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Moving

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by nintenfreak92, Mar 28, 2012.

  1. Okay, so I need some serious advice because I don't really know what I'm doing except stressing myself out :frowning2: so I am planning to move in the next two months, once this semester of school is finished. I currently live in Michigan but am looking to move to San Antonio, TX. My boyfriend was recently stationed there for the army and we have been planning the move since he left for basic training three months ago. Now, I will admit that a large part of me wanting to move is that I want to be closer to him. He is going to be there for who knows how long and this distance is pretty much terrible. But I also have my personal reason's to move, I am almost 20 and have never lived anywhere except from middle of no where Michigan. And it's depressing, I want to see other parts of at least the country, and if it get to experience it with him, even better. Now between my savings and his current pay we are going to split the cost of a 1 br apartment (sadly he has to live on base, damn America -_-) but he will get passes and I will be able to see him a lot. I also intend to look f or a job as soon as I get there, and truly there isn't a job I won't do which I think will do me good. I seem to have run into a sort of roadblock though and it has pretty much stressed me out to the point of tears and now I can't even bring myself to try and look for Places without crying... Every single apartment I have called, emailed or contacted said that basically my application will be denied if I do not have a current job in San Antonio. And I explain the situation and tell them that my bf who gets active duty pay will be living there as well (small lie I know, but I can only imagine it will make things worse if I said he wasn't going to be there all of the time) and every place has said that it still doesn't matter, he would need to make about $500 more a month for us to qualify and it just gets unbelievably stressful and idk what else to do. I know that I can't stay in Michigan any more, my bf's mom (who I am currently livig with) is leaving for Florida in July, because she is in the army too and is getting stationed there. So I just feel like I am running out of time and am not going to be able to move down there. Oh and I also discovered yesterday that I am getting laid off at my current job for the summer so that just adds another thing that is going to make things worse :\ idk what to do and just need help! :tears: :tears: :tears:
     
  2. fatalmoon91

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    San Antonio is a fairly big city and should have plenty of places to work...I know this may not be much but maybe you could try applying for work in San Antonio online or over the phone. Lots of places nowadays accept online applications and I know some where i live that require them.
     
  3. Cascade

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    Have you tried applying for any jobs in San Antonio? You may be able to find something by the time you are able to move there. I'm not sure how bad the job situation is where you are but if you can maybe you could try getting a job at a franchise in your current area then getting a transfer to San Antonio.
     
  4. TroubledRyan

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    Like fatalmoon said, it is a big place. I'm not completly sure what palces your looking at, or how much they cost, but maybe you can lower your standards until you get their and find a job. As they also said, you can get a job interveiw lined up before you even move. Maybe your bf can recomend you to some palces, since he is in the military.
     
  5. olides84

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    Can I ask why you think you need to have your own apartment? Even if you had a sufficient job lined up to qualify, it seems like a pretty expensive proposition to live alone in a big city like that.

    What about sharing a house with other students, whether or not you will be going to school down there. When I wasn't in dorms, I lived in big apartments with 2 or 3 others when I was at university, and even though it was close to campus we weren't all students.

    But beyond this, it sounds like this change will be very good for you. You're a smart guy--you'll work it out...just look at some different options. Congrats on making this move :slight_smile:
     
  6. Chip

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    I was going to say exactly what Oldies84 said. Lots of people, when they are first living on their own, get a room in a shared house. And in this economy, there are a lot of people in their 30s, 40s, 50s living in shared houses as well. It can actually be a really good thing to do when moving to a new city, because -- assuming you find a group house with housemates you like and have things in common with -- you automatically come in contact with their friends and make connections, and that, in turn, can also help you with leads for getting a job.

    Finally, it is often much easier to get a room in a group house because the credit/employment requirements are often less stringent.

    CHeck out the "rooms to share" section of Craigslist for San Antonio and you can get an idea of what's available and the price range. You can also post on "housing wanted" and just see what sort of responses you get.

    Now... there are a couple of other things I'll bring up: How is this going to affect your schooling? Particularly in this economy, it's pretty important to finish school, so if you'd just be dropping out and working... that might not be the wisest choice. If you're planning to transfer, I'd try and work those details out before you move. If you're not planning to re-enroll somewhere else, I'd think pretty carefully about that.

    Finally (as much of a Debbie Downer as I'm being), you need to consider what will happen if the relationship ends. I know that's something nobody wants to think about, but if you're talking about moving across the country, almost solely for a guy... you have to consider what it will mean if you're no longer in that relationship. Will/could you be happy in San Antonio if you're single? Do you have other friends there besides your BF? If not, you should at least consider what will happen if the relationship doesn't work out.

    If you're in school full time, then it would be fine because you'll have built-in friendships and such through that. But otherwise, it can take some time to build up new friendships in a new place, and you need to be comfortable with the idea of it taking time if something happens in your relationship.

    Which brings me to the last point: How long were you in a relationship before he moved to San Antonio. If it was 6 months or longer before the move, then you've had some time to really get to know each other. If it was less, even though you've been in communication since he moved, it's more of a risky proposition.

    Again, I don't mean to rain on your parade, those are just factors that anyone should consider before making a major move like that.
     
  7. So first, I am going to try to apply to places online down there, one of the big issues is that I am not exactly sure when I am going to move, I am planning for early May but in the long run it is all dependent on when I can get a place to live. Also about the living by myself thing, this isn't my first time on my own, last year I had a roommate in the dorms and since then I have lived at a couple different apartments with other roommates over the course of that next year. And in general, I would just like to live on my own, my bf and I are considering once he finishes the EMT portion of his training down there of seeing if he can get off base housing and then moving in with me. The biggest thing is just I am not entirely looking to live with roommates again. And to clear some things up, I have only been living with his mother to help her with her youngest son around the house. Her fiance was stationed in Florida, and because of that my bf was here to help with the lil bro, but once he had to leave for basic training, then I moved in to help out. It was kind of a win-win for us because I am living rent-free so I am able to save quite a bit of cash and be closer to his family who I absolutely love.

    Now onto Chip,
    I don't mean for this to sound rude, but I am used to the "Debbie-downer" stuff. But its also realistic thinking that I have all considered and thought about. So, tbh I haven't quite decided what I want to do about school, I kind of want to just take the year off. And I know, "DON'T DO THAT." No one returns to school after the "year off". But after the bf is finished with his training he is going to school back here at MSU where I went. And I understand that I may have a hard time getting back in and everything else, but honestly, This last year has been so stressful that I want more than anything to take a break for at least a semester. My parents are going through an unbelievably messy divorce with both sides at war with the other. My mother tried to kill herself by driving her car into a tree around Christmas. And I discovered a pregnancy test in my 17 year old sister's bathroom. And any time these family problems or anything happen, everyone requires me to rush home and fix everything and I have, and I really just need some sort of break from all of this, and a year to just go out and experience the world a little on my own and I may not get this chance again. Now the final thing, before my bf left for Texas we had been dating for 7 months, he actually left on our 7 month anniversary. I had known him for 2 months prior to that, and I can honestly say that if we were to break up, things wouldn't necessarily be messy, neither of us are people like that. Also, with him helping pay for the apartment, he is also not the kind of person to just leave me high and dry with no help. I know that people can act differently, but in the 9 months I have known him, I can honestly say he wouldn't do that to anyone, let alone me.
     
  8. BudderMC

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    It's not a case of he's likely to or not likely to turn on you like that. The bottom line is, you can't control his actions, and if anything happens in the future, being reliant on him (both emotionally and financially) puts you in a really potentially sticky place. Living in a new city with no degree, no money, no family, possibly no house, and possibly no boyfriend is not at all something I think anyone here would advise you to do. It quite possibly won't happen, but are you willing to take that risk for a boy you've known 9 months?

    As for your own well being and wanting to travel and all the other reasons you wanted to move to San Antonio, they are not dependent on moving specifically there. Those can be accomplished in other places, in other ways. So ultimately, the main motivator here (that you are risking a lot of your life on) is a guy you've known for 9 months. I know love is a powerful thing, but if I were in your shoes, every rational part of my brain would be telling me it might not be the best idea.

    At the very least, find yourself a job, or housing, or both before you move down. Don't do anything hasty; it's not like he's going anywhere.
     
  9. Chip

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    As far as your family calling on you to come home and fix things... that's a boundary issue that doesn't require you to move 2000 miles away. You can simply say no, or avoid their calls if necessary.

    For the most part, I agree with what BudderMC said. There are lots of reasons to try going to live somewhere else, but moving to a city with no job, and no one you know except a BF that can't live with you and is married to the armed forces... isn't exactly a recipe for success. Most people, when they make a cross-country move, do so with at the very least a good job (not 20 hours at Starbucks or something) lined up. And unless I miss my guess, I'm thinking the sorts of jobs you're going to be qualified for are retail/starbucks/etc sorts of jobs, which are neither terribly stable or reliable, nor bring in very much money.

    Living on your own while going to school is *very* different than living on your own, supporting yourself, and having no network of people/college support networks/etc to rely on. I mean, it sounds like you're pretty set on this and of course it's your decision... but it might be wise to take some time and think about the comments you're getting a little more carefully before jumping into this. If you decide in 2 or 3 or 6 months that it isn't working... it won't be so easy to simply undo and go back to school, so you want to think carefully.