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Another one of those in-love-with-straight-friend posts.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Harlequin, Mar 24, 2012.

  1. Harlequin

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    It's quite simple. I am single. I am biologically female. I am pansexual. She is straight, (amazingly intelligent, charming, beautiful,) and has a new boyfriend that she's absolutely enamored with. They're both very intelligent and great for each other. But...there's me.

    She and I are very good friends. I'm out to her. The boyfriend lives a couple states away. I don't see her often, but each time I see her I fall for her all over again. I know I can't continue like this - she's straight and taken, after all, and not likely to change - but I'm not sure what to do. It would be awkward beyond belief if I confessed to her. Advice?
     
  2. greeneyes

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    Ahh! strugs! has happened to me. have no good advice sorry. for one of my good friends he knew it would ruin their friendship but had to do it or he was going to burst. for me i decided not too because my friendship is too important and time has healed a lot and i realized it was more of a fantasy than a reality.
     
  3. Jim1454

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    I don't think you should share this with her. Instead you should be trying to find yourself another love interest. (Although at 15 I'm not sure that's really necessary - but if you're head over heals for this person then you need to look for a distraction somewhere.)
     
  4. Tetraquark

    Tetraquark Guest

    I'm not sure whether it is best to tell her or not. On the one hand, if you saw her regularly, I'd say you should, if for no other reason than simply because she'd notice something was up sooner or later anyways. If she is a good friend, then she should understand, though if she requires more space for a little while you should respect that. On the other hand, if you can hide it reasonably well, then it would probably be best not to tell her.

    As for how to get over your crush, if that is what you decide you want to do, then you should try to find a distraction. I'm probably not the best source of advice for this, having never dated anyone before and having only dealt with one real crush (which I'm still trying to get rid of), but I would recommend against getting into a relationship with another person for the main purpose of redirecting your feelings for your friend. While it would help distract you, it has the potential to be very unhealthy for both you and for the person you date. Instead, focus on strengthening existing friendships (with people other than your crush, of course) or even trying to build new ones. Hobbies are good, too, both in and of themselves and for meeting new people.
     
  5. TheAMan

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    I think it's in your best interest if you don't say anything to her. She's straight and has a boyfriend and you stand a great chance of ruining your friendship with her.