and I'll love being able to be me. The one percent is the worry about my family and stuff like that, but I'm sure now that I'm a girl on the inside and I need to get out especially of the boy's locker room I hate P.E everyday and feeling so exposed in the locker room even though no one is looking at me, plus it's really awkward for me to have half naked guys around me with like only underwear on...
I think almost everyone worries about talking to their parents about this sort of thing. I'm moved out and I still worry about them finding out. I believe that everything will work out well for you though. You'll see. Just check out your area, what is available to you, and see if there are any proactive decisions you can make for yourself, without your parents interfering. And, of course, I hope you can work everything out.
