As I've mentioned before in threads, I hang out regularly at a store. No regulars there are out, including myself. This evening as things were winding down, I was having a smoke with one of my friends there and he said he had to make a phone call, and intimated that he wanted privacy. I told him I didn't want to intrude and moved elsewhere. unfortunately I overheard the start of his conversation. he said "I haven't heard from [male name] since we broke up" now I won't deny that I had mildly suspected him as possibly gay. he's never had a gf as far as I'd known or even mentioned one. But he's not at all super-overtly giving off signs. I don't know If i should approach him about it at all. I'm not looking to date him, but It might be nice if we were both out to each other (assuming he is gay) which could make things more comfortable at the store and it could possibly strengthen our friendship, which would be good since he is probably one of my closest friends there. I'm concerned that he might be upset that I overheard, even though it should be fairly obvious that I did, that he might think I'm hitting on him, which I'm not, or that he just doesn't want to risk at all being outed. and I would hate to lose him as a friend. I'm also concerned that I misunderstood the phone conversation (though I don't see how I could) and he isn't gay and I'm risking outing myself. Not that I think he'd really care, but It would mean exposure that I'm not really ready for yet. At least not there anyways. Should I say something to him? should I ignore it and watch for further signs? should I just forget about it? am I being a big old doofus? this is not a situation I've really ever been in, and I'm looking for some advice from my fellows here at EC that have probably dealt with this sort of problem before. so...any thoughts?
I don't see that there's any reason to doubt it - if he broke up with a guy, survey says gay. Not that there aren't other options, but it's a safe bet that he's something other than hetero. I can only think of two scenarios where coming out to him wouldn't be okay - if the name was an androgynous one (Alex, Chris, etc.) that could be mistaken for male, or if he has some sort of super self-loathing thing going on where he won't acknowledge it and be freaked out by someone else being gay. If neither of these are the case, then I say just come out to him, and if he comes out to you too all you have to say is that you suspected it (which is already true). You wouldn't need to say you overheard the conversation. Another thought - is it possible that he meant for you to overhear the conversation and out himself to you? Just thinking of different possibilities.
Just to play devil's advocate, based on the sentence you gave - it's still unclear since the the audience (you and the EC forum) doesn't know who "we" is. "I haven't heard from [guy's name] since we (alias for [friend's name] & [guy's name]) broke up." could also be interpreted as "I haven't heard from [guy's name] since we (alias for [friend's name] & [unspoken 3rd party girl's name]) broke up." if the conversation had an understood third party that you weren't aware of.
firstly, there is no way the name in question is anything but a man's name...unless the case of obnoxious parents and yeah I hadn't considered either of those options...that's why I posted this.... guh I feel like a little gossipmonger..... If I were to say something..(and I'm really not sure that I'm going to) what would be the best approach?
If i were you I would just keep it to myself and only bring it up if it was really necessary, like if you had a really big suspicion that its bothering him or affecting him in a big way.
