Hello everyone, this is my first post here, and really the first time I've openly admitted that I am gay (or at least bisexual). I am a 25 year old male. I have been attracted to men since I was in 3rd grade (8 years old, I guess), maybe even before then, but that is the first time I know for a fact I had a crush on a boy. I quit using drugs and alcohol a little over a year ago, and it seems like my sobriety really opened the door for me as far as thinking about my sexuality. That said, I can definitely remember a few occasions when I had a bit too much to drink that I REALLY wanted to hook up with a guy. One occasion stands out in particular, when I went back to a friend of a friend's apartment, just me and him, and I was hoping he would make a move. It's weird, I haven't thought about that occasion in such a long time, I just remembered it tonight. That's not to say that I was only sexually attracted to men when I was drunk. It's just that when I drank, it was the only time I felt comfortable with homosexual thoughts. It was definitely the only time I felt comfortable thinking about having sexual contact with men. Long story short, I come from a very conservative, religious and homophobic family. I also have three brothers, all of whom I have instinctively tried very hard to be different from my whole life. My concern is that I think or want to be gay as a form of rebellion, or as a way to be "different". In college I drank a lot and used drugs, and in retrospect, it seems like that was sort of a "screw you" to my parents. Of course, it was also a means of dealing with anxiety, loneliness and god knows what else. Basically, I don't want to start considering myself gay when really I'm just saying I'm gay to be different. On the other hand, I know that I have been attracted to men my whole life. I think perhaps I've answered my own question (that I am at least bisexual). Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and see if anyone else can relate to my story. Thanks for listening, I needed to get that off of my chest!
Welcome to EC! Sometimes I too wonder if I am just wanting to bi, to be different. Truth is though that you can't fake how you feel inside, no matter how much you want it. Ask all of the gay folks out there who've tried to be straight in whatever tiny way they could. Doesn't work. Drinking is a choice (based on internal feelings I assume), sexuality isn't. It's just there. It sounds to me like you may have been drinking to cover up the fear of facing the reality that you aren't straight. That makes me think you aren't gay. Do you also feel sexual or romantic towards women? If so then you are probably bi. Sorry to hear your family isn't so accepting of diversity, mine's kind of like that too. Which is why I haven't told my parents yet. Just take as much time as you need, it's okay whatever answers you find. We're all here if you need us so ask as many questions as you like.
Thanks for your response! It's great to know that you understand where I am coming from. I do find women sexually attractive, though I am less and less attracted to women as time goes by (especially since I have gotten sober, interestingly). I still have a difficult time imagining myself in a sexual relationship with another man. I would really like to just have a great relationship with another man, but not be focused on sex hardly at all. When I was in college, all I cared about was having sex. These days (again, since getting sober), I couldn't care less about sex, and I feel like that limits my relationship potential, but whatever. Better to be single and content with not having sex than single and sex-starved. Anyway, I will for sure be reading a lot more on this forum in the days to come. I definitely have a lot to learn about myself!
The way I see it, it's generally best to live in the present, and that includes our sexuality. So whatever we might feel in the future, it's probably best to identify based on how we feel right now. Really that's all we can do. I definitely feel you on the limited "relationship potential" part, as I'm not particularly interested in sex either. Of course this is coming from a gray-asexual. I think it definitely sounds like bisexual fits you right now. If you prefer men, or just want to be in a relationship with one rather than a woman right now, that's fine. Perhaps you might even be more romantically attracted to the male side? Bisexual doesn't mean you have to have equal feelings for both sexes. I know for me personally in terms of attraction, I lean towards girls romantically and boys sexually. I still consider myself bi (gray-A). Hope that helps at all.
You definitely did answer your own question. Nobody really knows why people are 'gay' (scientifically speaking), whether it's a nature or nurture thing. But let me ask you this: really, what does it matter whether you're gay or not because you want to be different? Either way it means you like men. It's almost like saying people are straight because they want to be the same. If you ask a straight person that, they'd probably look at you funnily. People like who they like, because they just like who they like. Bottom line, that's all there is to it.
You are probably gay and that's not wrong just be who you are and be proud don't feel ashamed cause you were born that way and it was not not your fault and you can't change the way you are and you can't help it so embrace it and try to live according to your true feelings and desires
You claim to have an attraction to women, yet you haven't talked about them much in this thread, which sets off a red flag in my mind. Have you had crushes or relationships with them? In terms of physical beauty, do you consider them equally attractive as men or perhaps a bit more so? If yes, you're bi. You can have a stronger interest in one sex during a period of time, for emotional or personal reasons, but if you feel like you could have sex with either and enjoy it without feeling like you're settling, you're bisexual. It is important to look at your feelings for the opposite gender objectively. If society didn't nudge you towards women would you want to pursue them anyway? Same thing with men. If the gay community didn't pull you in their direction would you want to date men anyway?
Hello! Like you, I knew I was "different" from an early age, probably 7 or 8 years old. I didn't want to be rebellious as I had no issues with my family, religious or otherwise BUT I didn't have an easy time at school (bullied) and I desperately wanted to fit in so I went down the conventional route and got married to my best friend when she needed support with her family and life. We were married 11 years before she met someone else and left me. I was really upset because I had lost my best friend, not just my wife. I met another woman whose father was dying of cancer. He finally died on the 29th February, Leap Day, and in the evening she asked me to marry her. What could I say? I should have said no, but didn't. We were together for 7 years before I decided that I was unhappy and things were not likely to change so I left. We had no children and it was an amicable divorce (both actually). This was just before my 40th birthday and since then, I've been happy to be honest with everyone, including myself. I love women and have lots of female friends - I even had a Best Woman when I got married the second time - but I am sexually attracted to men and always have been, drunk or sober. I don't regret being married BUT I regret that I didn't make my decision ealier. In the 70s when I was becoming an adult, it just wasn't as easy as it is now. I know it's still not ideal, but people in general are a lot more accepting than they were. When I told my family, it was really easy - without my realizing it, they could tell that I was different from the very start and weren't at all shocked or surprised. Maybe I was just lucky BUT I don't think anyone should jeopardize their own chances of happiness in order to keep others happy. You are worth every moment of happiness you can get - don't waste your time doubting that fact.
Find someone to love, boy or girl, someone you are attracted to and let your heart lead the way. Don't second guess your feelings too much, just go with the flow. Just be happy!
Helllo. Well, you have the self-awareness to at east question it. More often the people who really do want ot be different will vehemently reject any questioning fro others and certainly not question themselves. That doesn't eliminate the possibility, though. But in your case l would think that if you just wanted to be different, being bi would be different enough for you and you wouldn't be all that concerned about your attraction to men. l really analyzed my motives too, in the end l figured out that l am actually less complicated and damaged than most people(l just spent entirely too many years overanalyzing and compilcating myself).
