It's a choice

well theres no proof ethier way on the matter but personaly id say something like this

according to DR blahh blahh( make up some name) homosexuality can be proven to be in ones genetic makeup and dose one chose that?

other wise if you dont want to lie just say if thats how you feel your entilted to your oppinion

 

Yeah you could always lie, if he has no clue about sex chemicals you could try to sound smart by saying something like "Actually it isn't a choice, when pregnant a mother develops various chemicals, some of these chemicals are sex chemicals. When a mother gets used to producing estrogen, the female sex chemical, she can make too much of it which causes ones sexual orientation to become different.

Or you could just say what I would usually say "Ok... Because I obviously want my life to be very hard compared to yours, I obviously want to be bullied in every aspect of life at some point. I OBVIOUSLY want to feel like a freak when I'm in love with someone and everyone thinks it's wrong, I OBVIOUSLY want to be condemned by bigoted activists my entire life and I OBVIOUSLY want it to be hard to have children when I'm older. Because who doesn't want to purposely fuck up their life?"

 

If you take it literally, people can choose to bury what they may feel for someone else. A gay guy could choose to only sleep with girls, and hide his appreciation of guys. In that sense, he's right.

 

It's a bit of a muddle, but this is how I see it: The choice comes into play when you decide to act upon your natural urges. You can either decide to follow those feelings and enter into a same sex relationship, or you can repress them and either live as an asexual being or commit yourself into an opposite sex relationship built upon denying your natural instincts. I'm not saying a gay man can't love a straight woman and have a healthy marriage. That happens fairly often from what I've read, but that doesn't mean the same-sex attraction will end.

This is me completely assuming here, but I identify as a Kinsey 6 on the scale. If I were to marry a woman, the entire relationship would be a lie and the 'choice' I made to live straight would tarnish that and any other other relationship I would have. I would think that those who are closer to the middle of the Kinsey spectrum (3 or 4) would probably better fit your friend's notion that being gay is a choice as they're more likely to go either way without a natural inclination towards one sex.

Maybe it's not so much a 'choice' as it is an inclination or an openness towards loving the individual over their sex. I know this isn't helping the argument much, just one more opinion tossed into the mix.

 

A same-sex orientation in itself is not a choice but our actions are. While there is no conclusive evidence about what causes homosexuality research suggests that there is a strong biological component and that it cannot be changed. If you look at studies on conversion therapy, you'll see that there is a very low success rate. Most times this type of therapy proves harmful and people will still experience same-sex feelings. They just won't act on them.

People who are more fluid in their sexuality may also have a choice in who they partner up with. This is called a sexual preference but again, this doesn't mean they chose their sexuality. It just means that have more flexibility in who they can fall in love with.

Coming out is a choice, but it is one that is beneficial for lgbt people. Here's what the APA has to say:

"Coming out is often an important psychological step for lesbian, gay, and bisexual people. Research has shown that feeling positively about one’s sexual orientation and integrating it into one’s life fosters greater well-being and mental health. This integration often involves disclosing one’s identity to others; it may also entail participating in the gay community. Being able to discuss one’s sexual orientation with others also increases the availability of social support, which is crucial to mental health and psychological well-being. Like heterosexuals, lesbians, gay men, and bisexual people benefit from being able to share their lives with and receive support from family, friends, and acquaintances. Thus, it is not surprising that lesbians and gay men who feel they must conceal their sexual orientation report more frequent mental health concerns than do lesbians and gay men who are more open; they may even have more physical health problems. "

So yeah, we do choose to come out but it's for our own good. We shouldn't have to hide who we are. It's damaging and I'm sure a lot of closeted people, including myself, will say that being in the closet sucks. And I'm sure that the vast majority of people who came out are 10 times happier now that they are out of the closet. So just tell your friend coming out is choosing happiness and honesty.. and who wouldn't want to make that choice?

 

Wait so can you clarify for me?

He thinks being gay itself is a choice or acting on being gay is a choice?

I suppose you could always bring up a typical argument of "do you remember choosing to be straight?"

You could also bring up how there is homosexuality in nature, maybe go into the theory that homosexuality is a mechanism to prevent over-population, which it may well indeed be.

 

I can sort of relate- the guy I'm in love with, who has feelings for me says that he doesn't want nor will have a bf- despite the feelings and the sex we have. Now he keeps bringing up the idea that I want to out him- but that's not my place.

So yeah, you're friend might be CHOOSING to stay in the closet despite who he really is. The question is why though? As some have said- it's a lie, a fantasy and you cheat and hurt not just yourself but the other person you've chosen to live out the fantasy with.

I know I'm at whits end and don't know what to do anymore- it's not our choice or place to get them out but we can open the door and hold their hand through it

 

ask your friend when he got to make the decision to be straight, and if he COULD be attracted to a guy if he wanted to.

The obvious answer is no. No one gets to decide if they are straight or if they are gay.

Then ask him, what he would do if society expected him to pair off with another guy, but he still had all this attraction to women.

Maybe that'll get the point home. We don't get to choose who we are attracted to. We just get to choose whether we want to be honest, or be liars.

 

Well this little thing called science has many facts to prove him worng. The only choice you have in the matter is if you're going to accept yourself or not.

 

From my own experience, bringing up science or research with people who believe it's a choice doesn't work. What I generally say is that ex-gay organizations would need to exist if there was some way to turn it off. People in countries where being gay could get you killed wouldn't be gay. If it were a choice, we wouldn't have a problem with people committing suicide rather than being queer.

 

well if he think being gay is a choice. just try and relate to things on this level.

ask him if he prefer blondes or brunettes (girls). if he say he doesn't care, ask him what is somethign physical about a girl that is really his ideal type.

then once he says that, ask him when did he develop an attraction for this "type" and why specially does he have an attraction for this type.

he may say "idk i just like blondes more for some reason".

Then you can tell him that being gay is kinda like that. you really do not know why you like the same sex, you do not know when exactly this attraction formed or sparked, but its just there. sure you could date guys if you wanted to but you are not interested in them and they do not do anythign for you, so you would prefer to date "your type" which happens to be girls.

 

I would just rebut his question my simply saying "When did you decide to become straight?" Most people when you ask them sort of get it.

 

You can try explaining him in basic biological sense of sexuality. Try to get him to think about what gets his "motor running" if you know what I mean and that might be a bit easier with us guys as we can notice the changes down there and then tell him that with people who are homosexual it's just the other way around. I for example, get no reaction down there when girls are in the picture and I do get a reaction with guys.

So just remind him how he gets no arousal or any other kind of reaction towards guys and that he (probably) gets some kind of reaction towards girls. Tell him that it's exactly the same with homosexual girls and that homosexual guys get the same reaction as straight girls. Simple as that .

 

The way I like to think of it is like this: You don't choose to be gay any more than you choose to like ice cream. You like it or you don't. You can pretend as much as you want that you don't like ice cream, but that does not change the fact that you do. Weather or not you choose to tell people about your love of ice cream has no bearing on your taste buds.