I'm sorry if I'm mis using this forum... but right now, this is one of the only safe spaces where I can be honest about everything. All the other things I would use are off limits, so I just have to come here or I feel like I'll explode. I'm aware that these are all fairly first world issues... I haven't really got it bad compared to some people, which kind of makes me feel worse for being miserable... but right now I just don't know what else to do, I need to talk to someone. I'd had a bit of a disappointing day after essentially realising I'd been making up the idea that this girl liked me just because I'm lonely and at 16 have zero romantic experience. I'm not good at being alone and I feel pretty distant from a lot of my friends... I don't have the kind of lifestyle where there's someone who I can call just because. And that would've been OK, I guess, but things just seem to be piling up- stuff that I'd pushed away because I didn't deem it important enough to feel sad about... and it seems like the more you push something away, the harder it hits you when it swings back around. My sister's home for the holidays, and I love her dearly and am glad she is here, she's one of my best friends in the world, but I've always felt so inadequate compared to her. Case and point: my parents once called the health visitor in because they thought I had a learning disability because I didn't learn to read as fast as my sister. Every time we talk to an adult there is schpeel after schpeel about my sister the successful med student. And I am proud of her, I really am, but I've always felt useless next to her and my parents always blamed every insecurity I had on feeling inadequate next to her: which is like, well, thanks, I actually didn't feel that way until you pointed out how vastly inadequate I am. :bang: Then my sister comes home having lost weight and going on about how easy and accidental it was, mentioning it every five minutes, when I've been trying to do the same thing for months and failing. Then every five minutes she has a text from her new boyfriend and goes on paragraph after paragraph about how wonderful it is to be in a relationship. And I feel so awful for caring - it's so shallow of me to feel this way but I can't help feeling she has everything I want right now - for starters, she's out of this horrible, dead town, she has a busting social life, she's happy with her body image, she's got a relationship, she's studying something she loves and being successful, people regard her as intelligent and worthy and smart. And mostly I just feel like locking myself in my room with a box of chocolates and some music and not coming out, but I'm trying so hard to avoid turning to food to fill this feeling up, because I've already eaten too many calories today. I kind of feel like my sister is part of the reason I haven't come out to my parents. She's bi, and so am I, and she's already come out. In fact, I was pretty sure of my sexuality a while back until she came out and then I stepped back into the closet it a bit. I've always tried to emulate her and I feel like if I tell my parents they'll think it's just another way of me trying to be her. I don't know how to show my parents I'm my own person; I'm sick of being regarded by everyone as a clone of my sister, and I'm sick of being alone and cut off from everyone. I just feel ugly and useless and talentless, and every time I show how I feel or bring up feeling bad in my house my mother basically tells me I'm not allowed to feel how I feel and that it's selfish of me to be sad. This coming from a woman who has had to take time off work for depression, is rich. I just end up feeling like a volcano, and I don't have anyone I can tell this too. tl;dr I'm a regular teenager with pretty insignificant problems but with no coping mechanisms right now.
I would suggest maybe coming out to your sister first. And, if this is an older sister, she might have advice on your other problems, too. My older sisters are both beautiful and thin and happy and successful. But they always seem to know what to do when I have a problem... Just a thought.
thanks, but i'm already out to my sister and i really don't want to talk to her about this. usually I would... usually she's the first person I go to, but not about this.
Well I can immediately say that your last point (tl;dr) isn't true. You do have coping mechanisms. One is healthy -- you came here and started to talk and let off some steam. The other has the potential to be unhealthy -- turning to food when feeling sad (although, I have to say, chocolate can't be that bad for you because it tastes SOOOOO good!). Let's keep everything in perspective. Your problems aren't insignificant. It's kind of like how when your parents go on about something that's wrong in their life, that you might think is insignificant, but they are freaking out over. Or how if a child is upset at something, an adult might think it is insignificant (e.g. a lost toy), but it is very significant to that child. The problems you are having are very significant to you at this point, otherwise you wouldn't have posted about them! I guess what I'm trying to say is it's not us who thinks your problems are insignificant, but you being a little self-deprecating. Regarding your sister, it's completely common for younger siblings to look up to their older siblings. Some even emulate them, or try. The problem with comparing yourself to your sibling is that it's an unfair comparison. Your skills set and hers will be different. I bet there is at least one thing that you can do better than your sister. The trick is trying to find out what you're good at -- what you love -- and explore that. Right now you're at the perfect age to do that. Try not to worry so much about relationships, or how your sister magically lost a bunch of weight (again, another unfair comparison, different metabolisms). Hang in there for a few more years, and you can attend college/university too -- getting out of that "dead town." Really, as corny as it sounds, 'it gets better' after high school.
@Spectre: Neither of them are really helpful, though, in the long term. I still feel pretty awful now and like I'm locked up because I have nobody out in the flesh I can talk to. And eating just contributes to later problems. I don't think there is that thing, and it's not a metabolism thing because she's always been heavier than me or similar in the past. Every thing that I've ever shown an interest in... she's done first or better. I feel like such a child for even caring.
I don't know what to say, Spectre stole all of my thoughts. Follow his advice, there's something that you're better than her at and you can't keep thinking about what she's better at than you. We're all different, but at the end of the day, we're all practically equal, if you get what I mean. As for your parents, when you're ready to come out to them, explain to them that you're speaking for yourself and not your sister (something like that), and get them to understand you're not trying to copy her. Even if they don't believe you then, they'll believe you eventually. You are not misusing the forums and your problems are not insignificant. No question is stupid to ask unless you already know the answer. We're here for you and we always will be. So don't worry. You can talk to us about anything, I promise you. And finally, have a hug. (*hug*) It gets better.
Well, does your school have an LGBT club? Or are there any youth LGBT clubs locally? That would be a perfect place to start building a better support system. Did you ask your sister what her secret was? I'm sure she must have blabbed about it? Afaik, losing weight happens in two ways: consuming less calories than your body requires (the diet method), or burning more calories than your body has (the exercise method). She must have done something different? If you want advice in regards to your weight, I would talk to EC's resident health guru KaraBulut. So what if she's done it first? I'm pretty sure most older siblings do most things first, e.g. riding a bike. Like I said before, the trick is finding what you love to do -- finding your passion. What do you love to do?
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. :icon_sad: It can be hard when you feel stuck in a cycle and can't get out, but I agree with Spectre--it does get better!! Especially after high school! I know I'm hoping for a new start and a chance to prove myself! I'm so glad you decided to come to EC, the people are really amazing here and we will try our best to help and support you! You're definitely not childish, selfish, talentless, or less than anybosy else, especially your sister! You've got perfectly valid feelings too, and I think your family ought to take them into consideration more often, personally! You're an amazing person too, and you've got more than enough time to prove yourself! (*hug*)
Thanks, guys. I don't know that I can believe all that but I'll try. @spectre: She's not had to try, really. She just doesn't have to deal with my parent's idea of what a meal is (3x what you need, prepped unhealthily) and walks a lot more because of walking to lectures etc. And my parents get offended when I don't want chips or as big a portion size. My dad just literally dumped a whole jar of cream into a pasta bake 3x the size it needs to be. I have no idea what to do. I love to write, but she's completed every challenge I have in that regard, and I love the theatre, but I'm not good enough to do anything besides amateur theatre. Other than that, not a lot. I'm decent in school but I'm nothing special.
