Hi all- yet another twist in the saga- I feel like I could write a soap. Anyway, lately "my" guy keeps commenting on how he knows I'm going to out him- to friends, family, put it on fb, etc. There are a couple things about that I don't like... 1. I respect him and our friendship to do that to him. 2. It's not my place- I'd be glad to help him with the process but I would never just be like hey, your brother is gay n has feelings for me. 3. By doing so- i lose everything bc he doesn't want nor could ever have a bf- despite how feels about me or the sex we have. I think he's CHOOSING the 'straight' life bc it's more acceptable and what he's "comfortable" with. At this point, I don't know anymore. Im not going to out him but with him constantly saying he knows I want to makes me wonder if he really wants me to? He's the one who brings it up and sure I can out him, but ik he'd deny it and then i'd have to show proof that I'm not making it up-- but again- that would ruin the friendship and whatever else we 'have'. For those of you who have struggled with this or are familiar... any advice for me? I know he'll want to sleep with me again- but I'm not allowing it anymore- he has a "girlfriend" whom he doesn't want to cheat on and wants to be with her. Do you think he's struggling with living this fantasy? Maybe he is missing me because I've withdrawn- I don't keep the daily routine we used to have, either via text or postings on his wall I don't ask to see him, don't tell him I miss him- slowly I'm moving on or at least trying to. I dont what to do at this point... :help:
I'm no expert, but I can give you a different point of view. I'm caught between wanting to tell everyone to just get it over and not wanting ppl to know for fear of losing everyone I care about. Maybe this will help. It sounds like He's afraid and insecure with himself. He's nervous that b/c you are pulling away, you may be upset, and that you will out him. That comes from his insecurities, nothing that you have done wrong. I'd just continue what you are doing, support from afar. If he wants to be "straight", he's just not in a place where he fells like he can deal with this right now, and it's probably easier for him.
Thanks Chels, I agree with you... it's a safety and insecurity thing. He has feelings for me and I feel has talked himself into believing they are "as a brother" only- but he has stated that he can't say no to me- and there's a force that pulls us together- He told me that I'm persistent and he knows I want to out him- but if I out him- I lose him all together. I'm being patient, but not waiting for him. I think he feels more then he's letting on. he is still questioning why he is gay-- I want to post this on his wall... http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_L6rk7hlthDY/TKVNhYcrRII/AAAAAAAABjI/91X6tmckt3k/s1600/optical+illusion.gif
he is fearful of this and by him saying "i know u will out me" its like him beggin without beggin "please do not out me pleaseeee". my advice to u is: 1. if you haven' done so alrady stop sleeping with him. 2. congrats on ending the routine of text and wall posts. keep that up. 3. be a friend from the distance but do not hang out with him anymore right now just say that its not a good idea. you can't keep being in limbo or the sex test tube.
Thanks inside, It's been a jumbled mess-- I'm not outing him, unless it is something we do together- I feel like he wants me to be the one to do it- he'll say things like "you told my sister didn't u, lol" or "ik u want to tell her lol" its the "lol" that throws me-- either way, it's not my place. I have stopped sleeping with him and seeing him as much as it sucks because he is my best friend and all, but I'm taking care of me. The last time I saw him he apologized for not being able to give me what I want (as he we were embracing each other- ik he cares and part of him wishes he could be with me.) I'm not waiting for him, yet I feel like I'm on the side lines watching and waiting for him to "wake up" and be like, I do need you, please help me" We first slept together in 2009 and it was an "experiment" back then-- went on for almost a year- we were practically together-- and then he moved away for a yr- came back in Dec and well, we've been sleeping together ever since... so it's not just sex-- this was gradual from when we first met in 08.
