I'm on my phone so ignore any crazy words. I have a friend who is only friends with my other friends and myself, but I really dislike her. For a nineteen year old, she acts much younger. She's immature, irrational, clingy, and not very smart. She doesn't even go to classes but her mother pays the bills for her college education (from what I understand, there isn't much money to begin with) and she is always touching me. She physically clings to me. She leans on my, hugs me too much, wraps her arms around me, etc. I'm an extreme introvert. I have six friends right now but having that many is difficult for me. So all this... touching is uncomfortable for me. She's also unable to take a hint. For instance, we'll be in the elevator on our way to our dorm rooms (we being me, T, A, and D (A's boyfriend)) and I'll say: I've got to do homework now you guys! And she follows me into my room. She'll stay there for hours even if I don't acknowledge her presence. But it's hard for me to tell her to go away (as part of my anxiety problems) and I'm worried she'll get upset. I'm really worried about her. I sense something is deeply wrong, but I can't stand to be around her. She's super moody too. Today, for no reason at all, while we were eating dinner she stormed away and wouldn't say a word to us about why she was upset. Anyway, basically: how do I gently break up with this friend without having to really see her a lot since we live in the same building and share the same friends?
With how you described her, their isn't a gental way to take care of her. Be brutally honest. When she touches you, pry her hands off of you and tell her to stop. She seems hard headed, and sometimes you just have to be harsh to people like that. Though she may also be like that because she trusts you, and wants your help. And maybe she stays in your room with you several hours even without your achknowledgement because she wants you to bring up the subject as to whats been bugging her. Either way, Your either going to get closer to her if you help, or further from her if your harsh. I don't see much of a middleman between this.
It's frustrating though because Monday she was fine and still stayed in my room forever. Then today she was obviously not happy and didn't bother me at all. When I say that I think something is wrong, I don't think it's like she's having a bad day. I think it's something much deeper than that. She's alluded to her birth mother (who is dead. She was adopted. I think. I don't pry too much. Or at all.) so I really think it has a lot to do with that. I dunno. I just don't want her to be around me. She makes me feel claustrophobic.
Like I said, if you don't want her around you, and don't care to help (Nothing wrong with that lol), then be harsh. Its your dorm room, demand her out. Its your body, demand her off of it.
Seems the only way to shake her is to be brutally honest with her. It's never easy but at times its the only way to get your point out there. I had someone like that, someone who just couldn't take the hint so I was honest with her, nice but honest enough so that she got the point.
I'm with these guys you should probably be as brutally honest with her as possible. I know people very similar to this who have tried to do things that I would never let anyone do to me before (like running their hands through my hair >.<) and the only way I can get their hands away from me is to snap at them and be harsh. I hate it. it honestly reminds me of how I was in high school and I don't want to be that person anymore, but I cant stand these girls either and they don't take the hint even if I'm super blunt with them.
I have a friend exactly the same way. I usually just ignore her but sometimes I just tell her to stop touching me, that usually does it.
i know exactly what you mean these people are extreamly socialy dependante the way i did it was make her hate me it was brilliant and is still in effect to this day apart from the awkward looks and hellos theres nothing holding us its great!
yea, being honest is best. you have to take care of yourself, even if you sympathize with what she's going through. you have to tell her you're really uncomfortable when she touches you and if she does it again you can't hang out with her. with the mood stuff I suggest just avoiding her more often. also have you talked with one of your (and her) other friends about this? maybe they feel the same way?
