Hi all, So I'm a 22 year old female and planning to come out to my parents as bi very soon (within a few days or so before I head to school). I want to come out in order to share with them this part of my identity. My dilemma is that I'm not sure whether to come out as bi or as gay. I don't want my parents to think that I'm in a phase, confused, can't make my mind up, etc by coming out as bi, but I also don't want my parents to think that if they start pushing me towards guys they'll change my mind or something. It feels wrong, however, to come out as gay because I want to be true to my identity and share who I am. I skew a lot more towards the same gender (about 80/20) so it wouldn't be too much of a lie coming out as gay. I'm not even sure if the wording would make that much of a difference, anyway. What do y'all think? Any advice would help! Also any advice on coming out to my parents in general would help too. Thanks!
Come out as what you are, you can't compromise for the sake of others. Maybe think it over a little more - you'll be happier for it.
I got the impression that sexuality scales are pretty much floating. Therefore kinsey can give a good idea but is pretty imprecise. you could probably come out as mostly into female gender? all the best for your coming out. Dominik
I came out as bi to my parents and my friends when I was 19/20. There isn't anybody else's business I believe. The fact is that after I told them I fell in love with a guy and we dated for years. That made people believe that what happened before was a fase. That it was just an experience... Now I'm 26 and about a month ago I had courage to tell everybody (that matters) again. That I am bi... I just can't take girls out of my mind. They all seemed surprised but they're all ok with it. I guess that when people love you just want you to "choose" the easy path. But it's not a choice, is it? Since I can't know for sure if I'm gonna fall for a guy or a girl, because what's inside that really matters in the end, I say I'm bi. I am not sure of what the future holds for me... neither are you. Be who you are. Whatever that is... That's what I'm trying to do anyway.
If you're going to come out, come out honestly. I understand the fear about the stereotypes being associated with being bi, but it would be better to show them those are false than to lie about who you are. When (or if) you tell anyone, just make sure you also calmly make it clear that this isn't just a phase, or any other stereotypes you're worried about. I hope it goes well
Just explain it. I hate to say this, but don't be another bi now gay later person - that makes life for someone who is more bisexual very hard.
I totally agree. I'm 80/20 or 19/20 in the sense that I favor single sex but fall in love with individual guys (as well as girls), so I'm not just gay (I like thinking of it as I'm gay and straight not that I'm not gay).
Thanks for all the advice y'all. I decided to come out as bi to my parents since I think it's important for them to understand who I am and how I identify. I printed out this page that clears up misconceptions about bisexuality for them to read. Anyway I came out to my Dad today and he's basically in denial and doesn't believe I know who I am. He thinks I was influenced by my friends and people at school and he wants me to see a counselor. I feel really guilty about making him go through all this, sad that he can't see the truth and scared about what's going to happen. And I have yet to tell my Mom who I'm super scared about telling. She's going through a lot of pressures at work (interviews and tests) so I'm not sure it's a good time to tell her. My Dad's telling me to wait until after graduation in May when she's less busy and probably after I've seen a counselor. Have any of y'all talked to counselor's about this before? What kind of counselor did you talk to and what do you usually talk about during the sessions? I told my Dad I would talk to a counselor if he did too. I figure I already know who I am and talking to a counselor is not going to convince me otherwise, but if the counselor can tell him I'm bisexual and then maybe he'll be convinced that this is who I am. Sigh. People say that they usually have a feeling of relief and a weight lifted off of them after they come out. I didn't really feel that - just felt sad, scared and guilty. When am I supposed to start feeling good about coming out? Maybe it's because I haven't come out to my Mom yet. I'm scared to come out to her and my Dad's reaction wasn't exactly supportive. Sigh. This is really hard. :icon_sad:
I currently see a therapist. I started last summer, and he's been my biggest supporter and ally. I started going to get help with something that had nothing to do with being gay. But as time passed, and we really got to know each other, it came out (no pun intended) piece by piece. Sometimes we talked about my confusion, sometimes we just giggled about cute girls. I see him every two weeks now, and I can't explain how helpful it's been. Even if you know exactly where you stand, you can still learn a lot about yourself and how to better relationships (like with your parents). It's not for everyone, and you have to find a therapist you really click with, but I have changed and grown so much because of mine. Just a little food for thought. Best of luck to you with your mother and father!
