Pretty depressed about where my process is at :'(

Well, where are you meeting other gay men? Just the place where you meet them can make a big difference. Is there somewhere you can try that's less geared towards hookups? An lgbt group on campus? A website that has a decent amount of people just looking for friends and not dates? Or even some kind of social group in the city or town where you live, like a biking club or a gaming club?

I'm confused about the job opportunities thing. Coming out doesn't necessarily mean everyone in the world gets a memo - some people who are "out" are out at work, and some aren't, just because it's a professional place for them that doesn't encourage personal connections with people. Can you say more about why you're thinking this will be a problem?

I'm most interested in this friend of yours that you're dropping hints to, though. Do you think she'll be accepting of you if you come out to her? I would encourage you to be as pro-active as you can with this - even down to the point of telling her, "hey, I need to talk to someone about something, do you have some time here?", and laying it out for her. I think it would do you a lot of good to have someone to talk to about this who isn't trying to get in your pants. (*hug*)

Glad you're still around, though - hope to hear more from you soon.

 

The best advice I can give you is this. If your friends are truly awesome, and deserving of you in their lives. Come out to them. If they dismiss you, then they are not your friends.

I came out relatively early, about 17, and only to the friends I knew would keep my secret (as I was still in high school and wanted to spare myself from being bullied in a small town) I officially came out and started living my life as an openly gay male almost immediately after graduation, when the few idiots that I no longer had to suffer the sight of their ugly faces had no more grasp on my life.

When I came out, I was surprised to find that some of my friends were tired of waiting. I did not lose any, and the thing is, most of them, I don't even talk to anymore. They were there for 1 part of my life, and now I have new friends for the rest. People will come in and out of your life, but do not get depressed over the thought of losing them if they choose to go, let them. You have an entire life of friends and new people ahead of you. Every 3 years or so, I go through major shifts in friends, but the ones that matter stick around for life.

The same goes for your parents. It can be a little messy with family, but I assure you, it feels great. Things may not be easy, but you are not alone.

As for the gays that only want you for sex. Welcome to the adult world. Depending on where you are meeting them (online, ******, bars) this is something you will have to come to expect and get used to. Just have fun with it while you are young, and be safe.

You are in control of your life, do not fret over people that hold you down or prevent you from being you.

 

I would tell her, if it's physically safe. If you expect her to tell other people AND you're in an area where gay people are badly bullied, it may not be safe, and you'll have to figure that one out. In most places, though, it's not dangerous to come out, even if it's scary.

The world is full of potential friends. Even if you lose your current friends, I'm sure you'll find others sooner than you expect. Good luck.