1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

getting over my nerves

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by swinny4u, Apr 3, 2012.

  1. swinny4u

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2012
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    manchester
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    So im single now at 47 and can finally explore what ive been wanting to do for the the last 35 years but i cant get over my nerves. I dont want to out myself by going to a gay bar so ive been on some hook up siress and found someone that seems safe, trustworthy and attractive and fun but i have the feeling im just going to chicken out. Im nervous for two reasons:
    1. I wont like it and hate myself (the whole fantasy vs reality thing)
    2. Ill like it and it will be a life changing experience and im not sure im ready for that.
    i also dont know how ill act afterwards, im thinking it will be super weird.

    A little more information. Im basically meeting the guy for oral. Thats what ive been thinking about for a long time, ive done it once before but not to completion and thats what i want to do. Thats why i think it will be awkward afterwards as i just dont know how ill react when its over.

    Anyway else have their first experience in an nsa way and how was it? Im genuinely excited for it and get really turned on by thinking about and want to do it but im just nervous. So im looking for advice to settle my nerves so i can go through with it. Or just some hot stories that make it seem so exciting im not even nervous anymore thanks in advance
     
  2. Lewis

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2012
    Messages:
    1,477
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    You could maybe sign up to a dating site? The benefits of that would be, being able to talk to the individual and getting to know them before actually meeting up. I know plenty of people that use dating sites to simply hookup with people, but others that have actually found love.

    I can't give advice on having experience though. :lol:
     
  3. Jim1454

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    7,284
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Toronto
    Hi there, and welcome to EC.

    I want to point out that this is a 13+ site, so let's make sure that any 'hot stories' are suitable for that audience. :icon_redf

    I'm also someone who figured out later in life that I was attracted to men and came out in my mid 30s.

    What I would say is that there's more to this than just the sex. If you're now free from any kind of relationship committment then I'd suggest that you do more than experiment with sex with other men. Instead, I'd encourage you to really think about who you are and what you want and what would ultimately make you happy.

    If you identify as bisexual, why not actually try dating - as the poster above suggests. Allow yourself to experience ALL aspects of your bisexuality - the physical as well as the emotional. Get to know other gay and bisexual men as friends. Go to events for the LGBT community. Go for coffee or dinner with other men - and when you find one that you like and trust and are attracted to, then the questions you have about sex and being nervous won't even be an issue. There will still be nerves, but it will be more than a purely physical (and somewhat hollow) experience.

    That would certainly be my suggestion. Take it from someone who didn't necessarily go about it the right way - but wished he had.
     
  4. Rosina

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2008
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey there, and welcome to EC. Just a quick aside on behalf of the Staff team and to echo what Jim as already said; we are a safe PG-13 support and advice forum, so whilst we can happily give you the former of your requests, we will not allow the latter on here. We do have some considerably young members on here and we keep this an environment free from overly-sexual discussions so that everyone can feel safe and welcome in using this forum for the aforementioned purpose.
     
  5. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can all but guarantee that the reality isn't going to be much like the fantasy. Not because hook-ups are "wrong" or anything like that, but you've been fantasizing about this for over three decades. :slight_smile: It wouldn't surprise me to find out that you've built up some elaborate fantasies during that time...and it's hard for real-world experiences to live up to those.

    I'd say you'd be ready for a real-world hook-up if:

    1. you're ready to leave any and all expectations behind. You're going to be going to bed with another guy to see how you like it. That's it. He, like you, will be human. He probably won't be drop-dead gorgeous, or have your ideal body, or be able to keep it up all night.

    2. you're ready to face the situation. You'll need to take your insecurities and (to a degree) your inhibitions off with your clothes. You'll need to be set to not just enjoy this interaction, but do your best to make the interaction enjoyable for him, as well.

    3. you're ready to advertise for precisely what you want. It's tempting to just answer somebody else's ad, or perhaps fudge the truth a bit (or a lot) in your own. But that's a recipe for a bad time, I think. Better to be very clear about who you are, and what you're hoping to find. No, you won't have hot guys filling your in-box with offers. But those that do answer will be those who actually DO want to go to bed with a 47-year-old male-on-male-virgin. :slight_smile:

    Lex