Recently I have allowed myself to consider that fact that I may be a lesbian. I considered myself to be a relatively happy together person before I started considering all of this. It just a small part of who I am, so why has it taken center stage of my life? I'm not even 100% sure, but looking back at things and events in my life I think to myself ..."I should be 100% sure." I was always a tomboy who hated dresses and girly things until about 2 years ago lol then I started to love these things. I did really care about dating in high school, I cared more about what other ppl though about me not dating, so I was always ready to talk about some random guy that I was "obsessed with". As after high school I worked as a Camp Director for a Southern Baptist Camp, so you can imagine the pressure to talk about "the one" and what we were gonna do when Prince Charming came around and swept us off our feet. I convinced myself I was in love with a guy that worked at the camp. Which ironically recently came out to me. After the college years I fell in love with a guy and we moved in together. Turns out I really believe now that I was in love with the whole idea of being in love with a guy and not so much the guy himself. There was a lot of bad in this relationship and I blamed it on him forever. Now I think it didn't work b/c I really wasn't into him. I'm in a place right now where i'm like ok what now...and I feel so conflicted about all of this. I'm really pretty depressed about it and I hate that about myself. I just wanna bury it down again and not deal with this at all, but I don't want to be the single cat lady either lol. Oh and it's gonna kill my parents, mom is always pressuring me to meet a guy so she can have grand kids, and dad is always talking about all the "GD Queers and Fairies" on tv and at work. I hate having to listen to that. I'm like , if you only knew. They know I hate this and i have always been more liberal and always said I don't need a guy to have kids, but they just look at me in disgust. he thanks for letting me vent lol. Anyone else here? Advice is awesome! Thanks, Chels
Most of us felt that way at one point. I thought I could be happy for the longest time by just not dealing with that part of me. Maybe you can be happy not dealing with it, but I wasn't able to keep supressing it. Now that I'm out I'm much happier and proud of being gay.
that's where I want to be with all of this, but i'm not there yet and I think it would be a lit easier if I just plastered it all over FB lol but I know that for my loved ones that's not the best way to deal with this. Like I said I don't know where to go from here.
It does take time to accept who you are, it's easier for some people and more difficult for others. I put myself through hell, by denying it, trying to change, but it didn't worked. Therefore, I had to accept the feelings I have for women by taking one step at a time. I even practiced saying, ” I'm gay” in the mirror, it took a minute, but once I said it, I laughed. It felt so good to just admit it to myself and aloud. The thing that helped me the most was reaching out to other women who were going through the same thing. It made me feel good helping others, yet I felt a sense of shame because I was still in denial. It became so bad that I started to get sick, it was terrible; I'd have headaches everyday. And now, I feel so much better, I've accepted it and so has my family, they've been really supportive. Try to imagine what it'd be like to kiss, hold, hug and love another woman, if it feels right then start reaching out to other women. You don't have to rush things, take one step at a time.
If you come out, no one is going to care that much. It may give you some more options with women but that is about it. The haters will pass judgment because that is all they have. Personally, I think people go wrong by making their sexuality the defining element of their character/identity. Don't be scared to take a good hard look in the mirror and take the steps you need to improve yourself and become the person you want to be.
Come out to yourself first. Look yourself in the mirror in the morning and say "I'm gay" and smile and laugh and breath a sigh of relief. Then when you're ready, tell others. Some will support you, others won't. Either way, you will always have yourself, your journey, that lasting sense of honesty and confidence in finally admitting to the world who and what you really are. It's a beautiful thing
like the above sound advice, coming out to yourself is a very important step. It is probably better to be honest with yourself than to continue this way. I lived in denial for 25 miserable years. I would also very much suggest talking to a therapist, that can keep your confidence and help you sort through your feelings. and of course those of us here are always willing to help (*hug*)
Hey People, check out my sad but true story. I have been asked by my first wife, a girl I met in the Air Force, a girl at my work, my best friend Art, my co-workers every were I worked and a few others if I was Gay. I was even told :Jerry, you know you are gay, just admit it” by two of my friends. I never answered or said a word. Was I afraid to answer ? Yes. Because I knew that deep down inside me, that I was in fact Gay. I knew before I was 13, even way before that when I was very young, I don't know the age but I saw my Dad's porn, it was in black and white, it is still so clear, I saw both men and women naked for the first time in my life. To make it short, the women did not look right to me but the men did. My first sexual encounter was with a guy, several many sexual explorations were towards guys. At 16 years of age, I had my first girl, I did not *** but always *** with guys, so I went back, It was at that exact time I knew I was Gay. After getting married, trying to be straight, I Joined the Air Force, still would not go away – I DID NOT WANT TO BE GAY ! I struggled to not act on my emotions but did and had the best sex I ever had In my life, with a man. I was so scared I married the first girl I met had 3 kids, and tried so hard to keep it in check. That lasted less than A year. Every year I would say to myself that this is the last time I am fantasizing about men. It just got stronger and I tried killing myself several times so I could die straight But no matter what I did, the fact was/is that I am Gay. Oh BTW – I had to keep this inside me for over 31 painful years. SO GEI URGE PEOPLE to understand that I absolutely did not what to be Gay and almost Died because of it. I thank GOD that I am alive and finally free, I am Gay and it's all good. I seriously could write a book about what I had to go through.
