Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > Coming Out Advice

Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 3rd Apr 2012, 01:09 AM   #1
Newbie
Regular Member
 
swinny4u's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: manchester
Posts: 3
Join Date: Mar 2012


Default getting over my nerves

So im single now at 47 and can finally explore what ive been wanting to do for the the last 35 years but i cant get over my nerves. I dont want to out myself by going to a gay bar so ive been on some hook up siress and found someone that seems safe, trustworthy and attractive and fun but i have the feeling im just going to chicken out. Im nervous for two reasons:
1. I wont like it and hate myself (the whole fantasy vs reality thing)
2. Ill like it and it will be a life changing experience and im not sure im ready for that.
i also dont know how ill act afterwards, im thinking it will be super weird.

A little more information. Im basically meeting the guy for oral. Thats what ive been thinking about for a long time, ive done it once before but not to completion and thats what i want to do. Thats why i think it will be awkward afterwards as i just dont know how ill react when its over.

Anyway else have their first experience in an nsa way and how was it? Im genuinely excited for it and get really turned on by thinking about and want to do it but im just nervous. So im looking for advice to settle my nerves so i can go through with it. Or just some hot stories that make it seem so exciting im not even nervous anymore thanks in advance
swinny4u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Apr 2012, 09:41 AM   #2
EC Addict
Full Member
 
Lewis's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 21
Posts: 1,554
Join Date: Mar 2012


Default Re: getting over my nerves

You could maybe sign up to a dating site? The benefits of that would be, being able to talk to the individual and getting to know them before actually meeting up. I know plenty of people that use dating sites to simply hookup with people, but others that have actually found love.

I can't give advice on having experience though.
Lewis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Apr 2012, 01:22 PM   #3
EC 'Dad'
EC Advisor
 
Jim1454's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Toronto
Age: 43
Posts: 8,405
Join Date: Mar 2007


Default Re: getting over my nerves

Hi there, and welcome to EC.

I want to point out that this is a 13+ site, so let's make sure that any 'hot stories' are suitable for that audience.

I'm also someone who figured out later in life that I was attracted to men and came out in my mid 30s.

What I would say is that there's more to this than just the sex. If you're now free from any kind of relationship committment then I'd suggest that you do more than experiment with sex with other men. Instead, I'd encourage you to really think about who you are and what you want and what would ultimately make you happy.

If you identify as bisexual, why not actually try dating - as the poster above suggests. Allow yourself to experience ALL aspects of your bisexuality - the physical as well as the emotional. Get to know other gay and bisexual men as friends. Go to events for the LGBT community. Go for coffee or dinner with other men - and when you find one that you like and trust and are attracted to, then the questions you have about sex and being nervous won't even be an issue. There will still be nerves, but it will be more than a purely physical (and somewhat hollow) experience.

That would certainly be my suggestion. Take it from someone who didn't necessarily go about it the right way - but wished he had.
__________________
Jim
"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
Jim1454 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Apr 2012, 02:07 PM   #4
An Abnormal Default
Full Member
 
Rosina's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Straight
Out Status: As out as the next straight kid
Location: United Kingdom
Age: 22
Posts: 4,809
Join Date: Sep 2008

Tournaments Won: 1

Default Re: getting over my nerves

Quote:
Originally Posted by swinny4u View Post
...So im looking for advice to settle my nerves so i can go through with it. Or just some hot stories that make it seem so exciting im not even nervous anymore thanks in advance
Hey there, and welcome to EC. Just a quick aside on behalf of the Staff team and to echo what Jim as already said; we are a safe PG-13 support and advice forum, so whilst we can happily give you the former of your requests, we will not allow the latter on here. We do have some considerably young members on here and we keep this an environment free from overly-sexual discussions so that everyone can feel safe and welcome in using this forum for the aforementioned purpose.
__________________
Hang in there, because things have always and will always change - It Gets Better Rebecca Drysdale
Rosina is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd Apr 2012, 02:10 PM   #5
The gay gargoyle
EC Advisor
 
Lexington's Avatar
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: Colorado
Age: 44
Posts: 15,354
Join Date: Dec 2007


Default Re: getting over my nerves

I can all but guarantee that the reality isn't going to be much like the fantasy. Not because hook-ups are "wrong" or anything like that, but you've been fantasizing about this for over three decades. It wouldn't surprise me to find out that you've built up some elaborate fantasies during that time...and it's hard for real-world experiences to live up to those.

I'd say you'd be ready for a real-world hook-up if:

1. you're ready to leave any and all expectations behind. You're going to be going to bed with another guy to see how you like it. That's it. He, like you, will be human. He probably won't be drop-dead gorgeous, or have your ideal body, or be able to keep it up all night.

2. you're ready to face the situation. You'll need to take your insecurities and (to a degree) your inhibitions off with your clothes. You'll need to be set to not just enjoy this interaction, but do your best to make the interaction enjoyable for him, as well.

3. you're ready to advertise for precisely what you want. It's tempting to just answer somebody else's ad, or perhaps fudge the truth a bit (or a lot) in your own. But that's a recipe for a bad time, I think. Better to be very clear about who you are, and what you're hoping to find. No, you won't have hot guys filling your in-box with offers. But those that do answer will be those who actually DO want to go to bed with a 47-year-old male-on-male-virgin.

Lex
Lexington is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Last person to post wins! illiniroper1 Fun and Games 11017 5th Jan 2013 10:27 PM
Suggestions to qualm my nerves? Anonymous Anonymous Discussions 2 5th Aug 2010 09:46 PM
My ex is getting on my nerves Mind Freak Coming Out Advice 1 13th Dec 2008 10:09 PM
Bells Palsy Tim Physical & Sexual Health 10 31st May 2008 09:42 PM
Nerves UnderARock Physical & Sexual Health 8 17th Aug 2007 01:30 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:08 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2014, Empty Closets Community Services
the Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20