Sometimes I think I'm just sort of imagining that I'm gay, that I'm just sort of looking for attention. Since this is what my parents tell me I'm doing, it's only fair that I consider the theory. Their point is that all my gay friends are leading me down a terrible road, and when they grow up they're all going to be in happy heterosexual marriages while I'm stuck being persecuted for being gay, all because I want to make friends so I'm "copying" other people. They also think gayness is unnatural, but there's nothing I can do about that. Their views are about the same for non-cisgender people, of whom I am one, but How do you defend against people who tell you you're doing it for attention? I'm almost certain I'm gay, but still sort of questioning. I'm not straight for sure. The trouble is, I’m fairly sure I’m not doing it for attention, but - because of these environmental pressures - I doubt myself a lot.
Although I won't say it doesn't ever happen, I'm pretty sure it's very, very rare for people to say they're gay just for the attention. Especially when the "attention" actually received can be pretty unpleasant. Your parents have shown that they have a vested interest in trying to make you doubt yourself. And you're pretty clear about the fact that you're almost certain of your sexual orientation. YOU are the ONLY person who gets to make that call. All kinds of people will try to tell you that they know what you are better than you do, for all kinds of different reasons - and their opinions on the subject are worth exactly zero, for the simple reason that they are not you, and you know yourself better than anyone else does. Don't let your parents' homophobia confuse you. As for what you should do about it, generally I counsel people to remain calm but firm, and continue to assert that they know who and what they are. It can be difficult not to react with anger or frustration, but the more you present them with a calm, level-headed and consistent message, the more likely they are to eventually hear it (or at least give up on trying to warp your mind).
Thanks for the support. I'm graduating high school this year, so hopefully I'll meet with a better environment in college - though where I'm going is pretty close to home, so I'll have to be a little bit careful. My parents still think gayness is unnatural, etc. etc. The trouble is, though I know for sure I'm not straight, I'm still a bit questioning on whether I like just girls or I'm pansexual. I also think I'm genderqueer, but occasionally I wonder if I'm not just a tomboyish girl taking it too far, as my parents say. So I'm still looking inside myself for answers, and my parents just get me more confused. I'll try to take your advice; thanks very much. I really do appreciate the support, an accepting voice is good to hear nowadays in my life.
My mother is very much that way. She's a psychologist. I've been considering coming out to her, but my sister recently got pregnant, and I am in constant fear that she will brush me off and say I'm doing it because I feel left out. So I've decided not to tell her. I won't put that kind of heartbreak on myself. In five years, when I am still with women, she'll know. This part of me isn't going to change, so why bother making it harder on myself? You shouldn't have to defend who you are. But if you do, don't take it personally. Your parents will have a lot of searching to do within theirselves, and if you are angry and defensive about it, they probably will be, too.
Usually, if someone says something to you enough, you start to believe it. It's highly unlikely that you're imagining these feelings. I know this was rather brief, but I just wanted to put the point across about how if something is said enough, it can sometimes become reality. Try your best to ignore it and listen to your own thoughts and feelings.
