I need advice... I'm 28 years old and and still scared and confused about my sexual orientation. Growing up, I never thought once about sexuality or attraction, and never really even FELT attracted to anyone, even throughout high school. I was asexual, I guess. This kinda continued on until late in college when someone asked me if I was gay. At first I was surprised (because I hadn't thought about it before), but the more I put the pieces together, the more I realized just how fucked up I am. I was always the wimpy kid and desperately wanted to play sports when I was young. This ultimately led to an intense envy of other boys when I was in my early teens. The first time I masturbated (around 13), I was dressed up in football pads pretending I was a football player. From that moment on, that has been what arouses me most. I have an intense fetish for football/baseball gear, I am very strongly attracted to chubby men and boys, I am particularly aroused by these types of men when they act "super masculine," and I am filled by an intense envy/longing to be them and to have what they have. As a result, my attraction to women is minimal. I recognize their attractiveness, but just don't care about them that much. At the same time, when it comes to homosexual sex, I am confused: I look at random gay porn and it makes me turn away in disgust, and I have no interest in the penis; on the other hand, if its a video of a chub naked/etc, I'm overwhelmed with a desire to touch their bodies. Also, at the same time, I can jack off successfully to the thought of being with a women, but ONLY if I imagine myself as one of these "masculine" guys I'm attracted to. I just have no fucking idea what's going on. I'm thinking I'm gay deep down but am just denying it to myself. I can't deny I have this attraction to men; but at the same time, its an attraction to a very SPECIFIC type of man (for the 95% of other guys out there who aren't "bulky," I honestly don't think TWICE about their attractiveness). I "act" masculine and have always been into "boy" stuff. I always have had male friends and have always thought of myself a male. I just have no idea what's going on. Thanks, Scared
Keep in mind that straight men aren't attracted to every single woman they see. So it should be no surprise that gay men aren't attracted to every single guy that they see (I'm certainly not). Lets do some math: 7,000,000,000 people on the planet divided by 2 = 3,500,000,000 men 3,500,000,000 divided by 10 = 350,000,000 non-straight males in the world (determined by that random statistic floating around the internet that says one in ten people is gay) 5% of 350,000,000 = 17,500,000 = the number of men in the world you are attracted to who are also gay (and that's just attraction based on appearance). Which is about the same number of people who live in the entire country of Chile. So you see, your odds wouldn't be so bad after all. However, I realize that probably doesn't erase your confusion about your sexuality. I would recommend focusing more on what you do find attractive and arousing, and don't worry so much about what you don't. If it doesn't turn you on, don't watch it. You aren't doing yourself any favors by forcing yourself to. Just make sure you keep an open mind and don't shy away from your goal for truth. Hope this helped, and good luck!
There are quite a few people who are attracted to specific niches/types, and within the gay community, there is a large contingent of people that are called "chubby chasers" who are people that particularly like large men. There's another strong contingent of "bears", which are basically big men that are really hairy. And still others who only like extremely masculine guys. So I think it's quite possible you're gay, and your attractions are drawn strongly to the types you've described. When you think about attraction to women, the real question is, is there genuine attraction/arousal there, or is it more like a forced attraction that is coming about because, unconsciously, it's scary to consider that you might actually be gay? You've said you are turned off by penises, but like looking at naked chubs... so I could interpret that to also be an unconscious bargaining response: "I don't want to be gay, so I'm going to be repulsed by penises. However, looking at chubs is safer because I'm just fascinated by them, I'm not really thinking of them sexually." Look at where your eyes wander when you're out and about... is it guys or girls? At the beach or pool... are you looking more at boobs and butts of women, or chests and butts (or whatever) of men (in this case, chubby or hairy or uber-masculine men)? Finally, try masturbating and thinking about guys that really turn you on... and then, the next day or whatever, try the same thing thinking about girls that really turn you on... but thinking about you as you, not as some hot guy fucking the girl. I think if you look at those things, it should help you get more clarity.
well u need therapy by a trained professional because you have deeper issues than the attraction. 1. you are still hurt and pained by the wimpy kid image. 2. you interests are internalized into your festish. 3. your male attraction seems to be fetish related and based on your insecurities. 4. you have not pursued women but j/o to them. 5. you have digust for gay sex but yet you fetish for chubby. what do u think u are going to do with chubby once u bag one? you will have sex. but that digusts you. seek therapy. at this time u are not in a good place to be with anyone until you sort things out.
As others have mentioned, most people are attracted to a narrow segment of the population, certainly not every member of an entire gender. It's not unusual to have a physical "type" you go for, especially for men. The type you are describing is common enough among gay men to have whole sections of the pride parade devoted to them, so you shouldn't worry about it being not a "gay enough" type. Generally speaking, gay men do not want to be women. As a lesbian, I can tell you that being attracted to men and being a woman are two separate things. A friend of mine who is a male-to-female transgender lesbian (meaning she is a woman who was assigned as male at birth, and she is attracted to women) would also have a thing or two to say about it. Being very masculine and certain of your gender identity as a man does not make you straight. Many gay men are very masculine. If the only people you have ever been attracted to are men, I think you are probably gay. A good friend of mine who is a straight woman was totally repulsed by the very idea of a penis--until she fell in love. Now she and her boyfriend's penis get along just fine. Also, your repulsion to penises may be an example of internalized homophobia, as Chip suggested. Anyway, most straight guys actually love penises, preferably enormous ones. They are heavily searched for in porn. They might not want to touch them, but they are excited by looking at them, not repulsed.
You experience sounds very similar to my own. I used to be repulsed by images of penis and of two men having sex, and I've always been attracted to bigger guys. It wasn't until recently that I put two-and-two together and realized, of course I'm not going to be turned on by images of men I don't consider attractive getting it on! And when I let myself look at images of guys I did find attractive, penis slowly started to have more appeal to me. The lesson here is that being gay isn't defined by liking penis or liking any image of two men having sex. If you're attracted to men, no matter in what way you're attracted to them (whether you want to see a gratuitous penis shot or you want to reach out at touch a chubby man when you see him naked), you're probably gay. Even if you only like penis if it's on a certain kind of guy (like a chub) or if you would just rather fantasize about rubbing their belly, it's still involving a guy. You don't have to be attracted to all men or to all parts of a man to be gay; it manifests for all of us in different ways. Also, regarding fantasizing about females, it's definitely possible for a female to factor into a gay man's sexual fantasy; it doesn't necessarily mean he likes women. Think of all the straight guys who watch porn of a man and a woman having sex. Just because there's a man in the picture doesn't mean they're attracted to him as well. The question is whether she's vital to the fantasy: whether you are truly attracted to her, or whether she plays a part that could be just as easily filled with a guy. If you can only get off to the thought of being with a woman if you imagine yourself as one of those uber-masculine guys, you might not actually be attracted to the woman herself, but to that masculine mystique.
I'm a somewhat chubby guy (used to be thin) and into skinny to average sized guys. Unfortunately, guys with the same preferences as Owen and Scared are far and few in between. I doubt I'll ever run into someone like that. So my only option is to get on a diet again and run like a dog to lose my virginity, lol.
really i met a very attractive guy with a muscle bound body that said he likes to see fat rolls. there are more out there than you know.
Here's the thing about us fat admirers: the fat-shaming society we live in affects us just as it affects the guys we admire. Only whereas it makes guys like you feel unattractive, it makes guys like us feel unnatural for who we like, for not being attracted to "real" attractive people like bodybuilders and twinks. I myself wasn't fully "out" about my preference until last summer, when I posted a picture of myself in a shirt that says "I heard chubby bearded guys" on Facebook. For comparison, I've been out about being gay for way longer than that; hell, I've been fully out for longer than I've been on this website, and I joined in the summer of 2007! Point being, people who appreciate guys with "some meat on their bones" are more common than you think, but many of them don't make it obvious because they want to avoid being labeled as "weird". I can't give much advise on how to get them to come out of the woodwork, but they are definitely out there. I know at least three other people that I know for sure share my preference in guys, and a handful of other people who I suspect do. And it's not because I go out there and ask all my friends, "So, what kind of girl/guys do you like?" So to jsmurf, and anyone else on this site who thinks they have to be skinny to lose their virginity: if you want to lose weight for the sake of your health because you know your weight is the product of an unhealthy lifestyle, have at it. But if your size isn't an issue to you, there are plenty of people out there who won't think it's an issue either.
