1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

could use some advice because i probably wont do it otherwise...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by stumble along, Mar 24, 2012.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. stumble along

    stumble along
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2011
    Messages:
    652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SR388
    Ok I know this going to be really cliche but, I have been interested in a guy for a while now. And he and I can be almost positive he is gay or bi or pan or whatever, he likes the male gender to some degree. Anyway, yes I like him, a lot, but thats not the point, i want to come out to him. Ive made a deal with myself that any new friends i make i have to come out to at some point if they arent the kind that will get all emotional about it or blab it out on accident to anyone else. We are planning to meet up, just the two of us, to do some club related stuff together, and I want to tell him.
    But I don't know where? I was planning on asking him to see the gingerbread games with me too ( or else I will never see it) so do I do it before or after the movie, when I'm at his house or my house, or on the road?

    And the second part is I want to tell him I like him, yeah I know...
    But with everyone I've ever liked I always feel like I'm lying to them, and I've only told one person ever and we are still really good friends so I just want to tell him and he can either say me too or not right now or just flat out no, hell he can even punch me I won't get mad or sad I just want to tell him.
    If it ruins the friendship we still have to be professional about the club so I guess ill just tell him that it would be the only time he will ever hear of it ever again and ill only talk about it if he specifically asks about it.
    So, when do I do that part^?

    I probably just won't do it I don't trust myself when it comes to him.
     
    #1 stumble along, Mar 24, 2012
  2. insidehappy

    insidehappy
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2012
    Messages:
    346
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Closetville, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    i suggest telling him you are into guys after the movie and before you leave. just tell him its something u want to say/tell him and tell him. then depending on how he repsonds, if he responds like 'ok that's cool no problem" then you can also tell him you like him. but you do dont want to hurt the friendshp so if he is not gay or if he doesnt like you that's fine. just had to get it off your chest.
     
    #2 insidehappy, Mar 25, 2012
  3. Ianthe

    Ianthe
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2011
    Messages:
    2,760
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Oregon
    I would definitely start by just coming out to him, as you've planned. If you weren't still keeping it from some people, I would say just to be really casual about it, and just work it into normal conversation, but since you don't want him to go telling people, you're going to have to be a little more formal about it. Just tell him that you think the two of you are getting to be friends, and you just want him to know this about you. Mention that only a few people know, so that he knows not to spread it around.

    Don't tell him that you like him immediately after coming out to him, unless he immediately comes out to you, too, and seems interested. Let him adjust to the idea that you are gay before jumping right into how you feel about him. Otherwise it might be really overwhelming, and seem to just come suddenly out of nowhere. Just give it a couple days. Also, gauge how he reacts to you being gay.

    When you do tell him about your feelings, don't make a huge deal out of it. The best thing at that point would be to just ask him out. If he says no, just say, "hey, no problem, I just thought I'd give it a shot." And let it go.
     
    #3 Ianthe, Mar 26, 2012
  4. stumble along

    stumble along
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2011
    Messages:
    652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SR388
    i like the part of telling him that i wont care if he says yes or no i just needed to do it.

    so wait, tell him i like him and ask him at the same time? and do i tell him im Bi (technically pan but its just too much explaining) or gay?
     
    #4 stumble along, Mar 26, 2012
  5. Cheese on toast

    Cheese on toast Guest

    Tell him you have a crush on him, see where it goes from there. If you don't care that much about what he says, just get it off your chest. And from the sounds of it, he probably likes you back
     
    #5 Cheese on toast, Mar 26, 2012
  6. TheAMan

    TheAMan
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2012
    Messages:
    477
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    VA
    I'd tell him when you're at your house because it's your comfort zone and you don't have to worry about anyone else being around. You can make all the preparations beforehand that you want to and everything. Now for telling him you like him, I think that depends on he he responds to you cming out to him. If it's totally cool with him then I'd go ahead. If he's accepting but not all that enthusiastic, I'd just stop while you're ahead and wait until another time.
     
    #6 TheAMan, Mar 26, 2012
  7. stumble along

    stumble along
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2011
    Messages:
    652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SR388

    thanks, but assumptions are something i dont particularly like to indulge in, i mean im pretty sure but i still call him straight.

    my parents are usually home all the time, if they arent i will though, my brother will usually leave me alone, and i leave him and his friends alone when they are over ( i havent had one over in 7 years)

    thats another thing, we both have some common interrests other than what we are meeting up for, but i have never hanged out with anyone or have had anyone over for a very long time so im not very sure how to diversify a conversation...problematic
     
    #7 stumble along, Mar 26, 2012
  8. stumble along

    stumble along
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2011
    Messages:
    652
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    SR388
    Anyone? We've agreed so far to hang out over break and being honest, I'm kind of freaking out.
     
    #8 stumble along, Mar 27, 2012
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)