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Confuzzled?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Cheese on toast, Mar 24, 2012.

  1. Hey, I'm a 16-year-old guy and I've been pretty confused over my sexuality lately. I suppose I've always kinda been attracted to girls and I've had a couple girlfriends, though nothing really ever became serious. My last relationship was about a year ago. I was definitely attracted to my former girlfriends, as in, I thought they were 'hot' or 'cute' or whatever. Over the last year or so I find myself consciously fantasizing about other guys, and upon reflection I guess I did it subconsciously too for as long as I remember. I watch both straight and gay male pornography (while I'm at home from school on the weekends) and I'm not particularly crazy over either of them but they both arouse me sexually. I also think about hot guys a lot when I masturbate (though I would say, probably a little less than half of the time. I think about girls a lot too.)

    Right now I attend an all-boys Catholic boarding school (we do have contact with girls at our sister school regularly, we have a single drama club), and I remember seeing my best guy friend from middle school a couple of months ago and thinking to myself "wow, he's really attractive" numerous times throughout the night.

    I'm also generally a really 'flamboyant' person, though a lot of that can probably be attributed to my severe ADHD. I sort of fit the stereotype for the artsy 'gay kid' too (you know, I love being in drama and a Capella clubs, most of my [platonic] friends are girls, I like to be a bit fashion-forward, I burst out randomly in song quite often, and I spend all of my spare time in the art room) and a lot of people have asked me if I am. I've always responded with "no", because it's much simpler and I would much rather not explain anything, especially at a Catholic school.

    My past girlfriends were almost put off or weirded out by, say, my bright pink phone case with butterflies on it, or my taste in music/my taste in hobbies, or my eagerness to belt out the awesomest Disney songs at the top of my lungs at any given opportunity. Just thought I'd include that :thumbsup:

    In terms of coming out or anything of that sort, I don't want to come out and then decide that I like women better or anything so I suppose it would be best that I just keep quiet for the next couple of years while I figure it out. Plus, it would seem kinda silly to do so at my school, not because they'd kick me out or anything, just because a lot of the kids there are reeeeaaaaalllyyy socially conservative and I'd probably be alienated just a bit more than I am now. My parents are Catholic - if you define the word incredibly loosely - and they've told me many times that they would be perfectly fine with and supportive of me being gay (I wonder if they're suspicious?)

    Any advice, experience or commentary anyone has to offer? It would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. The Escapist

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    Well first of all, I love you. A guy who's into girls with that kind of awesome personality? :eusa_droo

    Now that that's out of my system, I'd say you sound pretty bisexual to me. And being bi doesn't mean you have to like both sexes equally, you can lean one way or the other. It can even change day to day. It basically just means being sexually and romantically attracted to both men and women.
    I also fear that if I come out I'll end up not just being straight or something, but that is just so extremely unlikely/impossible. You can't change your sexuality no matter how badly you want to, so the fact that you've come this far in today's world probably points that you're not straight. Of course I'm not you, so I can't decide for you.
    Waiting a couple of years would sometimes be a reasonable thing to do, if you're in a hostile environment, so that's up to you when/if you come out. But once you know you aren't straight, it really sucks getting stuck in your closet. :confused:

    Good luck, we're all here for you when you need us. <3
     
  3. Christiaan

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    You must be really fun to be around. Awesome.

    Look, there are enough straight guys who are actually a little bit like that. Not many, but they are out there. Also, consider one crazy possibility: maybe you are bi.

    My boyfriend gets his dog's hair cut at this place that has a very gay stereotyped theme and is owned and run by a very stereotypically gay dude. He and his wife have had six kids. SIX. I have a fairly sensitive gaydar, and I know for a fact that he's born bisexual, straight by choice. I just smell it all over him.

    Anyway, the world is your oyster, dude, and it sounds like you are taking full advantage of it. Have fun. You are way too young to make long-term commitments right now, so the time to test all the waters is NOW.
     
  4. secretguyX

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    Hello, and welcome to EC! :smilewave

    So, it sounds like you're attracted to both guys and girls, which could mean you're bisexual, or at least bi-curious. It doesn't matter if you aren't crazy about either form of porn, some people are just not into it, that doesn't mean anything; personally I find it disgusting. Nothing's wrong with being "flamboyant", personally I love being around artsy guys. They're just stupid if they like you but judge you on a cell phone case and such. You don't have to come out, since you aren't certain. But it really does help to tell someone that you trust, a best friend or someone you're close too. Since your school is really conservative, and most of your friends are girls, it'd probably be best to tell one of them - and most girls want a guy to talk about guys with anyway. It's great that your parents wouldn't care. They may suspect, since you say you are "flamboyant", but they may just have been saying that so you know that they're always going to be there for you. If you aren't ready to tell anyone, don't yet, wait until it's more clear to you. But it's okay to come out as questioning, unsure, bi-curious, etc... But anyways, I hope I helped at least a bit. :thumbsup:
     
  5. yeayea

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    You're still pretty young so take some time and figure things out because your right- if you did come out and then decide weren't gay/bi, it might be a little weird.

    Glad that your parents are supportive- they probably suspect something from the sound of it.
     
  6. TheAMan

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    I understand that you're confused about your sexuality and you're not alone. We all start out that way. Now if you ask me, it definitely sounds like you're bisexual as you seem to have an attraction to both sexes. That's just my two cents but only you can know for sure.
     
  7. amwm2wm3

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    Like everyone else has said, I'd say you were bisexual. Of course only you're the only one who could say for certain, but that seems to be the most likely.
    Personally, I think you sound like an awesome kid. Anyone who likes Disney songs is good by me. :grin: And I know a lot of straight girls who would big that sort of thing in a boyfriend.