I know I have. I'm sick of being me. I either have to deal with the constant worry and stress associated with hiding who I am, or I have to come out to people which has probably been one of the most terrifying things I've ever done in my entire life. Not that I regret it...I don't. It's just hard for me to imagine having to deal with that amount of stress every time I tell someone... I just get exhausted sometimes. Hiding it, coming out, trying to accept myself, hating myself...all of it. I think of dealing with it in the future and that honestly scares me even more. Like when I date someone of the same sex...how am I going to hide that? I doubt I can, and I don't want to. It just scares me. I guess I've never really dealt with this part of it. I don't know. I'm just sick of it. :tears:
I know exactly how you feel, and I feel the same way too. I've been dealing with depression and social anxiety for almost four years now, and it just gets worse every day it seems. The stress of hiding, the stress of wanting to come out but being too afraid to, the stress of fearing, the stress of not wanting certain people to find out, the stress of holding it all in, the stress of wishing things could be better, the stress of feeling like the future is going to be just as bad as it is now or even worse...the list goes on. What I think and am hoping is that in the future when we do date someone of the same sex, that we would care and love that person so much that we no longer worry about what others think. We would just be so happy that we have this person in our lives that we can say to ourselves, "Screw it! I don't care who knows! I love her and that's all that matters to me!" This person would give us the courage, the push, to finally come out and embrace that part of ourselves with those around us. I know it's scary and extremely frustrating now; I'm dealing with the same thing every second of every day. But I guess I'm just hoping that things will work themselves out and get better somehow. Hang in there and good luck. You're not alone in this!
Yes, I feel like this too. I have enough to deal with (severe OCD, telling my parents and family I don't believe in God), and having this weight added to the list for the past year and a half is awful sometimes. In fact this, for me personally, is the easiest thing to deal with. I so badly want to just tell my parents and be done with it, because then I'll have less stress and I might actually get some happiness out of it. But oh, the fear. I start shaking just thinking about doing it. And I just get so tired, so tired of putting up with all of these highly unnecessary things. I kind of want to start living now, goodness knows it's been long enough. I think we all feel that way. Love to you and everyone who feels this way, someday we won't need to deal with all of this. (&&&)
Ugh... all the time! All I wanna do these days is sleep, sleep, sleep. I'm so emotionally and physically drained. I'm pretty sure I've started depression. I'm not sure how I'm gonna get it out of it. I told all this to a close friend a few days ago but he hasn't responded... which makes me feel even worse! Now I feel completely alone, except here on EC. If I could describe my life with an emoticon, it would be this one: :bang: It just feels like one big nightmare I'll never wake up from. :tears: I guess I'm not much help here, sorry :icon_redf but just so you know, you're not alone. We're all going through the same crap. Hang in there (*hug*) One positive thing I can think of is that it coming out does get easier (at least for me).
Like the above posters are saying, you're not alone in the "coming out anxiety" - almost every LGBT individual goes through it. If it helps at all, I can tell you that the fear, exhaustion, worry, stress, etc., of coming out, does, almost always, get better with the more people you come out to. And as you do that your own self acceptance tends to rise exponentially, to the point worrying about the perception of your orientation won't matter at all. Trust me, just keep it up, keep working on the self acceptance, and one day you'll be able to walk around with a gf and not give a shit what everyone else thinks . Now, if you think you have depression, that isn't necessarily cleared up by coming out and accepting your orientation... it didn't work for me, as I'd hoped - and if that were to happen with you, you'd may want to try and make some lifestyle changes (like I've completely failed to do so far ). Not sure if that is exactly the issue here though. In any case ~ Take care (*hug*)
Yeah I feel like that sometimes, I think in time it does get easier, I usually just try not to think about it too much, I cant change what I am.
