I know im gay. I enjoy gay porn, im attracted to men and feel nothing towards women. Basically, when i watch gay porn i find it really hot, and I start to fantasise about doing everything. I consider myself a bottom. When i think about it, i imagine gay sex feeling amazing. The idea of having a penis in my mouth or ass turns me on so much. I've had sex 3 times now (with the same guy, who is really attractive) and it felt completely different to what i imagine. I almost felt numb the whole time and when we have anal it just feels soo uncomfortable. Its not painful, there is a bit of pleasure, but its soooo overweighed by the discomfort. And i lost my boner, i just go semi hard. im really confused, i don't know what I like any more. And im kind of pissed off bcz im just starting to accept that i am gay and now this happened. I reaally want to enjoy it like i do in my head. Does anyone know how i can make it feel better or give any advice? sorry that this is so long
What is your relationship like with the guy? How well do you know him? These kinds of things can make a big difference. Or, you might just be really nervous. The most important thing is probably to relax and take the pressure off. The more tense and nervous you are, the worse it's going to be. Maybe it'll help if you back off from anal and do other stuff for a little while, until you are more comfortable.
Bottoming often takes a while to get comfortable with. You have to practice learning to really relax, which isn't exactly easy the first few times you do it because you've got some huge cylindrical object pounding in and out of the area you're trying to relax And, as Ianthe said, there's a lot going on in the unconscious that plays into it... the better you know the person, the more comfortable and safe you feel... the easier it is to relax. Don't worry, just because you're having a little technical difficulty with mastering sex doesn't mean you're a closet straight guy... I know an awful lot of people who took some time to get used to bottoming (or, for that matter, any type of gay sex.)
Yea i reckon your both right. To be honest I don't really know the guy. The longest i spoke to him was roughly an hour, and that was right before the first time we hooked up. I didn't really consciously feel uncomfortable until the anal bit (and your right, i wasnt relaxed).. but i didnt enjoy any of the other bits as much as i thought i would, and i hope that may be because i dont really know him, like u both said. I guess il just take Ianthe's advice and back off from the anal.. because im not out so i cant exactly hook up with anyone i know and feel comfortable with. Thanks a lot guys. This is really reassuring
Is it possible that you're homoromantic and not homosexual? Something to think about. Doesn't mean you can't enjoy sex with the right person, though. Emotion can be a powerful thing.
Well, you don't have to have sex with this guy. And from what I've heard, sex takes a while to get used to the first few times, you're supposed to relax. If you find out that you can't get used to it, do other things with the guy, you may find a more fun way to spend your time together
It sounds a bit to me as if you may have built the act of sexual intercourse up in your mind a bit. I enjoy porn too, but sex IRL & sex in porn are quite often different. Try watching a bit less for a while and seeing if the ideal of what you have built up from watching porn can seperate itself from your own expectations...
Yea. In both gay and straight porn there's that tendency to move right into "Do not try anything you're about to see at home. We're what they call 'experts', and do a lot of behind the scenes prep you're not seeing to pull it off." territory. And no, you don't actually need to do these things to enjoy sex, in fact some of the porn techniques feel WORSE than a "normal" way of doing it. Pornstars are doing these stunts basically because they're looking better on film than what typically happens.
Appreciate the advice guys. I'll try again when im feeling a bit more comfortable and with someone else.
A couple thoughts: Bottoming isn't a natural act for most guys. It's something you work up to. You'll want to be comfortable putting things in yourself before you let someone else do it. So buy a thin dildo (pro tip: don't choose one with fake veins) and a lot of lubricant and have some fun. Vibration helps. Heat helps. Turn the thermostat up. All of this will relax you. The guy matters a lot. You need to be able to trust him. If you can't, find another guy. If he's inexperienced, he'll probably rush right in. He needs to warm you up with fingers first. If he doesn't know that, you need to teach him. When he moves on to his dick, entering you that first time may take a full minute or more. And that's fine, and you can kick him out again and start over if you want. Make sure he doesn't come out of you too quickly. Dick size matters, at least initially. If your guy has abnormally large girth, expect to devote a proportionally larger amount of time getting used to it. Lube matters. Buy water-based and use a lot. Your butt absorbs it. IME, the cheap Wal-Mart jelly (the lube, not the sandwich ingredient) works just as well as the expensive lubes. Astroglide isn't bad either. Desensitizing gel can help, though I wouldn't rely on it. Not every position is equally comfortable for everyone. Experiment. Maybe you should be on top, or bent over, or on your stomach. Won't know until you try. Fortunately, this is all fun.
Sex is really awkward the first few times, especially with someone you don't really know. Nothing to worry about
Thanks Alex25. I'll take ur adivce. He was pretty experienced. I mean he did all the fingering, but i think he "went in and out" too quick straight away. And your right, some positions were much better than others. Anyway thanks again.
Honestly, the stereotypical anal sex thing is so stupid. If you don't like it don't do it. Mutual masturbation, BJ, whatever. You can have sex that doesn't involve anal.
