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How to befriend a closeted girl!!!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by greeneyes, Apr 1, 2012.

  1. greeneyes

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    There is a girl in my coming out group that I would really like to befriend. It would be so nice to have a friend who really understands and can talk about this.

    The thing is though that I don't know if she feels the same way. I also think she might have gotten the wrong impression that I'm creeping on her or something. We're not in the same circles at all at school. She's a year younger than I.

    Am I pushing too hard and is this inappropriate???

    I feel like every time I say hi she just avoids me. Am I pushing someone who isn't really ready to talk about this? I'm worried.

    :sleep::sleep:
     
  2. MeAndAyla

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    I think you just need to give her time. She might be having a hard time accepting it and trying to deny it. Before I even admitted I like girls (Even though I knew, I just didn't want to admit it) a girl was super clingy and always wanted to be around me. I found it super annoying, but now I think it was because I didn't want to admit I had feelings for her. Now she is my girlfriend. So I think you should just keep saying hi to her and talking when you get the chance, eventually she will open up and hopefully feel like she needs someone to talk to too.
     
  3. greeneyes

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    Thanks for your advice! The only thing is that we're both in a coming out group together, so I feel like it's worse because coming onto her is somewhat inappropriate. What do you think?
     
  4. silverhalo

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    I think you need to try and find the fine balance between friendly and pushy. Perhaps try and say hi and smile at her when you see her but then end it there sort of like a hi in passing, so you come across as friendly but then she doesnt feel under pressure to make conversation and doesnt feel uncomfortable.

    Are any of your friends in the group, or any of her other friends?
     
  5. greeneyes

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    Thanks - I barely see her though it's so frustrating. My campus is big so it's hard to run into people. I will do a "hi" in passing when I see her though haha.

    And no unfortunately, no friends on either side, though I have been closer with one person in the group outside of it.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    What about in the group that you both go to? How long is the group? Does it meet weekly? Do you just hang out or do activities?
     
  7. greeneyes

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    Unfortunately it's weekly (though right now due to scheduling it's one every two weeks) and it's a moderated discussion group. The moderator's absolutely terrible. People usually go their separate ways afterwards, though occasionally I've chatted with one person afterwards.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    Maybe you could try and get some people from the group interested in doing something outside the group, like going for a meal or going to the cinema or bowling or something that way you can get to know some of the people better away from the group.
     
  9. greeneyes

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    Yea, that's what I want to do though I don't think our moderator will allow it.

    I did run into her and said hi in passing and was walking away and then she started a conversation, so that's good!
     
  10. silverhalo

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    Yeah thats cool, I think you got to just take things slow. Do you have to get the permission of the moderator? I mean if its not in group time surely there are no rules about whether or not a few of you can meet up?
     
  11. greeneyes

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    Yea but he brought up one time about whether we can be friends outside the group and I felt like everyone said yes but one person was hesitant so he was like the entire group isn't ready! This is so annoying.
     
  12. silverhalo

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    I guess if people are not out they can be hesitant about being associated with people in public places. Maybe start small and just get a few people on side and see if it will then grow, I mean if there are people that dont want to go, then thats cool right?
     
  13. greeneyes

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    Yea - I'll see in two weeks at the next meeting. It's a weird assortment of people but hopefully that will work.

    Thanks for posting by the way! This is such a weird situation.
     
  14. silverhalo

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    Yeah its tough, im not sure that im being particularly helpful but it cant hurt.