So I guess I'm mainly writing this post just to talk to somebody about it. I live with my mom in a different house then my dad (but we live in the same city). I've been having dinner with my dad usually once a week at his place. Every now and then (not really often but enough times) he'd cancel dinner since he was out of town for work. That's normal, as he's always gone out of town for work, even when I was younger. So I came out to him, and since then we haven't had dinner, as he's "out of town" every week, all week apparently. I've run into him a few times at his house (once in the morning before he went to work, which he promptly left for, and another time when I didn't have class so I walked to his house and he was there). I've only seem him on his behalf twice, both times he came into my work to tell me he couldn't have dinner that week because he was out of town. But, for somebody who's out of town all week, it's impressive how he can go shopping, bring in his mail, and clean up his house while he's out of town. I've seen him out and about, and I know it's nobody but him bringing in his mail and cleaning his house. I guess I'm just wondering if maybe he is avoiding me. He hasn't gone out of town this much before, and it's weird how after I came out to him he suddenly didn't have any time to talk to me. Sorry if this is confusing...
Seems to me like he is avoiding, maybe having a hard time coming to the fact that his (only?) son is gay. I know me and my dads relationship wasn't perfect after he found out, but ours got better. However I think I would recomend talking to him. He probably doesn't want to talk about it, but it is something that can't be avoided. If it weighs really hevily on you, say something that will get his attention. Like "If you keep avoiding me, your going to lose your son... Now we need to talk." Its a strong statement, and it will cause a conversation. I can't say exactly say where the conversation would got though. Either makes him stop avoiding you, or he admits that he no longer wants to see you. Even if he was really out of town every week, if you said something like that, chances are he will make time for you.
Nope, I have two straight brothers, so that can't be it. I guess I should have mentioned... I'm not really affected by it. My life is easier not worrying about him and my mom (he's really immature when it comes to her) and I don't enjoy myself when I'm with him. I was just sort of... Putting it out there. I don't want to talk to anyone else about it because my mom would just get pissed at my dad and my best friend would blow it off. Sorry for the confusion.
It's easy to say "I'm not really affected by that"... but we both know that isn't completely true. If you didn't give a crap at all, you never would have told him, and you wouldn't be wondering why he's avoiding you. We're hardwired to want the love and approval of both parents. If it's denied us, then, over time, we build up a wall of protection so we don't get as easily hurt by it. But it still hurts. And in this case, it particularly hurts because you told him, hoping (whether consciously or unconsciously) that he'd be OK with it... and he's basically shown that he's not OK with it by avoiding you like the plague. You don't say how long it's been, but it seems like, particularly with fathers, it can take longer for them to come around. So here's what I'd do. I'd write a thoughtful letter to him, Maybe tell him how hard it was to muster the courage to tell him you were gay in the first place, and that it's clear to you that he must feel uncomfortable meeting with you, otherwise he wouldn't be "out of town" when his mail is always taken in and so forth. And in the same letter, give him space and tell him you understand it might be difficult, but you hope that he'll think about it and work through it, because he *is* your dad. My guess is he isn't really realizing how this is affecting you... and maybe not even really realizing just how much he's avoiding you. I am sure he'll come around. It will probably just take some time, and communicating via letter, where he has the time to read and re-read and think, without you being right there, might really help.
I came out to him on Feburary 20th, 2012. Upfront, I can say with certainty that it isn't affecting me (if it affects me in the future, so be it). I just wanted to talk to someone about the fact that he *is* avoiding me. I just feel that at this point, it'd be easier to just let him deal with it if he even is dealing with it.
My mother always suspected that I was gay, my dad was aware of this, but he refused to acknowledge it or believe it. I came out to my parents when I was 19. My mom reacted how I expected, relatively supportive, but hoping it was just a phase. My dad reacted negatively, he did not want to accept it, or talk about it, or understand it. When he found out I was dating a guy, he refused to have him in the house, or even speak his name. Our conversations became superficial. "Working? Healthy? Doing good? Okay bye." It took about 8 years for him to come around. Finally one day he realized that he didn't have the relationship with his son that he wanted, and did a complete 180. I'd like to think that we are on good terms. Give it some time, and talk to him about it, or let him come to you, He too will show you he cares. I wish you well.
