Myself and my boyfriend got back together about 2 months ago, recently I was told by our local hobby shop owner that he got drunk and made out with another guy when he was on a night out (the guy telling me didn't realise we were back together). He claimed that multiple people who go to his shop saw the whole incident but only one was spreading it around. When I spoke to my boyfriend about it he didn't admit or deny to the rumour being true (I didn't believe it and told him that) and seemed more upset that people were talking about him and that it was additional stress on top of his impending redundancy. He didn't want to talk and didn't want me to speak to the guy spreading the rumour so I told him I was there for him if he needed me. I then grilled one of the other hobby shop guys to make sure I knew who was spreading the rumour, turned out that the whole thing was true and the other guys from the shop who had seen it came to me and told me exactly the same story. Needless to say I was pretty annoyed my BF hadn't told me when he had the opportunity. Fastforward a couple of days and i go to speak to my BF online who goes mad and starts accusing me of making things worse by talking to the hobby shop guy about "what happened", and that I should have left it. I explained I was just confirming the name of the guy spreading the rumour and hadn't told anyone about it and asked how I was making it worse when i didn't even believe it and hadnt spread anything around. He then says "i've had it with everyone, I've got more important things to worry about, to fuck with everyone" and logged off. What should I do here? Why am I being made to feel like the bad guy? Especially when he was the one that didn't come clean? I didn't even dig around like Scott Shelby demanding answers I just mentioned that I was confused as to how widespread the rumour was seeing as how it was just slander and a lie and suddenly i was inundated with witnessess telling me that no it was true... I just don't know...
OK, whether or not you did right by asking about the rumor isn't the major issue here. (You did the right thing.) The major issue is that you have a boyfriend you already broke up with, presumably for a good reason, who you got back together with, and after getting back with you he is seen publicly making out with someone else. Then, on top of that, when confronted with the evidence, your BF dodges the question of whether or not it is true, offers no apologies, and blames you for causing a ruckus. So why in the hell are you with this guy at all? I'm sorry but the single most important thing in a relationship is integrity. This guy clearly has none. And in addition to having no integrity for the monogamy of the relationship, he also has no personal integrity because he's not willing to own up to what he did, and is blaming you for it. I don't usually come on this strongly, but he deserves to be dumped. You deserve a boyfriend who respects and cares about you, who wouldn't do such a thing, and who takes responsibility for his mistakes. Even if he were to suddenly come clean and admit everything... he's pretty much shown that he has no integrity and can't be trusted. Seriously. You can do better.
Hi there! I would have the same question that Chip asked, for you: Seriously, your boyfriend doesn't deserve you. Your boyfriend would have probably never owned up to you it, if you would not have asked around and confronted him about it. As Chip said, his actions tell you that he has no integrity and is someone whom you probably shouldn't be trusting all that much. If he would have taken responsibility for his actions up front, and would have admitted that what he did was wrong, the situation would change somewhat. Then you have something to talk about and work with. That said, you need to ask yourself: 'do I really want to be with someone, who can't be trusted, and does not take responsibility for his actions?'
I'm going to have to agree with these gentlemen here. He's obviously recognized that he's fucked up in a way, and he is trying to push it away in hopes that it will go away. If you're gonna stay with this guy, which you really shouldn't based on the fact that you've already broken up with him and his behavior seems to be pretty promiscuous, do not forget about this and do not just let him shove it under the carpet. You are not wrong, he's trying to make everyone else the bad guy cause he fucked up. Honestly, why are you with this dude??? There are waaaaaaay better people out there for you!
Thanks all, pretty much everyone I ask has the same opinion...I guess I was just worried that with his current job being pretty uncertain at the moment (works for Game who are likely closing down) that this was responsible for his erratic behaviour as I couldn't see how I'd made things worse or done anything wrong. I haven't seen him about, tried texting him telling him I couldn't understand how he thought I'd made things worse and if he thought so little of me I would just go. No reply so I've no idea what to think. I don't want to add any more stress to his current situation I guess...but maybe he doesn't deserve my symapthy.
Definitely not, as his boyfriend he is supposed to come to you in times like this so you can confort him and help him, he is in no way supposed to start making out with guys while in a monogamous relationship then start hating on you. If he doesn't even respect you enough to have the decency to at least talk to you he is not worth your time.
this sounds like drama to me. basically he messed around, the town is talking about it and the hobby shop dude is a busybody. stay with the guy if you want to or just drop him. its really one of those two choices.
I don't think you are adding more stress to his current situation. I think it is the other way around. He is causing you stress and worries. Delete the maybe in "maybe he doesn't deserve my sympathy." As hard as it might be, but he does not deserve your sympathy. If I were you, I would start moving on, and turning the page and shelve it as an experience to learn from. (*hug*)
Well I told him yesterday that i was ready to talk things over and if he didnt contact me i'd assume he was blaming me somehow and we'd just end things there and then if that was the case, he replied telling me that he wasn't dealing with this now as he had just lost his job that morning. I want to give him the chance to at least explain himself...but that means prolonging things another few days at least...
this dude is really a butthole. do u see how he talks to you..."look im not dealing with this now". my feeling is that when or if he is ready to "deal with this" maybe you are not goign to be ready to deal with it now at that time. you need to just cut your losses on this jerk.
Why, oh why, are you giving him any leeway at all? You've already called him on it and he dodged. You called him on it again, and he dodged again. Clearly, the guy is a piece of shit, won't own any of the heartache he's caused you, and if you stay with him, I can assure you, he'll keep doing the same thing. YOU need to worry about YOU. Not about him, not about any "stress" you might create for him. WHAT ABOUT YOU?? He clearly doesn't give a rat's ass about you. I feel like you must have a pretty low opinion of yourself, otherwise you'd clearly be able to see how badly you're being treated. And I don't mean that as a dig, just something you might want to look into... because you clearly deserve better.
Starting to think that, yeah. He hasnt responded to any texts, doesnt log onto anything for me to talk (last ditch attempt i sent him a mail on PSN asking if he was ok and he didn't reply and just logged from it too). He's gone completely dark, I've lost weight and sleep from worrying and for what?
Well sent him a message telling him that he knew how i felt about him that i was sorry he'd lost his job and sorry he was feeling low but that was no excuse to blank me, that if he didnt want to talk and sort things then we might as well just call it quits" his response was Then best forget me about me then, at this point i dont care. The words heartless twat spring to mind
Hi there! There are times when you have to put yourself first, and ask yourself, "What is best for me?" This is one of these times. As Chip said, the guy does not care about what happens to you. So, why are you giving him chances? Now that you have his answer, forget about him. Don't respond or text him anymore. Make a clean break, and start moving on. ---------- Post added 28th Mar 2012 at 06:58 PM ---------- Hi there! There are times when you have to put yourself first, and ask yourself, "What is best for me?" This is one of these times. As Chip said, the guy does not care about what happens to you. So, why are you giving him chances? Now that you have his answer, forget about him. Don't respond or text him anymore. Make a clean break, and start moving on.
Yeah, thanks for the advice. We spoke recently to try and tie up a few loose ends and he said that things were said that couldn't be sorted instantly (despite us not talking about what happened) and when I asked him what I'd done wrong (3 times) he evaded the questions and refused to answer (I dont think i've done anything wrong personally). He insisted on being just friends so I agreed, then I asked him how he knew a guy I'd seen on his msn contacts list (was the guy he'd made out with when drunk who is one of my friends on facebook, but he didn't know that I knew about him), got no reply to that and when i checked he'd removed me so I couldnt see his contacts despite it having been pen for me to view for a week beforehand, he even accidentally dropped me into a chat with the guy on the night he's added him and my bf and I were talking about the rumour. Makes me feel like a total fool and really stupid and paranoid thinking that he planned it so he could ditch me for a younger guy or was still trying to pretend he'd done nothing wrong. I dunno anymore...can't quite believe someone scould be so callous and stupid at the same time.
