So, here's my story. I've always thought of myself as straight or as not being attracted to either gender (the crushes I've had were purely based on looks and never went beyond a crush). But lately, I've been wondering about my sexual orientation. I never experimented. I'm 18 and I've never so much as kissed a boy. Oh, and I made the decision for spiritual reasons to remain celibate my entire life. But yesterday I kissed my best friend in the whole world (for the sake of anonymity, I'll call her Alice). And the thing is, she's been trying to figure out if she's bisexual or straight. After she kissed me, she said "I'm Bi." Since I've never kissed anyone, I don't have anything to compare it to, but it felt really great. She's engaged to my best guy-friend (but he's OK with me and Alice kissing; he thinks it's hot that she likes girls). Both Alice and I wanted to go further, but the rule is that if it's more than kissing, he wants to be involved. But he's like my brother; I love him more than the brothers I grew up with. And it goes against every girl-instinct I possess. You don't do anything with your best friend's significant other. Period. And, if I'm being honest with myself, I really don't think I want to do anything with a guy at all. Alice and I have agreed to let whatever happens happen, but this whole thing happened so fast, I'm not sure how to feel. One second, I'm either straight or asexual and never been kissed, and the next second I'm kissing a girl and really liking it. Am I a lesbian? Or bi? Because even though I don't want to do anything with a guy, I still find them attractive. And the idea of kissing a guy does intrigue me a little. I guess my username says it all. I'm SUPER CONFUSED and I need some advice. Thank you.
You don't want to do ANYTHING with a guy? Well from what you have described I would say you are a heteroromantic lesbian, meaning you are attracted to the emotional side of being with a man, but not the physical. Personally I wouldn't engage in this threesome as it would get awkward being in the same room with eachother, while it will seem so great and hot in the heat of the moment, when it's over you won't be able to look at eachother in the same way without seeing it... I wouldn't think it's a good idea but it's your call. Good luck
Hello! Welcome to EC! The two phrases that stood out to me from your message was "I really don't think I want to do anything with a guy" and "I made the decision for spiritual reasons to remain celibate my entire life." They reveal something. It could mean you have a problem with men or that you are in fact bisexual, gay, or somewhere on the spectrum. I say the problem with men comment as an example of it being something else other than being gay - one of my friends identified as a lesbian, freaked out when having sex with women, enjoyed sex with men but hated men - she then figured out her sexuality was more complex than she though. It clearly doesn't sound like the case for you, but I wanted to say that these things can be much more complex, unexpected, and frustrating - though figuring out who you are is a thrill and a relief at the end of it all! I wouldn't necessarily jump to a label right now - questioning is hard but it's a necessary process. I would just try to be as open to new experiences as possible.
Hi there and welcome to EC. I'm curious too about the decision to be celibate. If that's what you really want, then I'm not sure it matters all that much what your orientation is - and you certainly don't need to figure it out in a hurry. Is it possible that you've arrived at this decision (to be celibate) to in fact avoid the issue of your orientation?
The idea to be celibate is from Zen Buddhism (I just take whatever ideas I like from just about every religion ). The principle is that if you're not doing it to reproduce, don't do it. I really liked that. But I really do want to figure out my orientation. I never really wanted to kiss anyone (until now) but the concept of kissing a girl never occurred to me. And when I say I don't want to do anything with a guy, I mean anything sexual (touching, clothes coming off, etc.). But now I do kind of want to kiss a guy just to see what it's like. On the other hand, if my next kiss is with a girl, or if I never kiss a guy, I'm not exactly gonna cry about it. Now I'm starting to think "holy crap, how do I tell my family?" I've always been a little odd (even to them, although they assure me it's endearing), but I can't think of even one member of my family who is not as straight as an arrow.
