I recently came to terms with myself after falling in love for the first time, and subsequently being rejected, and what I've noticed is that I just don't don't find most men attractive physically. I've never been all the interested in sex (especially because I've heard the first few times is quite painful) so its not a sex thing, but most gay men I meet are either so masculine that I'm a bit scared or so flamboyant and girly acting that Im completely turned off by it. Am I being too picky? Or is it just that guys don't just act like themselves anymore? (I don't want to use the word normal... But...)
No you're not being picky I am in the same boat as you, well apart from the being attracted to men physically. I also could not be with a man who is too masculine, as I would feel threatened and weak. I am also not attracted to as you put it 'flamboyant' men, nothing against any men who are reading this but I'm just not attracted to them either, friends is as far as it goes with them for me. This is not being picky as it is simply who you are attracted to, not dating someone because they have a birth mark or moles etc is picky. However last thing; you say you are not attracted to most men physically? Exactly how much is most? It's possible you may be a homoromantic asexual, meaning you are emotionally attracted to men but not physically attracted to anything. Don't take my word for this though as you haven't supplied much information, so I am just giving my opinions based on speculation.
I'm the same, I mean...I look at the masculine men, but probably couldn't approach one. As for flamboyant, that's a huge huge turn-off for me, again no offence to anyone who is a little flamboyant. It's just when I think of myself with a man, I think masculine. Most of those 'masculine' men are straight anyways...
Well there certain types of guys I'm really attracted to I guess, but for the most part it's just a very small number of people and they all have a certain.. Look and attitude, masculine but not overly so and only a bit softer, not really "flamboyant"
It does sound like you have a really specific type of guy that you like so yes, you are being a bit picky. Nothing bad with that, but just know what you might have to wait a bit longer to find your type and the sooner you are okay with that the better it will go From what you said, it seems like you haven't really met too many gay guys and you haven't really interacted with too many either. I know that you aren't attracted to the very masculine guys or the very feminine, but have you tried being just friends with them? For all you know, they might know someone that is in a similar positions as you.
Well there aren't many to meet where I'm from but I'm fairly good friends with the few I have met, it's not that I hold anything against them, I just don't find them attractive in that sense.
Hmm, I have a question on this matter (not trying to hijack the thread). I haven't interacted with many gay guys at all really and I'm wondering whether there are any truly masculine gay guys that you would not at all expect to be gay at all or are there always telltale signs? I'm not at all small-minded and acknowledge that there probably are, but it's just something that I have no experience with and wonder about (as most of the guys I'm attracted to appear to be straight). Sorry if this is a little off topic and to prevent it veering in that direction, I won't mention it after this! xD
Hey i'm in the same boat - but with girls. I have that "spark" with so few girls it seems. Also I don't oggle girls like my friends seem to. Sometimes I do. There's a girl at the Starbucks I'm in (a barista) who kinda make my heart skip a beat. And really I only ever fall for girls. But I find about 1-2% of girls really attractive to me in that way that causes sparks. My other lesbian friend finds all sorts of girls attractive. But I suspect there are straight people like us too that don't find everyone of the opposite sex attractive. It's frustrating.
Sure there are, I've met one and was pretty good friends with him til he started doing drugs, but he was sort of overly masculine. As a side note you guys and girls really cheered me up seeing how many other people feel the same as me.
I'll put my oar in and say that I feel pretty much the same, hypermasculinity/ laddishness or 'flamboyance' (for want of a better word) both don't appeal to me much. As you said, "masculine but not overly so and only a bit softer", so you're not that unusual. And whether there are truly masculine gay guys out there, yes, there definitely are as the only guy I've ever done anything with had nothing about him to suggest he wasn't straight.
You're not being picky at all! You've got your preference, you know what sort of man you want, and that's a good thing!
