Okay, so here's my first thread, and I'm not only seeking advice for myself, but others that are also an only child and don't think that they can ever come out. The thought of it actually makes me feel unwell. When I think about coming out, I get extreme anxiety, anxiety I know that I wouldn't have if I weren't the only child my parents had. I seriously don't think that I could take the whole grandchildren situation, even though I know it's possible for me to still provide grandchildren (the chances are just slightly reduced). My parents mean so much to me and even though it's my life, I feel that I'd be letting them down, taking an opportunity from them. Another issue is my age and the constant questioning of me not being in a relationship. I get asked a lot whether I have meet an attractive girl around college, when I'm going to find a girlfriend and sometimes I even get told about a good looking girl that they've found for me. I usually just laugh it off, but never say anything, as I don't want to lie to myself by telling them that I'm at all interested. It's not purely advice that I want, but just general opinions and whether others are going through the same situation. Thanks, Lewis.
Hey there! First off, welcome to EC! I, too, am an only child, and I know only too well exactly what you're talking about. You didn't say what your parents' opinions/beliefs on gay people are, but for me, my parents were both pretty supportive of gay people and gay rights (my dad more so than my mum actually), and they're not very religious, so really the only concerns I had were the ones you mentioned above. Admittedly, the whole grandchildren issue was one of the biggest hurdles I had to get over. One of my mum's first reactions was "I'm not going to have any grand kids!". My dad was very good about it from the beginning, and backed me up when my mum had a go at me over it all. Like you said, you can still have kids - try to drive that point home. All I can say is that for me, it got better over time. When I first came out, my mum was somewhat hysterical - now, seven months later, she actually asks me how my social/personal life is going, and wants to know if I've met anybody. As far as the relationships go, I did get asked that question for nearly all of high school, until I got my first serious girlfriend right before graduation. I just deflected. I never lied to them - usually I would just say that I was focusing on my studies and wasn't really looking for or interested in a relationship, which for me, was true.
Both of my parents are absolutely fine with gay people, my mum's brother is gay (they're very close) and both my mum and dad have gone to a gay clubs with her him and his partner. Even with that, I still find the prospect of telling them very difficult. I just feel that even though they're very open-minded, it would be a huge thing for them to deal with and I really don't want to put them through it. It's just really difficult, which I am sure you understand. As for the questioning, I say similar things about studying and and not being interested etc. but it would be so easier if they weren't mentioning girlfriends, because it makes me really uncomfortable. I'm still in the mindset of believing that I could never come out, but it's really nice to hear from someone in a similar situation. ---------- Post added 1st Apr 2012 at 03:16 PM ---------- Just to add, neither of them are religious either.
Sorry you feel this way (*hug*) I'm in a very similar situation, my parents do the same things to me even though they mean well. I have two older siblings so it might be a little different, but I know how frustrating this can be. Really the only advice I can give is to keep brushing it off, it sucks but sometimes it is all you can do. Stay strong, and if you need to vent, your in the best place to do it.
Thanks that's usually what I do, laugh or just say 'no, they're all ugly at my college!' even though they're not, they're probably very pretty, but not for me! Even being on this forum for a couple of days has REALLY helped me and has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. I have never spoken about this openly, mainly in my head - which is very frustrating.
That's an excerpt from my first thread on EC, when I was strongly considering coming out. I put that there because reading what you wrote so reminded me of myself. As you can tell from my above quote, I was basically solely concerned with the possibility of them being hurt. I was tearing myself to bits over what to do. Not long after I wrote that thread, I finally decided to come out, but it was certainly not an easy decision to come to. So yes, I completely understand the difficulty you're encountering with all this. It's not easy. Also, I get what you mean when you say that "it would be so easier if they weren't mentioning girlfriends, because it makes me really uncomfortable." I remember when I used to come home from university, whenever I was alone with my dad, he would immediately ask if I'd met any girls or if there was anyone I liked. More than once, I just wanted to scream that no, there weren't any girls that I liked and there weren't going to be any! Now, he asks me if I've met any guys ha.
Well, that's a really good outcome for you. I really hope that one day I can be in the same position! It's also very nice to know that I'm not the first and won't be the last person to feel the way that I do right now. Everything you mentioned in your original post completely applies to me (apart from considering coming out!) and I feel the same way about inflicting the pain on myself rather than my parents. Funny thing is, they probably already know, but still ask me about girls to somewhat test me. It's not that obvious that I am now, but as a child it was pretty obvious. Thanks a lot for your input and it's really great that your parents are now asking you about guys not girls, because that's a question I could easily answer haha!
