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Families are way to confusing

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Pilgrim is hot, Mar 27, 2012.

  1. Pilgrim is hot

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    Hey Guys

    So I'm only out to my sister at the moment, since I told her we haven't talked about me being gay at all except for when I talk about dates I've gone on and even then she doesn't really seem like she wants to talk about it, this is fine though as the main thing is she doesn't treat me any differently to before I came out.

    So anyway I'm trying to muster up the courage to come out to the rest of my family and I started talking about my plans to come out to my dad to which she said "does he really need to know" and "just don't tell him" I just shrugged those comments off and said I'm hoping to be brave enough to tell dad.

    Now I don't know if I'm being paranoid here but I don't know why she doesn't want me to tell him, as far as I know he's not homophobic, I mean he may be a bit of a "mans man" but me and him have always been really close and surprisingly open emotionally with each other, I mean I think he's a lot more open with me than with almost anybody else.

    My sister didn't say he would be opposed to it, so all these things combined have just got me really confused as to if she is having any problems with this, if shes keeping stuff pent up internally, if she is worried about dads reaction or what the hells going on :eusa_doh:
     
  2. MeAndAyla

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    I recently came out to my parents and my dad hasn't really said anything much. However, my brother is bi and he refuses to tell my parents because of some things my dad has said to him about not liking gay people. I think a lot of it has to do with how they were raised and the times they were raised in. I don't think my dad has a huge problem with it, he just said what he did becuase that is how he learned. However, he has never said anything like that to me. So, I guess what I am saying is, maybe he said something to your sister one time about not liking gay people and she doesn't want you to get hurt? You could just ask her why she doesn't think it is a good idea? Or just be brave and tell your dad. That's the only way you'll know how he will react.
     
  3. b0i70y

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    If your relationship with your father is that strong, then you should be alright telling him. Your sister might be worried for no reason. Plus, you're twenty four. If you're at that point in your life and you know for sure you're gay, you owe it to your family to come out. It's an important part of your life, and they need to be aware of it.

    Just sayin'. :slight_smile: Good luck!

    EDIT: You also owe it to yourself.
     
    #3 b0i70y, Mar 27, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2012
  4. Pilgrim is hot

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    thing is I asked her why when she made those suggestions and she didn't respond back at all, I talk to her over the phone as she is like 200 miles away

    EDIT: yeah b0i70y your right, this just freaks me out a little, I don't understand why she would say it.
     
    #4 Pilgrim is hot, Mar 27, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2012
  5. greeneyes

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    i think it depends on everyone's personal situation. it's hard to read why your sister would say that, and there may be a lot of reasons.

    just so you know, here's one positive reason - my brother knows but he feels completely awkward talking about dates, etc. that either one of us has done. he doesn't want to know just because he feels like it crosses the sibling line. i don't really care, but that's how he feels.

    it might be her reading on your dad, but it also might be about her here. she might not be ready to accept it as something that's real, permanent, and a family matter to be discussed.
     
  6. GayJay

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    Maybe your dad already knew/strongly suspected your gay if you have a close relationship with him. This could be why he doesn't act homophobic around you.
    I don't know any of that's true, but that's how it was with my family. They always made gay jokes, until i came out to my mum, they no longer do it in front of me as they don't want to hurt my feelings. But they still do it when i'm not there, which annoys me.
    They pretend to be accepting of it, hoping it's just a phase(and it isnt!) when really their not.
     
  7. TheAMan

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    I think she's just worried about your dad's reaction and whether he will accept you or not. It sounds like you have a great dad, but that still doesn't stop people from being scared. I think your sister will go along with whatever you are comfortable with.
     
  8. Cloudbreaker

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    I came out to one of my sisters a little over a week ago, and she was fine with it. However, when I asked her how she thought the rest of the family would take the news, she seemed a lot more worried about their reactions than I was. It kind of surprised me. Why would she be more worried than the person who had to go through it?

    Then I realized it was probably mostly due to the fact that she hadn't spent nearly as much time as I had thinking about it. I had spent months worrying, planning, analyzing, and figuring out what sorts of reactions people would have. She didn't, and had no reason to. So I think she was just catching a small glimpse of the paralyzing dread I had to go through when I first started contemplating the coming out of the closet process. She is still at the beginning, looking in from the outside, while I am much further down the road and in the driver's seat.

    If I was in her position, I would probably be more worried about my parents' reactions too. But that doesn't mean there is actually more to be worrying about.
     
  9. Pilgrim is hot

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    had a chat with my sis today and we really went into what she meant, firstly I think she is okay about it as we talked about my current relationship and she didn't seem phased so that felt good.

    Then I moved onto the dad topic and not quite as good, she said she made those comments because dad has made anti gay jokes to her in the past and he can be very traditional, she thinks he will accept me but really not understand it at all. This scares me as I really don't want anything to change between us as we are really close, I told her I was thinking about telling him on Easter Friday and now she told him I want to talk to him about something. I am starting to freak out a bit now as I really don't want things to be weird between us, Friday seems really close now and I do want to tell him but everytime I think about it I feel really sick. :icon_sad:
     
  10. BajanBoy13

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    What I do to relax I just to put on some headphones and listen to music...it just mellows me out lol. I find if I just think through it it goes away.