First of all, I'm not the one being possibly abused, it's my girlfriend. We had a long talk today about the things going on in her home, and I think it may be classified as abuse, although I may be wrong. Her stepmom (A) has never liked her. A always makes her clean everything, and when it's not done 'right', she yells and yells at her. She's always trying to intimidate her, and yells at her constantly. A has anger issues, and sometimes even yells at my girlfriend's baby sister. Also, when A snaps, she sometimes throws things. She's thrown a basket of cleaning supplies at my girlfriend before. Also, my girlfriend's dad has anger issues, too. He doesn't yell at her as much as A does, but when she doesn't get perfect grades, or when they're playing a game and he's losing, he'll just start cussing and screaming at her, too. There's also been what I'm pretty sure is physical abuse. One time, A was so mad at my girlfriend that she grabbed her, pushed her hard into her room, and slammed the door shut, yelling at her that she better not leave. Another time, my girlfriend's dad was mad at her about her grades, and he started yelling and cussing at her. She got mad at him and cussed back, and he grabbed her, threw her down on the couch, pinned her down, and screamed, "DON'T YOU DARE EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! EVER!!!" Today while we were talking about all of this, she had a flashback of it, and started crying really hard, flinching when I touched her. I'm pretty sure that's a sign of post traumatic stress disorder, but I could be wrong. She's tried to tell her dad about A, but everytime she does, he just thinks she's overreacting and won't do anything to help her. She's scared to death of A, and her dad, and up until a few hours ago (when she finally told me about how bad it was), she thought that this abuse was normal. Now she's realizing that she's living in a dangerous, unsafe home and is scared for both herself and her baby sister. I just don't know what to do about all of this, on monday she's going to see our school's social worker (who she is very close friends with) and tell her about this whole situation. Has anyone been through this sort of situation? What's going to happen to her? Will they remove her from the home? She has a mom living in arizona, but she doesn't want to live with her. Her mom has bipolar disorder, and also is very conservative and close-minded, and since my girlfriend is transgender (MtF), she would feel very unaccepted and unsafe in that home. I want her to stay close, I can't live without her, does anyone have any advice for me? For her? Please, this is a very desperate situation and I just need to know what to do...
I grew up in a very bad, unstable home. When I finally broke down and told the social worker at school, she called CPS and CPS apparently replied that if there were no definite physical indications, they couldn't do anything and chalked it up to "authoritarian parenting." At the time, I was being beaten but was unwilling to say as much because my mother had informed me that if she ever knew CPS was coming, I'd be dad before they got there, so I had been careful to never mention that to the social worker and only more or less said what you've said about your girlfriend. I'm afraid that doesn't help you, but that was seven or eight years ago and a different state, and I really, truly hope something good happens for your girlfriend. I thought it was normal for a long time, too, and it isn't. Good luck to you both.
Yes, that sounds to me like emotional, and probably also physical, abuse. How old is your girlfriend? Is there an organization in your area or a hotline you could call?
While 'normal' can be hard to define, this is not even reasonable. Use your common sense. This is not 'tough parenting' this is abuse. Take a stand and seek help from a trusted loved one. Good luck and take care of yourself.
My girlfriend is 16, and she actually tried to talk to a social worker about it yesterday, but she just totally dismissed it and said there wasn't enouch sufficient evidence to make a case. Neither of us know what to do know....She's afraid to even look at her dad/ stepmom right now...
It definitely sounds like abuse to me. I just really hope that things work out for the good of both of you.
Unfortunately, it's true that it can be very hard to prove that abuse is taking place. However, the social worker certainly shouldn't have been dismissive. Does she have somewhere she can go if things get worse?
Send a PM to BlairSW, our staff social worker. He works with CPS and oversees kids in foster care, so he'll be able to tell you whether the social worker's response was appropriate. Sadly, most social workers are grossly overworked and so they often look for opportunities to shortcut, but there are ways of getting action taken if the situation warrants it.
It doesn't sound like a safe environment, but it doesn't sound like it is extremly bad...at least not bad enough. I'm assuming since your both in highschool, that neither of you are 18. So if she did go to a social worker, and she thought it was bad enough she can either be moved into foster care, or with another gaurdian. She just has to weigh the odds. If she isn't being beat, or to badly emotionally abused, I'd say stay. Wait til she is 18, and move out. I know it isn't a nice household, but it isn't as abd as it can be. It really is up to her though.
