I've only really recently been able to admit to myself that im gay (makes me feel brand new to say it) but so far I'm still uncomfortable even typing it. The thing is, I've noticed I still force myself to look at woman and ignore men altogether in public, not that I've ever been one to actually check anyone out, but the fact that I'm forcing myself to do something just for appearances bothers me. Lately I've been hanging out with a friend whose been openly gay since middle school, he's an alright guy and whenever we hang out, even with other friends, he follows mr everywhere I go, even through my house. He's pretty cool to talk to but thinks I'm straight, and even though he's always around I find myself subconsciously forcing myself to pretend he isn't around and paying to random girls that I could care less about. I'm definitely not ready to admit anything to anyone in person, but I'd at least like to be more relaxed about it. (And on an unrelated note, why is it whenever I hang out with him in public I feel like people are giving us dirty looks?)
Why not just come out to this particular individual in private? If you explain to him you want to come out but are not ready to tell straight people yet I'm sure he will understand, I very highly doubt a gay guy would out another gay guy to others, so I'm sure he would just confort you and help you come out and accept yourself further. I know it's difficult but it has to happen at some point in your life right? Why not do it now during your good years? Anyone who isn't accepting isn't worthy of your time anyway. As for the last bit I'm guessing that either the people giving dirty looks know he is gay or maybe he "looks" gay? If these people are really giving you dirty looks then maybe they assume you two are together, but they are just close minded bigoted imbeciles, so ignore them.
I think that is really good advice,if you came out to your friend you could be much more relaxed together,you would be surport for one another.I worked with a gay guy before i was out to anyone we became good friends he was very camp i dont like this word much but it sums him up,when we were in pubs or anywhere really other people did stare or make nasty comments,this does happen and its not nice but they are the minority now and you should try to ignore them.As for looking at boys and girls nothing wrong with that i like to look at people all the time cos i love human beings .When i came out to my friend it was great to just be able to talk and act together in what was for us a completly natural way.I find it quite hard to get things across on computors im not very computor savvy like you youngsters,i prefer face to face but i hope this may help.:smilewave
This past year I've noticed myself checking out more guys... I'm extremely discreet, but I do still force myself to check out girls. I guess it's something that will happen until we are fully out.
I appreciate all the great advice guys The thing is I don't want him, or anyone really to know yet. I just want to be able to relax and not force myself to do things I don't mean to, or feel paranoid about how people are looking at me
Well in the end it's up to you but I feel you won't break this habbit till you feel you don't have to act straight, so I would just come out to your gay friend, but it's about whether or not you have the courage to do so, it has to happen eventually, why not now while you're still young?
you are looking at girls becuase you are tyring to let teh world knwo you are straight. i see guys do this at straight clubs. a girl will walk past and they will look at her behind. this sends the message (i am straight). sure the large majority of these guys are straight but there are people like you that do it so they can fit in and feel included and also not signal to potential gay people that they may be gay. its somewhat effective at warding off gay men. you feel like people are looking at you because you are insecure with your sexulaity and hoping noone finds out about you.
Build a peer group of gay friends. They'll help reprogram you through exposure. You might also try reading first-person accounts of gay relationships. I found this helpful: Justin's Life... It's a very intimate view of someone's life from a time when it was far less acceptable to be out. I think you'll find parallels with your own emotions.
