College Roommate

I think you should come to your roommate or even see what he thinks of gay people than make a decision on if you can live with him or if he can live with you. If you ask that question he is probably gonna assume your gay anyway so I would just come out if your comfortable doing so. I had my share of homophobic roommates so I know how nervous it can be.

 

Yea I would do it before. I would start chatting back and forth anyway to figure out who this person is (and who's bringing the fringe and the futon, etc.), and then bring it up before you get there next year as well.

On this note, I would consider thinking about how you want to be out in college. This is a great time to be fully out as an entering college student. I would make a decision about that as well. You have a ton of time though since you don't start for months.

 

Maybe it's because I'm an introvert but I say why tell him at all? Why does he need to know? You don't go around telling everyone you meet that you're gay just to see if they feel uncomfortable about it...do you? If so then by all means tell him right off the bat. Granted you guys are gonna be spending much more time together than any other person, but if you find out that he really feels that strongly about it then I don't think many universities would have a problem with you requesting a different roommate after the semester has started. Besides even if he isn't homophobic he might take it as being a little too forward and a little off-putting.
My opinion, basically treat it like meeting someone new. Get to know him first and come out to him only when/if you feel comfortable.

 

A friend of mine, when he was in college, had a roommate who initially used the RA to introduce the topic. To my understanding, the roommate did this just in case my friend wasn't friendly about the subject, reassignments could be made. If you plan to be out on campus, you might consider this approach.

 

You need to bring it up in case it's a problem.

Just ask him 'Are you cool with gay people or do I need to get re-assigned?'

 

When I first joined EC, I asked a similar question (though I can't find my thread for whatever reason... <_<)

I, however, was 100% closeted and pretty much still unsure (or at least in some denial) about being gay. So, I was advised to not tell my roommate, because:

- It isn't really any of his business until I bring a guy home for the night
- I'm not even sure of what I am, so why complicate it for him
- I'm not even sure of what I am, so why add more stress on my place
- Odds are (being at uni, and in a theoretically accepting area) he'll be fine with it, especially if he seems chill anyway

I stand by the advice that I got before (and now understand better) and say you shouldn't tell him. If you really want, you can casually drop it in your e-mails or something, but I wouldn't make a point of stating it outright. Think of it this way: he's never met you yet, you're still very much on 'first impressions' territory. Tell him you're gay, and he'll have a bunch of preconceived notions about you when you move in together.

So, wait till you move in. Sexuality isn't a defining feature of us, so get to know each other first. Then, tell him casually whenever the topic arises. Post-secondary is usually the place where people start to be more 'out', so it might be time to start transitioning into more nonchalant coming-outs (of course, that's totally up to you and your comfort level). Realistically, if he is a total jerk and can't deal with living with you, then I'm sure your school/rez allows roommate reassignments, even mid-term, if there is a legitimate reason. If you're in an accepting area, I'm sure homophobia falls under that category.

 

I took no special approach to coming out to my roommate. My usual method of telling people (wow, I now have a method) is that I wait until we're pretty close and then come out to them. It lets them get to know you as a person, so once you drop being gay on them, it's no different than telling them you have an older sibling or where you're from. I waited about a semester to come out to my roommate and suitemates (We share a bathroom with one other room), after a couple months of badgering who I was pursuing. None of them cared at all, but I think it went over much easier since they already had a semester's worth of precedent to fall back on.

 

I'd wait until you get to know him before coming out. It really isn't any of his business, so you don't need to come out to him at all unless you'll be bringing a boyfriend back to the room.

Once you get to college, you should try to find out what your roommate thinks of LGBTQ people. If he is homophobic, you should be able to change rooms and get a different roommate.