Hi everyone, it's been awhile since I've posted on the forum. I'm fairly confident that I am in fact bisexual, as both women and men do turn me on. Yet, it feels really weird that I am in my twenties and haven't even been out on a real date! I suppose a hard thing for me is, deciding.. if I like guys or girls more. Most of the women I know, don't really seem very interesting at all. It's not that they're not attractive, but I'm not the type of guy to randomly start a conversation with a complete stranger. Also, when they do talk about something.. it can just seem superficial at times I guess. I feel like I live the life of a hermit, I don't do much.. unless I'm hanging out with my friends. Those friends are usually all male too, and they're all straight -- so maybe I just need to get out more, I'm not sure. I can relate to another guy though very easily. And if he's really cute I'll get sort of a bashful smile.. but I mean I can move past the bashfulness easily. With most women it just seems like there's no interest.. and I keep asking myself "Why?" Any suggestions, or comments? Also, I hope I asked all of this in the right place! :eek:
Hi, and welcome to the community! I think there are two separate things here, which may or may not be related. One is what sounds like some shyness in social settings. I'm exactly the same as you... it's very hard for me to strike up conversations with random strangers, even though when I do force myself, it is almost always a positive experience. But the bigger question isn't about how hard it is to meet people, or whether or not you date... it's who you *want* to date, and who you're attracted to. It sounds like it's easier for you to relate to guys, and you feel less connection or attraction to girls. So amplify that a bit as to where your attractions are. When you're on the street, in a shopping mall, at a concert or movie... where are your eyes wandering? Is it at guys or girls? When you're half glancing at a movie or something on TV, and there's a scene in a shower or on the beach or something with a half-naked guy, or a different scene with a half-naked girl, which one is the one where you stop what you're doing and look at the scene on TV? The guy or the girl? When you watch porn, is it gay or straight porn? If straight, are you watching the guy or the girl? And when you masturbate, are you fantasizing about being with guys or being with girls? All of those will give you a better picture of where your attractions lie. The rest of it (social shyness, etc.) could be a function of your unconscious trying to avoid acknowledging that you're gay... or it could be some genuine anxiety in social settings. If you can provide a bit more information, it will be easier to clarify.
I totally agree. I would say regardless of whether or not you are gay or bisexual (I have gone down this road a lot haha) I would say try to go for it. I'm a hermit in that kind of way too, and when I've forced myself sometimes I regret it later but I also am really happy that I took those steps. They're scary but I feel much more confident and more comfortable in those settings. Maybe you could try going to a gay bar...? If you bring a friend (maybe a straight friend/your best friend since there will be no pressure) you can sit around and meet people, and if you don't meet anyone you can just have a good time with your friend with no pressure, win win. Not everyone who goes is gay - some people actually are the straight buddy (I recently discovered this haha)! If you're concerned about coming out, you'll be in a setting where no one will care, and most likely you won't know anyone anyways. You can go in with no expectations also. Sometimes it's nice just to feel comfortable in an environment and then slowly move further, since you don't have to jump in bed with someone you're first go haha.
When I'm at a shopping mall, or at the movies, or even at a supermarket I've become so accustomed to looking at girls.. and I usually end up thinking "Yeah, she's pretty but it's whatever." But now when I look at a guy it's like "whoah!" but I usually don't want to admit it to myself. I also truly cannot understand why some guys get so excited over a woman in tight pants, lol. I could I guess when I was a teenager, but not anymore.. When I watch porn, it can be straight, gay, or lesbian porn. I don't tend to ignore either one, I just watch both. It has however been awhile since I masturbated without porn, so I can't answer your question about the fantasizing part.. When I do get a "crush" on a girl, it's never sexual. It usually has more to do with her smile, and if she can make me laugh. I also usually want to spend time with them in more than just a casual "friendship". But altogether it's usually about their personality, and how I feel around them. If I get a "crush" on a guy, it's just me thinking that he's incredibly "gorgeous". And wondering what it would be like if we spent time together, or kissed or anything like that lol. I used to have a close friend whom I spent a lot of time with, and I never really realized how I felt till he got a girlfriend. That's when I knew something was going on with me..
So based on what you've written above, I don't see much indication of bisexuality. From what you're said, it sounds like you pretty clearly lean towards guys when you're talking about *sexual* attraction, and you generally say that women are more people to be friends with (which is totally consistent with being gay... most gay guys have their BFF, or a bunch of BFFs.) There's often some resistance when somebody directly makes that statement... and it's natural to go "Yes but...." and then come up with a bunch of reasons why you've still got attraction to girls. And if that's what you find yourself doing when reading this, then the next thing is to ask yourself... in any of those situations, would you imagine yourself wanting to have sex with a girl, wanting to lie with a girl naked and cuddle and caress her... or would you rather do such things with a guy? So when you think about those things, how do you answer them? And how does that make you feel? Some of this stuff isn't the easiest to get instant clarity on, because for most of us, acknowledging being gay is a lot scarier than acknowledging being gay. And of course... only you know what's going on inside your head. So all I can do is conjecture, and try and interpret what you're saying. But I think if you look inside, you probably already knew the answer before you even started this thread. So the trick is to try and look inside and get an *honest* answer regardless of whether or not it's the answer you *want.*
