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I'm making myself the outsider?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by shane1503, Mar 28, 2012.

  1. shane1503

    shane1503 Guest

    So, this is quite the touchy subject for me...

    The last couple of days I've noticed that my friend has been ignoring me - only saying hi and bye at work. So, I asked her what was going on.
    She said that nothing is going on - it's all in my head - that she is talking to everyone (me included) and I'm just being fussy...
    Then today at work we were all outside and I sat a bit further away from everybody else because that was the only spot to sit. I didn't really mind - the others were talking to each other and everything was fine but the later on my friend approached me and started saying I was behaving stubborn, because I didn't get involved inthe conversation and that i sat further away and it is my own fault that nobody talks to me because I don't talk to anybody...

    I don't really understand why she's attacking me - I choose the word "attacking" because after that she didn't even look at me anymore and said she won't care about me..

    This has quite upset me because my friends know that I am not very good at talking to people that I'm not used to and that can't just butt into a conversation just so I'm included... Why don't people come to me? Why am I being accused of making myself an outsider?

    I don't really know what to do now... Am I just being stupid?
     
  2. Travel Tech

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    It sounds like she might be having her own personal problems. Do you know of anything that happened recently that might have upset her, even if she hasn't really been showing it?
     
  3. greeneyes

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    yea. as Lily Allen says, "it's not me, it's you." (you as in your friend)
     
  4. TroubledRyan

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    If you two are friends she should understand that yuou have trouble talking to new people and throwing yourself into conversations. She is not very considerate of that fact.

    On the other hand, I'm guessing you two have been friends for awhile? I can see if she is getting tired of you "soloing" yourself out. Even if thats now how you see it, that may be how she see's it.

    Over all, I think she is being alittle selfish.
     
  5. BudderMC

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    I second this. If she's your friend and she isn't usually like this, then being really frustrated with her life can lead her to act more aggressively more quickly. I can't really say what's best here, besides communication of course, but I wish you luck.

    I will suggest though, that you cut her some slack. Not necessarily let what she said slide, but be considerate of the fact she might be dealing with stuff. Often times when we least deserve it is when we most need kindness from others... and I think that goes double for friends.
     
  6. greeneyes

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    yea, sorry my last response wasn't helpful haha. but I agree with everything said. I wouldn't take it personally. Also I know when I'm sleep deprived or upset with something else I tend to take it out on other people or view them in a negative light when normally I wouldn't - everyone feels this way sometimes.

    she doesn't sound like the best person to be confrontational with, and also honest...which doesn't make her the best of friends. this is a hard situation though, and it might be very time specific...
     
  7. TheEdend

    TheEdend Guest

    I'm going to agree with everyone else and say that your friend didn't handle the situation well at all. She was very critical and at the end it didn't help at all. Feel free to talk to her and let her know how you feel about the whole thing. And don't beat yourself up for it! :slight_smile:

    That being said, keep in mind that you are right when you say that it is possible to make ourselves the outsiders. That by our actions we can push people away and it makes it harder to be approachable. Its actually very common among people who aren't very good at being social (me included) so we sort of have to catch ourselves and learn the "rules" in order to let people in.

    For example, when you saw your friends outside eating, did you approach them at least and said hello or did you just sit farther away without saying anything? If you did the latter, then you sent a message to everyone there (obviously you didn't mean to) that you weren't in the mood to talk and that they should probably leave you alone.

    Because everyone has their own insecurities and its way easier to talk to someone who you know for sure will talk back rather than talking to someone who may or may not talk back. Its the reason why people usually like people who are forward in their interactions and most people will always wait for someone else to start the conversation.
     
  8. shane1503

    shane1503 Guest

    yeah, she actually is having some problems at the moment... So, maybe you guys are right and that's why she's being this way...

    I did go over there and said hello and have a little chat before I sat down... But because I wanted to sit I had to go a bit further away...

    I think I'll wait and see what happens because it might just be what you all said, that she's having her own problems but taking it out on me...

    Thank you :slight_smile: